Evil Stepmum’s Greetings Card Collection

[KumquatSalad]

Here on stepparenting, we are developing an exciting new range of greetings cards to help express your feelings to the evil stepmother in your life.

Come share your designs with us. There’s a large untapped market out there to be captured. 😁

The attitude you describe towards second families and their children is disgraceful isn’t it. Imagine if all this “first in time” nonsense as per kumquat’s card in her OP was consistently applied elsewhere. By rights every relationship anyone has ever had after their very first one should be viewed with disdain because someone else went there before you.

Yep, everyone should know their place!

The attitude you describe towards second families and their children is disgraceful isn’t it. Imagine if all this “first in time” nonsense as per kumquat’s card in her OP was consistently applied elsewhere. By rights every relationship anyone has ever had after their very first one should be viewed with disdain because someone else went there before you.

Yeah its mental. I once made the mistake of detailing my situation and was torn to shreds. My dp met his ex she had a kid within months (literally within 3 months of dating) she was pregnant with his dd and she ran off to her home country days after birth, registered their child abroad without him on bc, then she told him she had left to be with someone else she met online whilst pregnant and then kidnapped his newborn whilst he was at work. She then withheld contact for nearly 2 years. I met him we got together have been together 3 years, ex decided to return to uk but isnt entitled to benefits at all. We pay all her rent, bills, food, everything for dd plus our own rent and bills on min wage and ex keeps telling dp to leave me and get back with her. Even though me and him have been together way longer than they were she insists they are a happy family (she has another child dp considers his although she isnt).

Posters called me a bitch and said dp was dispicable for being with someone who would speak so badly about the mother of his children.

Im a liar because apparently a non british citizen whos been in the country less than 6 months absolutely is entitled to all benefits. (they fucking are not.)

Me and dp are apparently doing the bare minimum in paying 2 lots of rent, 2 lots of bills, 2 lots of council tax, utilities, 2 food bills and all clothes and toys and nursery fees for 2 children on min wage (we are also not entitled to benefits). Apparently thats our job and the bare minimum we should be doing we should be doing a lot more somehow.

Im unfit to be a sm because im jealous of the ex and his kids and want to put myself first above the children.

The ex is a poor unfortunate woman and posters all felt so sorry for her having an awful ex and his vicious new girlfriend and her life sounds so upsetting.

Really nuts stuff. Apparently me spending all my money on her rent and bills and him giving her the last of his money so she can go and see her friends as he also worries about her mental health jsnt good enough. Im bitter jelous and evil and the sc will hate me and dp should leave me.

The best thread is im almost 90% certain the ex is on here and started a thread once before it was deleted. All the details matched and she basically said although she left her ex hes moved on and she wants back in and as the mother of his child she should take priority. A fair amount of posters agreed with her thankfully a lot told her to move on but it does show the mind set on here.

I fondly remember being very upset and posting how disappointed I was to have had nothing for Mother's Day from my DSC despite having something every other year and having them 50/50 for 10 years at that point I think.

I was met with a few 'well what do you expect, they have a mother and it's not you' which was nice.

The best thread is im almost 90% certain the ex is on here and started a thread once before it was deleted. All the details matched and she basically said although she left her ex hes moved on and she wants back in and as the mother of his child she should take priority. A fair amount of posters agreed with her thankfully a lot told her to move on but it does show the mind set on here.

Oh my god was this within the last year? I’m sure I saw something along those lines on aibu a few months ago!

Yeah was about 7 months ago i didnt get to read it all but im sure it was the ex she was batshit and couldn't understand why he wouldn't dump him partner for her when she had his children.

@sassbott

You know. There should also be a card set for the NR fathers and some of the corkers they come out with too!

Oh yes. My husbands favourite is this.

Or maybe it should be applied to anyone who’s a younger sibling in any kind of family set up... yeah I see that going down well.

Just imagine. 🙈

Oh yes. My husbands favourite is this.

Yy to this. Dp tells me all the time i have to treat his dd like my own... And then in the next breath reminds me im not her mother she already has a mother and i dont need to be involved. Frustrating.

Or when he says we are a family... But not really because we aren't married but ex is family because she birthed his child.

And this one for the NR fathers range.

I got pretty much exactly this earlier in the week because I had tried to let my sons (one has left home and lives in another city) have a video call without the DSC. The boys haven’t seen each other since August. And the DSC weren’t even supposed to be there at the time (their mother dropped them off 45 minutes early with no warning). So I’d actually planned for it to all be finished by the time they arrived.

But DH came down, saw that I’d let the prodigal children choose a film to watch in the other room (after warmly welcoming them while he was too busy to welcome them at all) rather than sticking them in the middle of the video call, and he came out with this. And similar. At length.

Actually there was worse stuff (memorably ‘I don’t share my money with you if you won’t share with my children’). I did suggest that I could (and would) just move out with my children if he was going to be like that. He’s since apologised and admitted he was wrong. Apparently he didn’t mean any of it. Unfortunately for him, it’s not something I’m likely to forget any time soon. Possibly ever.

Just for the anti-SMers still lurking... I don’t hate his children. They are extremely hard work (and not much fun as a result). But actually the problem is him. It’s his attitude and his parenting (they’d be much easier if it weren’t for the latter).

I never complain when he has video calls (regularly) with his family with just my DSC. I don’t barge into the room he’s in and insert myself and my children (not even our baby) into the conversation. I don’t claim he’s excluding people or that he hates his stepson because of it. I don’t tell him he’s a bad person for it. frankly I’m grateful not to have to talk to MIL.

The weaponised use of ‘you hate my children you evil stepmother’ is the NR father’s trump card when he’s annoyed you’re expecting him to parent and/or not taking on all the wife work.

@Shaniac

Oh yes. My husbands favourite is this.

Yy to this. Dp tells me all the time i have to treat his dd like my own... And then in the next breath reminds me im not her mother she already has a mother and i dont need to be involved. Frustrating.

Is this the card you receive regularly?

Oh yes that card i should preorder for myself for my next birthday. Its exhausting isnt it.

Do you also get "my children come first all the time if you dont like it you can leave."?

As if i have ever said anything about the children ever. I merely point out their mothers a nasty cunt. The kids are awesome i would prefer it if dp had full custody actually.

@sassbott

Do you know what though? Don’t these all show just how hard it is? I mean I think they’re brilliant, but equally seeing them all lined up like this just really hits it home doesn’t it?

I mean the ones with wedding photos. Or the ones of the baby feet. Days/ moments that are and should be so special/ respected/ loving. And in most people’s world they would be. Unless you’re involved with a man with kids already.
In which case it’s just completely undermined. It’s such an antithesis to what would happen elsewhere. No wonder so many SM’s find this so hard. It’s a no win situation.

I’m late on picking this up - but this really hits home with me.

My situation isn’t terrible, far from it. The SC are fine, I’m not a parent to them but I’m involved and support my DP as much as he needs. But this is so true.

I am never allowed to have moments of indulgent celebration which aren’t somehow impacted by the SC mother. New home / new baby / new job even - things which have absolutely fuck all to do with kids, including my own, manage to be compromised by this totally toxic ex relationship of his.

It’s not a case of not wanting to involve them, it’s a case of not wanting to compromise absolutely fucking every element of my life, because I don’t even do that for my own children.

And these cards are absolutely giving me life.

The best thread for a long time.

I’m lucky in that my DP is very much on the side of his kids are part of OUR family, not that I’m on the edge of theirs.
I couldn’t tolerate a man who didn’t put me on equal footing. He doesn’t have to prioritise me unreservedly but he has to prioritise the person who needs it, in each given circumstance, which might be me, might be his kids, might be our kids, might be our extended family......

It’s one thing the SC and ex having no respect for your needs, but I couldn’t accept my partner refusing to. Some of you guys have a lot more
Tolerance than me.

This thread should really go into classics.. anyone else think so?

"It’s not a case of not wanting to involve them, it’s a case of not wanting to compromise absolutely fucking every element of my life, because I don’t even do that for my own children." All of this.

Throw on a toxic enabling mother in law and you've got the perfect party that you'll never get a full invitation to. My DP and mother in law insisted that 18 year old SD came to my hen weekend. My hen weekend was DOMINATED by her rude, loud, centre of the fucking universe attitude. MIL then drive SD to my house when my husband demanded to see her for an explanation (it's like SD comes with a 73 year old bodyguard).

Now I unashamedly reserve some stuff for myself, I have no children of my own and I've given more than enough time, attention, support and money to my step children. SD has recently told DP that I have no right to an opinion when I piled into a debate on her breaking tier 4 lockdown rules for a shag. I consider that line well and truly drawn by her now.

The irony is that years of parental alienation by her mum have low gone full circle. SD has no respect for anyone's opinion and is totally lawless. As demonstrated last night when she left the house in the dark to "go for a drive" for a few hours.

Had she left my house to go for a drive she wouldn't have been allowed back into my home. Because there needs to be an element of respect for the safety of the people you live with. But apparently her mum is now so scared of the violent temper of her daughter that she lets her walk all over her.

Remember though, I'm the bad guy for standing up to her more than once

It's one thing the ex and SC having no respect for your needs, but I couldn't accept my partner refusing to. Some of you guys have a lot more Tolerance than me.

Couldn't agree more with this. There are comments made by partners even just on this thread alone that really shock me, and I never know quite how to say "why on Earth are you still putting up with this awful person?" Even if they have other, decent qualities, which is no doubt the case, most of the recent comments about things people's partners have said to them would and should be relationship deal breakers in my opinion.

Love this! Its clearly shut the bitter ex wives up as well which I'm here for.

I love this thread. Thanks @KumquatSalad it has given this evil stepmother a much needed laugh.

@aSofaNearYou I’m absolutely certain my H’s comments have made you wonder exactly that.

He is currently on relationship probation. But only because he has apologised and admitted he was wrong. And because I do recognise that he’s extremely stressed (which will have contributed even if it doesn’t excuse anything).

He needs to take a good look at himself and his actions, attitudes and behaviours - and stop trying to scapegoat me as a wicked stepmother so hates his children any time he doesn’t get his own way.

Otherwise he can take all the time in the world to reflect on quite how much he’s taken for granted when he has to do it all as a single father. He’s not my boss. Or my father. If he wants to exercise paternal authority, he’s got the children from his first marriage to parent. He could try doing that instead of complaining that I’m not doing it for him or to his satisfaction. I’m not obligated to do it all for him (especially not when he objects to me exercising any actual authority over them), even if he’s busy at work and I’m on maternity leave.

Thing is, I think wider cultural ideas around gender and stepmothers absolutely do shape so much of my husband’s attitudes. And MIL in the background does not help. In the least. Everything is always much worse after he’s spoken to his mother.

@KumquatSalad yes I admit your DPs attitude is one of the one's I cannot imagine stomaching. I'd have seen red the first time it came out, and probably given him something real to complain about! Then again, my partner's apologetic nature is probably the only reason I've managed to stay in this situation for so long. It's the only thing that keeps my tolerance for the situation alive.

@KumquatSalad you're a saint

OMG I have found my people. Yes to all of the cards and being made to feel bad about being a step/random/girlfriend lol.
Could there be a line for bitter ex's about new partners 🤔 My recent favourite was when my XH asked our 13 year old what I was doing about 'hanging out' with my OH. We've live together and are expecting a baby in 4wks. But we're just hanging out 🤣🤣 XH was engaged to his new partner before the divorce papers were filed 🙄

I think a lot of people stay in these situations for a variety of reasons. I’ll talk to my situation personally. My exp said a LOT of things that I think (even now) are pretty out of order. As @KumquatSalad says, he was super stressed at the time but they without doubt contributed to my rethinking the whole relationship.

Why did I stay? It’s hard I think to date after divorce. If you then make the further step of introducing children to a new partner and they somewhat integrate to your life/ children - it becomes much harder to pull the rug and end it.
There is an ‘ease’ certainly in my situation. My children and my ex got along ok. My exh had no issues with him and vice versa, they could be civil with one another. When you have that set up, the prospect of starting from scratch again is very very hard. I mean I have ruled out having any form of a committed relationship for any significant length of time now. I’m not prepared to introduce another man to my children. So for me, I had to balance the fact that this man had integrated into my life somewhat vs. the baggage/ issues/ toxicity he came with via his EXW.

What gave me the strength to call it a day? We had kept completely separate financials so there was no financial part (I.e I would suffer financially as a result of ending it). We also had no joint child (that would be huge in trying to make it work).

That’s why I think people stay. These comments (sometimes really hurtful and vile) can become isolated to times of intensity. And at other times on balance, the relationship works.

It’s also very overwhelming to think about starting over. I mean I sometimes sit here and think that for the next 5-8 years I will be single. That makes me sad, as it’s not really how I wanted to spend my life. But it is what it is