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Original poster

SCs and their DM constantly breaking covid rules

54 replies

SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:19

My SCs and their DM have broken lockdown at least 3 times this week to go and see friends and extended family.

I have a vulnerable mother, 2 DCs of my own who are also bored/lonely/miserable and we’re not seeing anyone other than my mum who we’ve formed a bubble with so she can help with homeschooling as I work full time.

I’m sick to fucking death of being careful, following all the guidelines etc only to find out that DP’s ex and their kids are doing as they please and then we’re expected to keep up with the contact schedule.

So they see whoever they want then I’m expected to be totally fine with them coming into our home after mixing with God knows who.

I’m furious with DP for being so blasé about it all
“Oh SD16 only met up with a couple of friends”
“SD11 only had one friend for a sleepover on Wednesday”

Honestly!!! I’m so angry! So because he, his ex and his kids think it’s ok to do whatever they want it potentially puts me and my kids at risk and is also meaning I may have to stop my mum helping here because I don’t want to risk her getting it.

Also I feel like I’m drowning in work and homeschooling, I’m at my limit with it all and the thought of not being able to have that small bit of support and help from my mum makes me want to cry.

I’ve had a lie in this morning and woken up to find DP has dropped SD16 off at a football pitch at the local sports ground to meet her friend and so she can watch a team of boys play football?!

Just to add that my children aren’t DP’s, they’re mine. So I feel like not two fucks are being given to our safety... as long as his kids are happy that’s the main thing hey? Angry

I’m so upset. And angry, I’m really really angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:20

I’ve also had my own DD10 in tears asking why her stepsisters are allowed to see their friends and she’s not.
It’s causing so many issues!!!

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 23/01/2021 11:21

That's so annoying OP. How long have you been with him? Do you live with him?

Wishitsnows · 23/01/2021 11:23

You don't have to stay with him. It doesn't sound like he makes you happy. Somebody else might

Theworldisfullofgs · 23/01/2021 11:23

I honestly don't know what to say. I'd be angry too.

ooohbriefcase · 23/01/2021 11:24

Well your 'D'p clearly doesn't give a shit about the rules either. I would tackle to issue head on with him.

ooohbriefcase · 23/01/2021 11:25

*the

LimpLettice · 23/01/2021 11:29

I have this the other way round. ExDP and his thickie partner have continued having friends over, seeing their families, throughout. My DD spends one night a week mixing with his older kids who also mix with other siblings and friends, her son who mixes with all his other family, her best mate, his mum, her dad...and he works in a very crowded place which has been newsworthy for its rubbish precautions. They had friends stay for an extended visit while all the kids were there mixing about 6 households all over Christmas. In Tier 4.

We have a 6 month old - I had a difficult pregnancy, was vulnerable, our possible support bubbles are vulnerable, so we've mainly stopped seeing them, and he just tells me not to worry, it'll be fiiiine. I've tried explaining that him doing a risk assessment for me and my newborn is not exactly reassuring, but he couldn't care less. It's very frustrating.

helpmum2003 · 23/01/2021 11:31

It may depend on the length of the relationship whether you live together but it's a potential deal breaker. It's a massive difference in parenting and there may be others as well....

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:31

@helpmum2003 we’ve together 5.5 years, own a house together... were due to be married last November but it’s been postponed because of covid.

@Wishitsnows other than this he’s a great partner and a lovely stepdad. He’s just spineless when it comes to telling his kids no and he feels powerless about what happens in their DM’s house.
Today is fucking ridiculous though. I’m so angry with him

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:33

@ooohbriefcase the weird thing is when it comes to himself he’s extremely careful.
He works in a job that requires strict adherence to the guidelines, we don’t see friends or extended family. But for some reason he seems to be fine with his kids do whatever the hell they please??

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:35

@LimpLettice you have my sympathies Flowers
I understand DP can’t really control what happens with his daughters in their mum’s time... but allowing the eldest to mix with others during our weekends with them is royally taking the piss

OP posts:
MeridianB · 23/01/2021 11:46

@SpongebobNoPants I’d suggest he moves in with his ex if he thinks his kids’ social lives are such a high priority, He’s being a selfish idiot.

@LimpLettice Stop sending her. It’s just not worth the risk.

This won’t be forever.

MyOwnPrivatePaddlingPool · 23/01/2021 11:46

But children over 12 are allowed to meet up with a friend outdoors, as are adults, at least they are in Scotland. Sleepovers are a bit silly though.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:52

@MyOwnPrivatePaddlingPool they’re meeting in large groups with no social distancing.
Today is “just one friend”... except it won’t be because they’re meeting up with a group of boys.

They’re going to friends houses, sleeping over, having friends to theirs etc

OP posts:
LimpLettice · 23/01/2021 11:54

We did stop it while I was pregnant as it got ridiculous - think neighbours and families in the garden but using each other's toilets etc. I let her go back when the schools returned, and we just stopped seeing our own families or anyone else but I think I'm going to have to. It breaks her heart but I have to think how much more heartbroken she would be if someone got seriously ill because they can't sacrifice wine night.

So annoying OP, when it's just blatant disregard.

Magda72 · 23/01/2021 11:55

Oh @SpongebobNoPants that's so difficult. I've not had the same experience but my exh's family don't take lockdown seriously at all & there have been weekends where I haven't let 15 yr old dd go to her dad's because one of his siblings popped in during the week! In fairness exh keeps me informed of this but is totally spineless when it comes to his family, so I'm left having to make the call as to whether dd goes him rather than him telling his family to f**k off.
I'm not sure what to say to you but if in your situation I'd be inclined to say that if his ex won't take this seriously he either gets an Airbnb until numbers get better, moves out & sees his dc there, or he sees them outdoors - no more them coming to the house.
This is YOUR home too & you have every right to feel safe in it & his behaviour is selfish in the extreme.
People like his ex & dc are the reason we're all in this sh*t now. I'm sick to death of people blaming governments for the horrific rise in numbers & deaths (I'm in Ireland) & failing to see that it's our own actions that are keeping this as bad as it is.
I would put my foot down even if it caused WW3.

Santaiscovidfree · 23/01/2021 11:55

He needs to see his dc elsewhere. Yanbu or ban all of them from your home. They are risking your lives.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:56

@MyOwnPrivatePaddlingPool
FYI it’s not allowed in England

SCs and their DM constantly breaking covid rules
OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:57

@Santaiscovidfree and how can I ban them? They’re his children and this is his home as much as it’s mine. I can’t legally say “no you can’t come in”

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 23/01/2021 11:58

they’re meeting in large groups with no social distancing
You don't know that though. You are going on what your SCs are saying or making assumptions.

Maybe the extended family are their bubble. Maybe the sleep over was a childcare issue.

Maybe that's why your oh is not as irrate as you.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:00

@Magda72
People like his ex & dc are the reason we're all in this sht now. I'm sick to death of people blaming governments for the horrific rise in numbers & deaths (I'm in Ireland) & failing to see that it's our own actions that are keeping this as bad as it is*

This is also why I’m so fucking angry. We’ve all missed out on an entire year of our lives because people won’t follow the rules.
I’ve lost out on work opportunities, missed holidays, missed seeing my family, had my wedding postponed, had a friend DIE from covid!
AND STILL his kids and ex are flouting the rules... which he is being complicit in.

OP posts:
MyGorramShip · 23/01/2021 12:00

Is there anywhere you and DC can go and stay? If so, I’d be telling DP that he needs to see his kids elsewhere, he needs to move out, or you will move out. Any one of the three will do.

Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:02

@SpongebobNoPants - firstly unless your dc are 50/50 with their dad and his dc are 50/50 with their mum then I would argue that as your home is your dcs' primary residence (& not his dcs' primary residence) they get priority over keeping their home safe.
All that being said if you're not comfortable with putting your foot down about them not coming can you move in with your mum for a bit? And leave him & his dc/ex to it?

SanFranBear · 23/01/2021 12:02

As your mum is your support bubble, could you and your DC move to there until restrictions start to relax? Obviously, if your mum doesn't live alone, it wouldnt be an option but sounds like you need your mum, and not just for childcare.

Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:03

And - soooo sorry for the loss of your friend Thanks

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