School holidays

[Imbarb]

Hi - any advice on what you are your ex do over school holidays pls. Ex works full time and has a family. His partner works part time and has offered to help on her days off but I want him to do more

Has agreed to 2 weeks in the 6 weeks but leaves all the childcare down to me and my family

Totally agree with @Pleaseaddcaffine. Sorry OP, but your last comment makes you sound a tad difficult? Your ex had offered to pay for childcare but you’re still not happy?

I work sat-weds. I need him to have his kid those days to help me. I don't want my kid at a child childminders I want him with his dad. He says if he has too much time off they come unstuck but that's not my problem

You want him to take 3 days a week off during the holidays as a self-employed man? Yeah you’re taking the piss.
If he said he’ll pay for the child to go to the childminder then what’s the issue?

Personally I think he should have the child Sat/Sun whilst you work, then child should go to the childminder for mon-weds which you split the cost of. That would be the fairest way because you can have the child Thurs/fri whilst he works, and he has the child Sat/Sun whilst you work.

It is fair to split the cost for a childminder for the 3 days a week you’re both at work.

You can’t expect him to give up half a week of work to accommodate you working because you would rather the child wasn’t at a childminders

But this is what cohabitating parents must do. If your both in work then the child is in childcare or with family.
He is offering to pay half so I cant see the problem here.
I think expecting him not to work or expecting his partner to do childcare is very unreasonable.

If he's offered to cover his half with help from his partner and a childminder I think you should accept that. You can't force someone to take leave, especially when it's unpaid.

Surely the less your ex works, the less he earns? If you force him to earn less be aware that your maintenance payments may reduce

If the child is with him then it really is up to him who looks after the child. If he chooses a childminder so that he can work then surely that is just him doing what many many other parents do.

I think his partner is being very generous offering to do the childcare, but I honestly think a plan B should be in place as it’s not fair to assume she will always do it. Childminder, holiday clubs, breakfast clubs and after school care are all there as options and he’s free to use them as he pleases.

He is doing 2 weeks, you do 2 weeks then half in for summer club for 2 weeks seems very reasonable.

To be honest he sounds reasonable. He has come up with a solution. He puts his own child into a childcare setting so is probably wondering why it's not considered good enough for his other child. His needs to work and is taking some time off. If he can't work thats less money for your children. You need to find childcare for the time you are working but he has offered to help.

You don't work weekdays so what's the issue?

Before DP sold his business he was self employed and his ex's attitude was that as he wasn’t employed he could literally take off any time he felt like. She didn’t seem to understand he was answerable to clients, or that the only reason he could pay so much in child support (quite rightly, as it’s his responsibility to do so, but an amount that meant she didn’t need to work at all) was because he worked so much. You can’t have it all ways. So OP, it will be your problem if your ex can no longer earn enough to pay maintenance at the same level.

Xmas hols we split 50:50. Easter 1 week me, one week ex, one week holiday club.
Summer - Two weeks me, two weeks ex, two weeks holiday club.

I usually do half terms because that's what ds prefers. And I love spending time with my ds. He'll grow up really quickly.

You should split the time equally and childcare costs as well so you can both work. Your ex has more than one child. He needs to manage his working life too. I think you're being a bit unfair.

You work Saturday to Wednesday, you expect his to have your DC for five days a week. That means he can only work 2 days! Of course you will have to use childcare.

So he wants you to pay half the childcare costs on his days? Or are these extra days and he is willing to have the children but you both split the childcare costs? If he doesn’t have them would you have to pay full childcare costs?