Lying to school

[zerosanity]

I really need some help. My step son keeps going into his school/threatening to tell his school that I've done things that I've not done. For example, he went into his school and told them that I had hit him and pushed him over which was untrue and now we have social services to deal with. I am trying to train to become a teaching assistant and I'm worried that this is going to affect my future. One day I'm the best step mum in the world and then next he's lying to school telling them I'm abusing him. I'm sat here in tears because I've asked him to tidy his room and he's threatened to tell school that I've hurt him. I've contacted the social worker to pre inform her of this but I'm worried it's just going to make me look like I'm hiding something... What can I do? :(

Not your monkey not your circus- I'd refuse to have him in the house. What does his mum/father say or your partner say.

How old is he?

Do you live with his dad? Does he?

If you don’t live together then see you BF without SS.

Either way your BF needs to address this. If it’s not you it will be someone else and DSS needs to understand how serious fake accusations are for everyone,

Do not be alone at any time with him then if he does lie you will have a witness to this. Sorry you are going through this. Kids can be very cruel and definitely knows what will work to their advantage

You can't be alone with him, ever. How is your partner dealing with things?

I'd walk away

Gosh what a terrible situation, I'm so sorry.

Would it be an idea to set your phone recording on and then when you ask him to tidy his room and he says he'll lie and tell people he's hurting you - you have evidence to say it isn't true?

I'd speak to your partner about it and really it depends on the situation, if you and partner live together say you no longer want him in the house until this matter is resolved and if you don't live together then only see partner when he isn't there.

Sadly some kids are like this, has he got the idea from anywhere like his mum or are you on good terms?

Would definitely keep the social worker updated when he does anything like that.

Good luck

Te father and mother need to work this one out.
Better for you not to stay on your own with him if that is possible.
Do not over stress yourself, I am sure SS do see cases like this. So if you ha0ve not done anything wrong, then they will see through it.
It is crystal clear that this boy is having massive issues with his parents separation. And both parents need to address this. Is he going to counselling? Because he sounds like he needs it.

Set up regular team around the child meetings with the school. He's clearly unhappy and as a family you need to work with the school to understand this.

If you have to be alone with him, record every time, and make sure step son does not know you are recording the conversation. You can then let your partner and social services hear the threats. I might even get cameras placed around the house as well. I'm sorry you are going through this but in my opinion he is only going to get more adventourous with his accusations.

You refuse to be alone with him. Ever.

I'd walk away.

Your whole future could be fucked.

What an utterly awful situation. My friend had similar. Her SS now doesn't come to her house and her DH takes him to his parents during contact time.

Sounds awful! Don't be alone with him at all. What does you DH have to say?

He shouldn't be in your home. You need to arrange for bf to see him elsewhere or live separately for good if he wont support you. Don't put yourself at risk. What are his parents doing about it?

Is this for real?
Do not be alone with this child, set up internal security cameras and tell said child that in future things are being recorded. And then have a very clear conversation with your partner about how you are going to be protected from these allegations. Where is your partner in all of this?

I would not be with him alone.

I've been in this situation. It's awful, truly awful. I now don't be in a room alone with her, don't text her, nothing. I'm hanging in because my marriage is wonderful when she's not here, but she has not made it easy and has ramped things up in recent months but not towards me - yet. If she doesn't get what she wants I've no doubt I'm in for another round of defending myself. No wisdom to give I'm sorry

I couldn't be in a relationship with this kind of thing found on. It's far too stressful and you'll end up being a nervous wreck because of it.

What does his father have to say about this OP.. or for that matter - his mother? If I were his mother I would not let him come anywhere near you if I believed any of his accusations.

Typo

I couldn't be in a relationship with this kind of thing GOING on

The idea to record him threatening you is a very good one. Make sure he does not know you are doing it. Record from the moment he arrives. Set up a secret hidden camera too. Play to bf and SW.

Mother isn't around, I live with my partner and the kids and have done for 2 years now. I have informed social services of the allegations but unfortunately they have to take them seriously and always side with the child. I am supposed to be volunteering at his school and now they're wary of me because they think I'm an abuser. It's horrible. I have no choice to be alone with him from time to time, but he never really says it just in front of me he will always say it in front of his dad so I always have a witness there. Just so stressful one minute he's lovely to me and the next I get this. And I'm not someone that can just forgive and forget, I have a grudge for this child and I'm ashamed and it makes me not want to do anything for him because of the lack of respect. Something I need to be mature about I know, but it is affecting my relationship with my partner too.

How old is this child? It sounds very manipulative?

You do have a choice Op. You’re allowing a child to bully you and potentially ruin your life.
Christ, I’d pack my bags and leave before tolerating this.

And social services do not side with a child. They have a duty of care to investigate safeguarding concerns. They are fully aware of false complaints but have to make checks.

You have two issues

1. the current investigation
2. your future

Because unless this kid comes clean and says he lied? And he can always retrospectively say he was coerced into saying that. Yea, they are going to take his report seriously.
And even if he does say he’s lying, as a child there are no repercussions to him. At all.

I would either be installing internal security cameras now or I’d be leaving. Not a chance in hell I’d let some mixed up kid (that isn’t even mine), potentially ruin my life. An allegation like this can become criminal...and that will impact pretty much anywhere you want to work as nearly all employers I know of run DBS checks.