Moving in/blended family.

[Felic23]

My partner and I are both single parents to boys of a similar age (11 & 12)
After 6 years together we have decided to move in as living apart is not working and we are drifting further apart. We have a great relationship and are both on board with trying our best to blend together as a 4.
His Son is very keen but my Son (perhaps as we are the ones moving into their house) goes up and down. He was all up for it but now is giving me all the reasons he doesn't want to.

My question is how seriously do I take his opinion? I do completely acknowledge it's a huge step. I have spent years trying to decide weather or not it's the right thing to do. My partner is great with my Son and would be a good male role model as his own Dad is useless.
How he feels about it is very important to me but I'm not sure how much weight to put on what he thinks as he changes all the time and he also cannot see the bigger picture.

Any advice much appreciated!

@KatySun thanks for reply. It's a combination of both of us who want to move in. There is no ultimatum it's just we feel like we cant really move forward living apart. We have tried but being single parents with little to no help is busy and when we do get down time neither of us want to spend it at the others home as we would be leaving our child home alone (although they are old enough to do this) honestly it is me more than my Son who is having reservations as another poster pointed out. There is so much to risk but I feel like not doing anything will cause us to drift apart. Not only that I dont want a partner who I see once or twice a week. It's so difficult to decide what to do.

It sounds like a difficult decision OP but I would really listen to your DS. You wrote 'being in a family all beit a blended family will be good for a child in many ways.' Having lived in both, really a blended family is nothing like a nuclear family, and my DC would say the same. What my DC primarily care about is their relationship with me and that not being unduly disrupted by living in a household where there are significant compromises to what they can and can't do - or to how they can just 'be' and co-exist with me in their own home. My view may be tainted by the fact that it's not worked out that well for me - but dynamics are affected in ways that are hard to foresee once you all live together.
It must be really frustrating and difficult seeing DP so little - will that improve though once we come out of lockdown and restrictions eventually ease - and as your DC get older and start to live more independently? It's not long till they're mid-teens and will bring doing their own thing a lot more.

@Lise756 sorry to be the harbinger of doom but mid-teens kids need a close eye still! They still need mum to be ‘present’. Providing structure. Very much so.

@Felic23 this is so hard but I think, like me, it’s a stalemate. So very much to lose. Not everso much to gain.

If it was the right thing to do would the decision be this hard? That’s what I ask myself....

So no solution or magic wand here, but I feel you and hear you on this.

Here’s some and

I agree that it is a risk.

If you are saving for a deposit and it all goes wrong, would you get half the deposit and would you be able to get a property for you and your son?

I suppose also if it is hard to make the time now, how much will living together change that, and how much will it just give you more to worry about? How equally will things be split in terms of chores etc?

Have you discussed your finances if you moved in together? Would you lose benefits? Would he replace them? Could you work more hours instead, and how would that affect your DS? Having lost his home and Mum not around so much etc.

@LatentPhase thanks for reply. After lots of thought I've decided to do a trial for a year where me and my Son stay at his (chose his place as he had a spare bedroom, I dont) twice a week set days. This way myself and my partner are able to have time together that we really need and the boys are able to spend time together but still have there own time and space and their lives are disrupted massively. I hope this will be a happy half way house and in the mean time my partner will continue to save and if the time is right in a year we will buy together. Hopefully it's a good plan!