Mum wants to be there when we tell DSC about pregnancy. Thoughts?

[FrootTheLoot]

Me and DH are wanting to say no tbh. She's been difficult in the past.

We have already told her as we thought that was the right thing to do but she's now saying she thinks she should be there too incase they need support.

Her being there might give them the impression that this is a situation they need support for, which might ot even occur to them if you don't make it into a big deal

I personally, would tell her to jog on. But really depends on how much shit it would cause if you told the DSC without her there and if you can be arsed with the fall out from it.

We didn't even tell DSD mum I was pregnant prior to telling DSD and DSD then told her after we had suprised her

Nothing to do with her.

@mosquitofeast

Her being there might give them the impression that this is a situation they need support for, which might ot even occur to them if you don't make it into a big deal

To be honest we think they will take it okay. They have even asked us before when we are having a baby and said they'd like one. I understand it may be a shock at first and we are prepared for maybe some tears at the initial news but nothing that DH doesn't feel he can support himself.

No. Just no. What’s it got to do with her?

I don't know. In a way, why not. Don't make a big deal about it. Do it when she picks them up or drops them off.

My teens would be upset if their dad had more kids. But then, I can imagine I'd find it easier to reassure my first kids I still lived them if their other parent wasn't there.

Nope !

Because she has a habit of undermining him with things in the past in front of the children and he wants to be able to do this himself.

The children live with us 50/50 and always have done and always will (so long as they want to).

They aren't teens either, they are both under ten.

Why on earth did you tell her first ?

@Redshoeblueshoe

Why on earth did you tell her first ?

Because we thought it was the right thing to do so she was prepared for when they came to hers after finding out.

Definitely not, nothing to do with her.

Huh? If she has a baby she can be there when they find out. This is your baby, in your uterus, your pregnancy is yours to share as you choose and nothing at all to do with her.

Obviously say no. You’d be asking for trouble.

Does she want to be at your scans too? The birth? I wouldn’t have told her, we didn’t. Start creating and maintaining clear boundaries now.

No! Why does she know before the children?

It is nothing to do with her. Is there a specific reason why they would be upset?

I agree with the poster that says it might make them think they need to worry. I'm sure their dad, am involved parent who has them 50% of the time is capable of telling them on his own. She doesn't need to make it into a drama.

My DSC were thrilled when we told them baby news. I am sure they would have thought something was very strange if their mum was there when she isnt normally.

When do you see them next? Hopefully she wont tell them...

She's probably already told them tbh

How old are they, OP?

It smacks of control to me.

We also did what we thought was the right thing by telling exP first but she abused it.

I think you should tell them together, you, DH and the children. And do it at the start of their time with you, so you can answer any questions and it has time to settle before Ex can present her own agenda.

Congratulations!

We told my DSC and they told their mum.
Had she known before them she would probably have wanted to be there too as she hates not being involved but we felt this wasn't to do with her.
My DSC were really excited about the news and wanted to be the ones to tell everyone anyway.

No, it's nothing to do with her, she wants in on drama in my view! Also PPs are right - if you give them reason to think they need support they are likely to take it not so well. It's a bit like changing from a cot to a bed - if you say "don't worry, it'll be ok" then they will worry. If you go down the road of "how exciting a big bed!" they tend to transition well!

None of her business, she can be support if needed from home, when dd goes back.

Your news!! None of her business..
And you can big up your news!!
Not sure why a op said not to make a deal of it!!
Getting a sibling should be announced in a positive manner surely?

Oh god no. She doesn’t need to be there.

She’s making look like you’re all sitting them down to tell them something really terrible and like a op said, they need support for.
Don’t let her sour face dampen it!

like a pp said**