Lying to school

[zerosanity]

I really need some help. My step son keeps going into his school/threatening to tell his school that I've done things that I've not done. For example, he went into his school and told them that I had hit him and pushed him over which was untrue and now we have social services to deal with. I am trying to train to become a teaching assistant and I'm worried that this is going to affect my future. One day I'm the best step mum in the world and then next he's lying to school telling them I'm abusing him. I'm sat here in tears because I've asked him to tidy his room and he's threatened to tell school that I've hurt him. I've contacted the social worker to pre inform her of this but I'm worried it's just going to make me look like I'm hiding something... What can I do? :(

What age is this child?
While I agree what he is doing is dangerous and I'd be tempted to just walk away, all that does is reinforce the behaviour for this child. You need to have a meeting with the social worker and school and lay this all out on the table and come up with a plan together, including the child if he's old enough. He plainly is struggling and needs outside help. He has found a response that gets a reaction from other adults and will keep doing this otherwise. What happens if he makes allegations about his teacher next?

Where is the children's father in this?

You're quite mistaken, OP, and if you're going to be a TA you will have to learn this. And develop a bit of resilience. Social Services do have to take every allegation seriously; they do not 'always side with the child'. With an absentee mother they're going to be alive to the fact that this may be a fabrication. But you're going to have to help yourself out here. Note every incident and find some way to record it covertly. Discuss what you're going to do about this behaviour, with his father. Make it clear that this is the last chance saloon and if not resolved quickly - you're outta there.

@sassbott

You do have a choice Op. You’re allowing a child to bully you and potentially ruin your life. Christ, I’d pack my bags and leave before tolerating this.

Absolutely. This child cannot dictate to you. You can chose to stay. The child cannot chose that for you. It might be a difficult choice bit a choice nonetheless. You do not have to leave your DH. Can you live with a relative?

I can't leave as I have no where else to go and cannot afford to live on my own due to my financial circumstances. The social worker called me and told me she understands that sometimes children do this because of many things happening in their life and that I just need to try my best to ignore it and report it when it arises. But that doesn't solve my problem of not wanting to do anything with him when he keeps saying these things :(

What does his dad do about this? What age is the child?

Child is 11. Dad is very laid back and doesn't care about much tbh. Child always complains that his dad doesn't do anything with him. I think I might have figured it out. I think the child is angry at his dad for not being a good father but because he's scared of his dad he takes it out on me. I'm always the one that does the discipline because the dad is always zoned out playing on his console

I've just read your other threads. You're what, 23 at most?

Get the hell out of this situation. These kids are being let down left, right and centre. It's awful, but as a result, you are literally being used and abused by them and their pathetic excuse for a father.

Make a plan, a very short term one, and get your life back.

Sorry you need to leave.

Sounds like your partner is a waste of space anyway.

Don't let this family ruin your future.

@PumpkinsPatch

Sorry you need to leave.

Sounds like your partner is a waste of space anyway.

Don't let this family ruin your future.

This!

You feel chained to this family that are abusing you. You feel that there is no way out? There is always a way out. These are not your children and their father will not step up until you leave. Think of it that your presence here is preventing the father from doing his duties as a father. Create a plan. Look positively not what cannot happen, look what can happen. This isn't going to improve

You should leave.

Sounds like you are providing free childcare.

You are better off starting your own life.

@excelledyourself

I've just read your other threads. You're what, 23 at most?

Get the hell out of this situation. These kids are being let down left, right and centre. It's awful, but as a result, you are literally being used and abused by them and their pathetic excuse for a father.

Make a plan, a very short term one, and get your life back.

I didn't know this was a thing that you could read other threads. God I guess you know everything I've been through now. I find myself posting on here every so often and everyone tells me the same thing and I guess I don't listen. I'm in my overdraft, have no family to live with and if I leave I'll only end up homeless or in a hostel. I've applied for housing and been given band C because they don't think I'm in need even though I ironically put down homeless on the application. I'm just stuck that's all. I want to stay because I love him and I want to help him but they only person that can help him is himself.

I don't know where you live OP, but I have noticed lots of rooms for rent in shared houses recently. That might be a way out for you.
I agree with everyone saying leave. You are in an impossible situation and it will only get worse. Your partner is using you for free childcare. This family needs more input from SS.
I have a lodger (a single young woman in her 20s) It works very well. We have our own space but we both like knowing there is someone else in the house.

More than that, I can see what this child has gone through. An apparently abusive mum and stepdad, and a negligent father who would rather hand him over to social care than invest anything into him.

The dad doesn't care enough to help his own son, so what chance have you got? Absolutely none.

OP can you not rent a room with someone?

Probably a silly suggestion during times of Covid. But I refuse to believe a 23 year old has no options. I’m sure somebody can advise.

Op, Aged 23 you want to sort this out now. Get a job anywhere and rent a room.

If you don't sort this now you're either going to ruin your own life or this dc will ruin it for you.

I'm in my overdraft and partner owes me over £1000, this seems a lot but he's paid a lot back from what he originally owed me. I currently can't work due to mental health reasons, so no options in terms of housing unfortunately. But like I said before. I don't want to leave I want things to change. I know it might never happen and once I'm back on my feet if things haven't changed then I will be leaving but for now all I can do is try

Where were you living prior to meeting DP?

I concur with the above - get a job and move out. Choose life..

What can you do? You can leave, that's what.

Don't waste your life going round in this circle.

Your mental health will improve drastically once you move out, I'm sure.

You wanting things to change is not enough. Your partner has to want things to change and be proactive in making it happen.

And why does he owe you so much money? He sounds more and more useless the more you write about him.

Leave, and if he changes things, then you can reconsider. Stay, nothing will change and everything about your life - your finances, mental health, reputation, and prospects will be shot to bits.

@zerosanity

I'm in my overdraft and partner owes me over £1000, this seems a lot but he's paid a lot back from what he originally owed me. I currently can't work due to mental health reasons, so no options in terms of housing unfortunately. But like I said before. I don't want to leave I want things to change. I know it might never happen and once I'm back on my feet if things haven't changed then I will be leaving but for now all I can do is try

What you want and what the reality is are two very different things.

They won't change? Why would they? Your so called partner has an inbuilt baby sitter,mother and disciplinarian to his children.

He doesn't give a shit about the effect these type of accusations have on you. Not just mentally ,but for your future prospects. Maybe he even welcomes them because you'll be trapped for even longer. All it takes is one unexplained bruise for this to escalate.

If you leave, it might be terribly hard. But you can focus on yourself. You won't have these accusations hanging over you. You won't have to spend all your free time catering to other's wants and needs. Most importantly you won't have to live with someone who actively shows every day that he doesn't care about you.

You already sacrificed two years with nothing in return. How many more will you sacrifice?

You really should leave, even if it means living in a hostel.

If you won’t leave, then you do have to avoid ever being alone with the child. It’s not enough that he only says things when dad is around, you need to always have a witness to any interaction you have with the child.