I'm fucking sick to death of the Christmas fight every year

[GoldiePaws]

I cannot be arsed with it anymore. I'm done speaking about it with DH. I honestly don't even care now.

I'm sick to death of him and his ex scrapping over Christmas day and who gets to do what and at what time and so on...

I'm sick of DH talking about how it'll ruin his Christmas, he probably won't even get out of bed and so on...

I fucking hate that the run up to Christmas every year is spent in bickering and 'im not even looking forward to it' and so on.

It makes me angry for our child, that their Christmas day is dictated by two people who can't just fucking agree.

It's never about the kids either. It's about them. I want to spend X time with them, I want to do dinner, I want the morning and back and forth.

Just fucking grow up!!

I couldn't do with the stress of Christmas day handovers, so we now do First week of holidays and Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day alternating every year. This year I have them from the 27th onwards because the fricking date we celebrate doesn't matter, just being together does, plus they love their two Christmas Days.

DS has now been told he wont see his DC because of the new restrictions. We are in Tier 2. She is in a bubble with her family. It has gifted her an excuse to exclude him.

@coldwarenigma

DS has now been told he wont see his DC because of the new restrictions. We are in Tier 2. She is in a bubble with her family. It has gifted her an excuse to exclude him.

Children can move between the households of separated parents. They’ve always been able to in any tier or lockdown.

It's crazy isn't it, so much fuss over 1 day and it is crap for the kids having to swap houses on Christmas day. My ExH came to an agreement yrs ago. He picks them up on the morning of 24th & brings them back boxing day afternoon. I take all the Christmas shifts at work(£££££). Then I do Christmas eve with them again on 26th. It works so much better &,the kids get 2 Christmas mornings.

Kumquat I thought so but she refused during the lockdowns and has told him he cant see them Boxing Day as planned. Originally they were going to be dropped off at ours and he would come here.
Needless to say she will see all her relatives

Court order in place-routinely ignored. Children well cared for apart from parental alienation no court is going to enforce it however much he spends on it, money he would rather spend on the kids.

@coldwarenigma

DS has now been told he wont see his DC because of the new restrictions. We are in Tier 2. She is in a bubble with her family. It has gifted her an excuse to exclude him.

Thats simply not true. What is he doing about it?

Another thing is, who does the DC want to spend Christmas day with?
My DB is divorced, but his kids spend every Christmas with him, because they want to and my ex SIL would rather they enjoyed the day and had more fun, which they do with our side of the family.

Mainly because they get to see their similar aged cousins and we celebrate in a big way. At least we did pre Covid.

it is crap for the kids having to swap houses on Christmas day
It really depends. This what my kids wanted above what we as parents would have preferred. Because my didn't care for what they cared most, it was me doing the driving every year. Thankfully only 25mn so not a big deal.

Thats simply not true. What is he doing about it?

What can he do about it? The poster says the mother has breached court orders before, and courts won’t enforce.

Courts are barely sitting at the minute anyway, so to start I don’t like his chances of getting a court order, and then she’s likely to ignore it anyway as there are no consequences for her.

So what does he do? Get the court order and go round and take the children against her wishes? By force? Get the police to come with him to enforce it?

We've never alternated Christmas, DS is always with me. His Dad has never been that interested and the couple of times he has arranged to pick DS up on Christmas Day afternoon he cocks up somehow ( runs late and breaks down with DS on the motorway!). DS knows if he wants to go, he just needs to ask and I'll arrange it for him, but he doesn't want to - which is fine by me.

Alternating it between them is the only fair possibly solution here and keeping to it. It’s fighting here for the sake of it when there is a possible solution?

I don’t think the actual Christmas arrangements matter in the least here. It’s the DH’s attitude that’s the problem. Regardless what the contact arrangement for his older child is, he should be enjoying Christmas with his wife and other child. And not just the day - the whole run up to it too.

He needs to learn to make the best of the situation he finds himself in. It’s not ok to sulk and ruin things for everyone else just because he and his ex can’t compromise like proper grown ups.