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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Lying to school

66 replies

zerosanity · 08/11/2020 12:44

I really need some help. My step son keeps going into his school/threatening to tell his school that I've done things that I've not done. For example, he went into his school and told them that I had hit him and pushed him over which was untrue and now we have social services to deal with. I am trying to train to become a teaching assistant and I'm worried that this is going to affect my future. One day I'm the best step mum in the world and then next he's lying to school telling them I'm abusing him. I'm sat here in tears because I've asked him to tidy his room and he's threatened to tell school that I've hurt him. I've contacted the social worker to pre inform her of this but I'm worried it's just going to make me look like I'm hiding something... What can I do? :(

OP posts:

LyingDogsLie1 · 10/11/2020 07:02

OP things might look difficult now, but it will be a short road to recovery. You can pick yourself up and fulfil your dreams. If you chose to stay your SC and OH will ruin your life.

CupoTeap · 10/11/2020 07:13

Op I promise your mental health will be improved by getting out of there.

You must leave before he ruins your future.

linedtartancushion · 10/11/2020 07:43

OP your mental health will definitely start to build back up in a positive way once you're out. Even if you live in a hostel you'll be happier. You'll meet someone one day as well that respects you and doesn't use you. You're being used. But only you can get yourself out of this. Unless you wait until the authorities come at you when your dss is finished getting you out himself.

I would definitely try to get a small job even if it's volunteering. You need to get out of that environment and start meeting other people as well. I hope your dp doesn't stop you working. It sounds like he wants you under his thumb and has got you there.

KitKatastrophe · 10/11/2020 07:49

Dad is very laid back and doesn't care about much tbh

The dad is always zoned out playing on his console

Dump this loser and move out. He's got you trapped- he gets an unpaid babysitter and he knows you will find it hard to move out. What are you getting from this relationship apart from a roof? Living in a hostel would be a better choice long term, although I know its hard to make that decision.

averythinline · 10/11/2020 07:56

if you cant work with your MH issues have you tried claiming PIP and ESA ? you are stuck but only you can unstick yourself....
If you turn up homeless you may get a hostel space but it is teh start of your life..
this current situation is not going to get any better ...only worse if an 11 year old can see where you are in the pecking order that he can treat you so badly .....and your partner does nothing for either of you..

Please start a new life....the fact youwant to be a TA is great set yourself fre to get there....I'm aying itll be easy but you wont be dragged down by others...

Original poster

zerosanity · 10/11/2020 08:57

Sent the social worker a long message and came clean about everything that happens in the house. I've been lying for my partner for too long and they need to see that he's no fit to be a parent and either help him or the remove the children so they can actually live a better life. If he doesn't change and they take the kids then I will be leaving alongside because anyone who can't learn to parent their kids properly isn't someone I want to be with when I want my own child in the future too. Thanks for your help everyone. I value each and everyone's opinions x

OP posts:

anxiousanxiety · 10/11/2020 09:06

Please please leave, have you not got a friend or family you can stay with?

MrPickles73 · 10/11/2020 09:26

Sounds like a good plan OP. Good luck x

Original poster

zerosanity · 12/11/2020 19:07

Update:

I'm now in a women's refuge because my partner was violent towards me during an argument. Seems it has finally clicked and he has realised he needs help in form of therapy/meds and has an appointment with a therapist later this month. So I'm taking some time to myself, might even get my own place but I would need to see big changes if I was to go back after what has happened. I guess this is the start of the next stage of my journey..

OP posts:

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 12/11/2020 19:14

@zerosanity

Update:

Do not go back. Even if he shows those changes there's no guarantee he won't revert back. This time you made it out, will you next time?

He's shown you who he is.. a shit father, a shit and abusive partner.

Stay where you are, build a new life for yourself and don't look back.

Original poster

zerosanity · 12/11/2020 19:27

I would like to think I could give him one more chance but he knows what will happen if he does it again. I will press charges and he will be locked up and lose his children. At least he has taken the first step in admitting he has things wrong with him. It will be a long time until I consider going back anyway if at all

OP posts:

Shitfuckoh · 12/11/2020 19:40

"Things wrong with him" Sounds to me like your ex is saying whatever he thinks you want to hear. You're out of there, keep it that way as trust me, he will never change.

Original poster

zerosanity · 12/11/2020 19:46

Well he didn't word it like that but I've seen all the messages between him and his family and they've told me he's been in bits crying and hardly speaking etc.. like I said it will take time to figure things out but I'm glad to take some time to myself stress free. I don't have to decide what to do straight away so that's good

OP posts:

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 12/11/2020 20:20

@zerosanity

While he "sorts" himself out go zero contact. You have no need to be involved in what he says to family,how he feels ,what he does and all that emotional blackmail.

Make it a clean break,at least for a while. I bet after a few weeks ,you'll never want to go back to the whole sorry mess again.

RedMarauder · 12/11/2020 20:38

OP at 23 you do not need to be with a man with children.

Find someone who is childless.

Block your ex. If you feel tempted to look at any messages please do it with someone else there who understands his abusive nature.

LyingDogsLie1 · 13/11/2020 08:54

@RedMarauder

OP at 23 you do not need to be with a man with children. Find someone who is childless.

Block your ex. If you feel tempted to look at any messages please do it with someone else there who understands his abusive nature.

Please please heed this advice.

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