To not cancel what I'm doing?

[LittlePlease]

My step children stay 3 times a week, usually one night in the week and then over the weekend (although changes week by week).

This week there has been an exciting change at mums meaning we missed a night in the week as they wanted to stay there which is fine.

They are coming this evening and staying tonight and tomorrow night.

I go every Sunday to see my mum. DH wants me to cancel tomorrow because we've not seen the children all week and 'do I not want to spend any time with them'.

AIBU to say no? I wouldn't mind if we were actually planning to do anything but more often than not on a Sunday it will be a lazy day, we will stay in and watch TV and they will usually play with friends on their consoles / talk to them over headsets etc... So we don't actually 'spend time together' for the majority of the day, they usually have their headsets on sat in the other room.

I really don't think they care whether or not I'm there to be honest!

Hope your visiting your mum today

He needs to get a grip. He’s seeing his children and you have plans of your own. What’s wrong with that?

A long time ago, when I was quite a newish stepmum, my ex was taking his dc to their swimming lesson one Saturday morning. I said I’m going to stay at home and get some bits done and I’ll catch up with you both later on.
Well, he was so offended and even started with the whole, “Fun isn’t bothered about watching your swimming lesson. Come on we’ll just go on our own. I care about watching you.” I’m actually mad at myself now because I let him manipulate me in to coming along and I ended up going.

Stick to your guns op. You don’t have to devote your time to spending time with the dscs when they come.

@funinthesun19
Glad he’s an ex 👍🏼
I never understand anyone, even a DP expecting you to be enthusiastic about their kids.

Glad he’s an ex 👍🏼

So am I

I never understand anyone, even a DP expecting you to be enthusiastic about their kids.
I don’t understand it either. I just find it so bizarre that the op’s dh wants the op to cancel her plans because his children are coming and “doesn’t she want to see them?”. Well, maybe she isn’t actually that overly bothered about falling over herself to see them, but she is bothered about seeing her mum so that takes priority. The op will see them at some point and she can have a catch up with them I’m sure.

That's ridiculous!
Don't EVER not go see your mom because of someone else's kids!

Please Op, go and see your Mum.

Going against the grain here - it does depend on the dynamics eg do the kids like hanging out with you @LittlePlease ? Do you do things all together? Missing seeing your mum one week doesn't seem a big deal to me but then I've just cancelled seeing my mum because dp's dd is coming (doesn't come often admittedly as a student) and I want to make her welcome.

Suggest they all
Come with you to your mum’s and watch him backtrack....

Going against the grain here - it does depend on the dynamics eg do the kids like hanging out with you @LittlePlease ? Do you do things all together? Missing seeing your mum one week doesn't seem a big deal to me but then I've just cancelled seeing my mum because dp's dd is coming (doesn't come often admittedly as a student) and I want to make her welcome.

The key word being you WANTED to do it. OP does not and asked whether she should feel obliged to. She also made it clear in the OP she sees them three days a week so this is not a special visit.

Don't give in to his attempt at emotional blackmail!

Go and see your mom OP. I never understand parents who dont understand that not everyone feels the same way that they do about their DC. Of course hes missed them, they're his children!

No, this one needs a gentle but firm foot putting down.

'No, I'll be going to see my mum. She's as important to me as your children are to you' (smile)

I believe that any further advice in terms of staying or going will only be relevant if the OP has a time machine handy.

It seems like it’s got to the point where it’s quantity of time over quality of time with the SC. He wants to be able to say to people ‘I see them 3 times a week’ But the reality is, they spend their time in their room for at least one of those days so it’s not spending time together. You definitely don’t need to be there and this could be an opportunity for him to spend some time with them.