Sibling disagreements

[IncognitoZombie]

SDD (13) moved in back end of last year, she shares a room with my dd (11) all has been well until lately. Sdd loves to sing and my dd hates listening to her. They've clashed over this so much. I've tried to get dd to be more tolerant, but it really is too much for her. So now sdd wants to move back out and my partner is blaming my dd and saying she should be punished.

Is it my dds fault? I know sdd is allowed to sing but my dd is also allowed to not want noise.

Thank you for all the replies. It's breaking my dps heart as it was so out of the blue. No one wants her to move out, we just needed to sort times etc out for her to sing.

We don't want to break up or live separately. We love each other. We both have had shitty relationships in the past and we go together so well in all aspects except the kids can be challenging. I've even suggested giving sdd our room and we will use the living room, that's how flexible I am. Sadly suggestions are too late I fear.

I'm worried that in 6 months time sdd will fall out with her dm again and want to move back in. What then? We cannot refuse to have her but it's just going to be the same again.

OP, in 6 months time with adolescent females, you may have a set of entirely different issues. Girls at this age are going through a lot of changes , and rarely is there not some change in interests, activities , friends, etc on the table.

It is obvious that at a minimum these 2 young ladies should not be expected to share bedrooms and discussions should be had on how to share a living environment so that the needs for space and privacy of all of the inhabitants are respected and accommodated.

It seems as though you and your partner moved in together without making adequate plans to accommodate the differences between your respective children.

Given that your home is supposed to be home for both of your children, you need to give serious thought to what home should look like for the 4 of you rather than the 3 of you. If you cannot find a way to make it work for 4 of you, then you are just giving lip service to blending and wanting to provide a home for both children. Living apart may then become the most reasonable option.

Sounds like you're in a tough situation OP!

We didn't share a room but my sister used to walk about the house singing at the top of her voice and it used to drive me insane when I lived at home!

Neither of them are really in the wrong though, your SD is just trying to relax how she enjoys and equally your DD can't help being annoyed by it irritating her. There needs to be some compromise on both sides there.

However, given how quickly your SD went back to her mum saying she wants to move back and that you've said she'll likely want to move back in with you in a few months, I wonder if it was inevitable anyway, that she's now wanting to leave after a disagreement. I think that both girls need to learn how to express themselves whilst also being respectful of the other one, it's difficult when the situation is different from what they're used to but there needs to be a bit of leeway from all sides

We love each other.

It’s not just about the 2 of you
Did your children get a voice in the decision to move in together?

They did actually. And also they all agreed that sdd could move in and I double checked with dd as it was her that had to share. Sdd also knew she'd have to share. Unfortunately things haven't worked out.

I agree we should have taken action sooner. I regret that massively. Just loads of stuff going on and I didn't realise it was at the point where sdd wanted to go.

I’m confused though. Where did sdd sleep on her overnights before she your home became the primary residence?

In with dd. It's a huge room and has a single bed for dd and bunk beds for 2 x sdd (one only stays on a Saturday night) partitioned with a kallax bookcase. So they do have their own space, but share noise.

It's breaking my dps heart as it was so out of the blue

You say they have clashed over this so much so it can’t have been that much of a shock that she wants to go somewhere else where she is free to sing and be herself.

Realistically they needed their own rooms and space rather than being made to share with their parents bf/gfs children just because they chose to be in a relationship.

Its hard to share rooms. Just let your sdd know that shes always welcome back whenever, and tell your dd that people are allowed to sing in their own houses and if she cant deal with noise, she needs to wear ear defenders, not get shitty about it.

You still haven’t said how quickly you blended families after splitting up with your ex. . I am also assuming your DP moved into your big house and your DC after going through having there parents separate are now thrown into a blended family.