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Step-parenting

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Original poster

SCs and their DM constantly breaking covid rules

54 replies

SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 11:19

My SCs and their DM have broken lockdown at least 3 times this week to go and see friends and extended family.

I have a vulnerable mother, 2 DCs of my own who are also bored/lonely/miserable and we’re not seeing anyone other than my mum who we’ve formed a bubble with so she can help with homeschooling as I work full time.

I’m sick to fucking death of being careful, following all the guidelines etc only to find out that DP’s ex and their kids are doing as they please and then we’re expected to keep up with the contact schedule.

So they see whoever they want then I’m expected to be totally fine with them coming into our home after mixing with God knows who.

I’m furious with DP for being so blasé about it all
“Oh SD16 only met up with a couple of friends”
“SD11 only had one friend for a sleepover on Wednesday”

Honestly!!! I’m so angry! So because he, his ex and his kids think it’s ok to do whatever they want it potentially puts me and my kids at risk and is also meaning I may have to stop my mum helping here because I don’t want to risk her getting it.

Also I feel like I’m drowning in work and homeschooling, I’m at my limit with it all and the thought of not being able to have that small bit of support and help from my mum makes me want to cry.

I’ve had a lie in this morning and woken up to find DP has dropped SD16 off at a football pitch at the local sports ground to meet her friend and so she can watch a team of boys play football?!

Just to add that my children aren’t DP’s, they’re mine. So I feel like not two fucks are being given to our safety... as long as his kids are happy that’s the main thing hey? Angry

I’m so upset. And angry, I’m really really angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:03

@dontdisturbmenow I know that because I’ve seen in on Snapchat and SD16’s Instagram stories with my own eyes. I’m not “just assuming”.

The sleepoverS (multiple sleepovers, several different people) were not a childcare issue. Mum doesn’t work and has no disabilities so she isn’t entitled to a childcare bubble anyway.
There is no reason why the kids are having friends stay at their house or going to other people’s houses.

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 23/01/2021 12:03

Well you go then. Leave them to it. Gives you good reason you won't be nursing them all when they test positive.. I sent my own ds packing when he kept going out...

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:05

@Magda72 thank you Flowers
She was only 45, no underlying health conditions. It was a huge shock and if I’m honest it’s scared me xx

OP posts:
Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:07

@Santaiscovidfree - one of my sons is in first year in uni & in shared accommodation. He wanted to come home this weekend but I had to say no as one of his housemates had returned to the house after the Christmas break from an area with really high numbers & on public transport!
It's really hard having to do stuff like that but if the likes of you & I can do it I can't understand why others can't.
I honestly don't know at this stage if people are just selfish or stupid!

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:07

I could go and stay at my mum’s. She’s a single person household but I feel aggrieved to have to uproot myself and my children from the home I pay for also just because his kids can’t stick to the rules.

@Magda72 my DD10 lives here full time and my son is here 6 days a week. This is very much their home. SDs come EOW and for dinner in the week twice.

OP posts:
Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:12

@SpongebobNoPants well then I would be inclined to point out to Dp that this is your dcs ft residence & they have no other home - unlike his dc. But obviously only you know how receptive to this he's likely to be.
I fully agree you shouldn't have to go to your mums but maybe if you do & he sees how serious about this you are he might cop on a bit?

TheNortherner · 23/01/2021 12:13

I'm guessing the choices are either stop seeing your mum until she has had the vaccine (if that's whom you are concerned about) or your partner sees his children outside of your home. These are the only decisions you (and your DP) have control over. Everything else you need to let go of (as everyone else has to) as you will drive youraelf mad over things you cannot change or control.

Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:16

@TheNortherner WHY should op have to stop seeing her mum who is obviously elderly & alone just so her non compliant, non resident sdc can come eow?

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:19

My mum isn’t elderly, she’s only 59 but she has a liver and lung condition which puts her in the vulnerable category. She’s also a single person household so relies on me for her mental health and company too.
She’s an absolute angel and I think without her I would have gone to pieces in the last couple of weeks. My job is very intense and my youngest is only 6 so needs proper supervision with schoolwork. My DD10 is preparing for her SATS too so she needs help.

DP is WOH so I’m on my own the whole time.

I feel like I’ll break without my mum Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:23

@TheNortherner I’m also concerned about catching it myself! Or my kids.
As I said in a previous post I’ve lost a friend to covid. It’s scared me as she was young and otherwise healthy.

We can’t control what happens at his ex’s house but DP has dropped SD16 off to see her friends this morning whilst I was still sleeping!!! He’s fully condoning it and is facilitating it!

OP posts:
Magda72 · 23/01/2021 12:23

Sorry for the assumption @SpongebobNoPants - I forget not everyone is as old as I am lol, & therefore not everyone has older parents!

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 12:27

That’s ok Grin
I’m only 33... crap actually my mum is only 57 😂 I hope she’s not on here! Sorry mum!

OP posts:
Herbie0987 · 23/01/2021 12:29

Your DP needs to grow a spine, if he isn’t prepared to do the right thing you have to make the decision for all of you.
We all want to do well by our children but there comes a time when you have to stand up and be an adult, it’s not easy.
I have not hugged any of my family since March 2020 and get so angry with people who think it’s ok to flout the rules.

Santaiscovidfree · 23/01/2021 12:45

Will he be so happy for them to be there if he is responsible for them on his own I wonder?

funinthesun19 · 23/01/2021 13:02

Maybe the extended family are their bubble. Maybe the sleep over was a childcare issue.

Teenagers don’t need babysitting though do they? It wasn’t a childcare bubble, it was friends meeting up. Why are you jumping through hoops to justify their actions?

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 13:02

@Herbie0987
I have not hugged any of my family since March 2020 and get so angry with people who think it’s ok to flout the rules
Same. It’s uttermy shit

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 13:02

*utterly

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 23/01/2021 13:12

I can see how utterly annoying and frustrating it is for you OP. All that effort you go to and the sacrifices you’ve had to make, and then dsc and their mum think the rules don’t apply to them.

No doubt if their mum gets an £800 fine she will expect your dp to pay towards it Hmm

I honestly think your dp should stop seeing his kids for now, but I know that’s probably not good advice. I really don’t know what to solution is. Sad

funinthesun19 · 23/01/2021 13:12

*the solution

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 23/01/2021 13:20

@funinthesun19 Sad

This is exactly how the “wicked stepmother” rhetoric begins isn’t it.

Two fucking Disney parents who let the kids do whatever they want because it’s easier than enforcing boundaries. Then a stepmum who tries to do the right thing by everyone and then all the kids see is stepmum being the one to say no to things = wicked stepmother

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 23/01/2021 13:59

Spot on there! And it’s always everyone else who does the compromising.

I dread to think how my own situation would have been if I was still with my ex. Very much the same as you I bet. I keep in touch with former dsc and I know they’ve been seeing people they’re not supposed to - all allowed by mum of course who isn’t a single parent so isn’t a allowed a bubble. You have my sympathies!

TheNortherner · 23/01/2021 14:11

@Magda72 I didn't say she should, I said that was one of the options she had control over. I think OP said she said she didn't want a LTB response, which i haven't given (although perhaps I would take issue with DPs lack of respect).
At the end of the day you can only control your behaviour and not other people's. I dont believe a dad should stop seeing their children unless in extenuating circumstances and for me, there are other ways for him to see his children and take into account the OPs sensitivity about risks to herself and her family without dropping face to face contact.
I also have children and vulnerable parents and I homeschool them myself and work...alot of people are in this boat and it is stressful and worrying, but if there is a major concern about covid and partner refuses to acknowledge then without LTB this is surely safest for the OPs mum?

funinthesun19 · 23/01/2021 14:33

Another thing I have thought of too.
If you were the ones breaking the rules, their mum would be free to stop contact and she would get nothing but understanding for it because she’s looking out for her children and doesn’t want to put them at risk.
But because it’s them breaking the rules, if you then say the dscs wont be able to come for the foreseeable future because there are people who you want to protect, it’s seen as wrong and unfair on the dscs because they should get to see their father.

I might be wrong but I can definitely those double standards happening in these situations.

Santaiscovidfree · 23/01/2021 14:35

I sent my dc back to his army quarters. No rules about going out.
He has Covid..

Magda72 · 23/01/2021 15:16

@TheNortherner - apologies - my response wasn't directed at you per sae. It was more a general why is it the sm who always seems to have to compromise when neither parent or sdcs are expected to - & both op & @funinthesun19 have touched on this in their posts.
It's op's home & her dcs' only residence & it's mind boggling that her dp, his ex & their dc seem to have NO sense of this. Sometimes the sense of entitlement that certain divorced parents & their dc have absolutely astonishes me - it's like the think they are special in some way and so deserve special treatment & everyone else in their lives is supposed to facilitate them, no matter what.

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