Evil Stepmum’s Greetings Card Collection

[KumquatSalad]

Here on stepparenting, we are developing an exciting new range of greetings cards to help express your feelings to the evil stepmother in your life.

Come share your designs with us. There’s a large untapped market out there to be captured. 😁

And yes, it is belittling other people’s thoughts and feelings. Because their thoughts and feelings are unreasonable! Hence the thread.

The recent comments have made me chuckle.
My DH has always paid way over the CMS amount, been flexible with his work and contact etc then his ex found out about me and all of a sudden she wanted to cut him down to EOW contact and double the maintenance to cover the extra childcare she would need to pay for by not allowing DH to look after DSD.
Funny that
Didn’t matter that I’d never met DSD at this point, and had no intention of giving up my lovely newly dating first flush of shagging time (which lasted two years) in favour of helping him look after his child.

How about.....
your not their mum... But my new partner is their new dad and gets a father's day card.
I kid you not, this occurred. Really wierd

@funinthesun19

shit step parenting doesn't occur despite of how an NRP behaves but because of it.

I do genuinely believe that if the NRP is a hard working, helpful person with a spine amongst many other good qualities then the stepparent will find it much easier to be a better stepparent.
The way the NRP behaves ultimately affects the whole family and how it will all pan out. My ex seemed to think that him lying in bed and having no ambition for anything was acceptable and that I would just plod along raising his first child for him and it would all be unicorns and rainbows for me. His ex couldn’t understand why I didn’t see her child as one of mine. She really needed to look at her ex husband for those answers. It was a recipe for failure and that’s exactly what happened. I did the basics and I did like dsc, none of it was their fault. But I didn’t go that extra mile because I thought what is the fucking point?

I agree with you @funinthesun19. Whether it's enabling an inherently unpleasant/unsuitable person to become a part of their children's lives, or making it really hard for an otherwise decent person to build a good step parenting relationship because they're disney parenting or handing over the gruntwork (mainly NRP) or not giving the children "permission" to like the step parent (mainly RP) - the buck always stops with the DCs parent(s). Step parents are a much easier target to point the finger at though.

@Pleaseaddcaffine

How about..... your not their mum... But my new partner is their new dad and gets a father's day card. I kid you not, this occurred. Really wierd

Quite common from what I know!

I agree with you @funinthesun19. Whether it's enabling an inherently unpleasant/unsuitable person to become a part of their children's lives, or making it really hard for an otherwise decent person to build a good step parenting relationship because they're disney parenting or handing over the gruntwork (mainly NRP) or not giving the children "permission" to like the step parent (mainly RP) - the buck always stops with the DCs parent(s). Step parents are a much easier target to point the finger at though.

I totally agree 100%. I’m sick of the blame being placed on stepmums when the children’s father is the one at fault. Especially in example number two on your post.

@Pleaseaddcaffine

How about..... your not their mum... But my new partner is their new dad and gets a father's day card. I kid you not, this occurred. Really wierd

Yeah this happens to me. Dsd gets in trouble for buying me one each year. DH tells her to stop being such a hypocrite and she buys her DP one each year from her DD, but when challenged she said "oh it's different" aye ok hen!

[quote MyCatHatesEverybody]@Littlefluffyclouds13 how about you do something less dull and tell the posters on this thread from last week how terrible they all are for not always having sweet loving thoughts about their own bloody children let alone someone else's:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4142467-To-want-to-sell-my-kid-light-hearted-fun?msgid=103876285

Maybe if we SMs post a lighthearted thread to vent some frustrations we'll be allowed to let off some steam without people stopping by just to have a dig?

Oh wait...[/quote]

I haven't read this thread but saw the title... I'm willing to bet there isn't ONE person who's commented on it that it's "unpleasant" or pointless??? 🤔

@LouJ85 funnily enough, no. What a surprise.

cant believe someone would actually come on and try and shut people up because its hit a nerve, then when its pointed out they have hit a nerve they pull the childish "no it hasnt you're all just boring so shut upppppppp".

News just in!
Apparently I’m “a delight” and “not really a family” and “at risk of setting my children a bad example”.
Because I said on another thread that I insist on being asked to provide childcare for DSD, not just told it’s happening, because it’s a favour not an obligation because she’s not my child.
There’s a card there somewhere...

🤦🏽‍♀️

Glad you found me @sassbott
Rich seam of material is spouting forth on the other thread

Hehe. I saw that Another addition to the collection!

The posts got deleted! Maybe MNHQ have been having a change of heart about us step parents?

Ooo that’s a first!

Just think it's unpleasant and can't believe it's boringly rumbling on

I think this about 9 out 10 Coronavirus threads.

There's this trick I'll tell you about, it's amazing and quite simple really... I just... Wait for it...

Don't read them.

For me, it is actually really helpful and supportive, enlightening and amusing to boot.

@MirrorMirrors

Just think it's unpleasant and can't believe it's boringly rumbling on

I think this about 9 out 10 Coronavirus threads.

There's this trick I'll tell you about, it's amazing and quite simple really... I just... Wait for it...

Don't read them.

What, and miss an opportunity to stick the boot in?!

I'm not a step mum, although DP has an (adult) child. If I'd come into the picture when DP's child was younger I can imagine having to battle the ex. Luckily we don't have to deal with her as I can see some of these cards being needed!

DPs child made a comment a little while ago that made me think I'd been discussed at home (unfavourably). Thankfully DP completely has my back and wouldn't tolerate any of this nonsense that a lot of you have to put up with. Also as it is my house, he's very clear that I set the rules and his child has to pitch in and do what I ask.

I have struggled with the length of time of visits mind, his 'child' doesn't stay over as there's no room, he's an adult and I only met him a little while ago but having another adult here for 9 hours is draining, especially as he seems to have taken to following me around or has tried to 'parent' my DCs, which my eldest does not appreciate. Thankfully I have been able to speak to DP about it and he's had a word. I am enjoying the thread though and have seen all of this bullshit thrown at SMs on here.

What has struck me most is the sheer amount of ex's who are completely incapable of putting their child's needs before their own!

What has struck me most is the sheer amount of ex's who are completely incapable of putting their child's needs before their own!

Indeed and in terms of the "flak" they get for this it is minimal.

Even by MN "anti hun" standards they get a lot of sympathy for their feelings/actions even if people don't condone them.

One of the most destructive is this obsession with the OW.

Even if the Ex's new partner was the OW it's not a free pass to exhibit behaviours that have negative consequences on your child nor to encourage them.

I'm not unsympathetic whatsoever to understanding how hard it must be to deal with the OW being a SM to your child.

That said I'm utterly unsympathetic when that spills over into attitudes and actions purportedly taken to punish an Ex that have a detrimental impact on the kids.

Even* if the Ex's new partner was the OW it's not a free pass to exhibit behaviours that have negative consequences on your child nor to encourage them.

I'm not unsympathetic whatsoever to understanding how hard it must be to deal with the OW being a SM to your child.

That said I'm utterly unsympathetic when that spills over into attitudes and actions purportedly taken to punish an Ex that have a detrimental impact on the kids.*

And most of us weren't even the OW! Some of us (like me) met our partners months after the breakdown of a marriage that was in fact caused by the ex W's infidelity and unreasonable behaviour. Yet we're still vilified on here.

Well my dcs' sm was the OW & it was unbelievably hard for me to get over this but I did. I'm not blowing my own trumpet - it was hard & I spent A LOT on therapy, and there were times when I wished all sorts of evil on her & my exh.
However, we all have a choice - stay hurt & bitter or take things in hand & move on.
The first is easier in the short term, keeps you trapped in the past & runs the real risk of having your dc turn out as bitter & twisted as you are. The second is very hard but ultimately very liberating & MUCH better for your dc.
It really is as simple as that: you have a choice.

However, we all have a choice - stay hurt & bitter or take things in hand & move on.The first is easier in the short term, keeps you trapped in the past & runs the real risk of having your dc turn out as bitter & twisted as you are. The second is very hard but ultimately very liberating & MUCH better for your dc. It really is as simple as that: you have a choice.

That should be handed out in cards at relationship breakdowns, so many people inadvertently choose to be bitter in the long term.

My ex and his new partner have done horrible things, it wasn’t fair or right but it comes a time that fighting for fairness or justice takes you into the path of long term misery.

I asume that this also applies when you are a SM, it shouldn’t be forgotten that choices are still available, behind spineless Disney dad or nasty SC. Obviously choices come at a cost but sometimes putting a stop to something that is making you unhappy often leads to a better life (albeit to a different life in some cases).

I met my DH TWO YEARS after he and his ex parted. Yet I am still accused of being the OW in the year before they split...! Even though we lived in different bloody countries!