NC'd for this but regular poster.
Really looking for some advice, although I think it may be just to let it go, which I agree with to an extent.
I have four step kids, we have them 40% of the time.
I work full time in the police on a child protection team.
DSS9 has some SEN. He is an adorable boy who I have a great relationship with.
For his birthday his mum got him a Nintendo Switch. After a few months of him having it he was talking about something he had watched which said the N word. We were shocked as had assumed, probably wrongly, that she would have put parental controls on. So we put controls on the Switch. DH talked to her about it and she said she hadn't because she didn't know how to.
As part of me putting controls on, there's an app I have that shows what he's been on, how long for etc.
I totally forgot about this app until this morning when I got a notification. Looked on it and for the last two weeks he's been averaging between 9-11 hours a day while at hers. I thought it might just be that he left it on and thats whats totting up the hours, but it shows exactly what he's been on and for how long (Yesterday YouTube was 8 hours and Fortnite 3 hours)
He struggles at school and we had a lot of issues trying to get him into it last time. We had them all full time in the last lockdown and juggled homeschooling with working, but we managed to get at least about 4 hours done a day, often more. We both work. Their mum doesn't work and never has, its unlikely to change even now they are all school age.
There's nothing I can do is there? DH has already brought it up with her a few months back as his app was showing 13 hours one day, although this was before home schooling etc. He approached it in a 'Shall we put some time restrictions on screen time?' (Even though when here they have no screens except the two older ones have an xbox they play sometimes). She didn't reply to him.
I'm genuinely so worried about him. I'm happy to do some work with him when he's with us but as its always the evenings and weekends, DSS says its not his 'school time'.
I also resent the fact that unreally shouldn't have to, considering both DH and I work, but I would make it work if needed. DH would too. She would be fine with this, as she was when we had them full time last lockdown. She has said we can have them as much as we want so long as the CMS stays the same. So that is an option, even if we just have DSS.
As I said, DH has bought it up with her before but she just ignored him. That was when they were still in school though tbf.
Should I suggest we have DSS? Or just let it go?
I hope this post comes across right. I know everyone has different parenting styles, I just really am so worried about the impact this is having on him and I care about him a lot.