Step kid’s mum not isolating.

[Itshotoday]

My step kids are great. We have them every other weekend and the odd additional week over the last few months.

My issue is my husband and I have worked throughout lockdown with our children here And We have seen more of my step children. That bit’s all good but we have isolated otherwise. I’ve had no childcare whilst working. My parents have health conditions and I am close to them so it has really hurt not having time with them and of course they haven’t been able to help out with childcare. It’s been challenging.

It’s been brilliant having step kids over. BUT the issue is with mum: she has seen her boyfriend and his children through lock down. She has been abroad - went last week, she has been out for meals in the last few nights (saying doing her bit for Boris), seen friends throughout lockdown but told the kids her friend round for drinks but told the kids her friends had had -ve Covid tests.

I work for the nhs. I just feel so upset. I’m negative for antibodies but struggling as I feel we have really compromised. I know I’m so lucky everyone is well but I really want to see my parents and can’t expose them.

I don’t want to cause war between myself and the step mum.

I came hear to moan because if I discuss with my husband he gets cross with her which isn’t helpful because he won’t talk to her about it. She asked him to lie to the kids when she went on holiday because it may upset them but he said he wouldn’t and was so cross she went and asked him to lie he was stressed and angry at home.

They’re lovely kids. I know this is all part of being a step mum but it feels so disheartening. We’ve always had an ok relationship with the mum, she’s an interesting character 😁 v beautiful works hard but can be very selfish and has quite a tunnel vision view of the world, she was the one who had the affair many years ago so she’s always accepted me.

If we say anything she won’t listen and she can be really nasty and the relationship with the step children and us is brilliant. We get to see the children a lot.

I just feel what’s the point of us even isolating. Sigh.

Everyone single research study and all governments advice make it extremely clear the risk of outdoor transmission is virtually zero. There's been one case WORLDWIDE of confirmed outdoor transmission and that was a close quarters conversation with a traveller from Wuhan so no, you don't need to jump out of the way when someone passes you in the street. Especially when cases of community transmission are so low you'd be extremely unlucky to come across anyone with CV in the first place.

I'd have hoped someone working for the NHS would be better informed. Do you know anything about viruses? And have some common sense - did you really think someone walking past you could transmit CV? Would you not think the guidance would be different if that was the case? Do you not think virtually everyone in the world would have caught it if that were true? Have you not seen the packed parks, beaches and thousands of people at BLM protests not leading to huge spikes in infections?

I'm the resident parent in your situation OP. I've followed guidelines to the letter especially considering I had a major health scare just before lockdown started.

My exh and his partner are terriefied of covid to the point they havnt really left the house since it began. They work from home and have seen noone. They have left me to deal with the kids, recuperating, work and
school on my own because they have become irrational with fear.

He simply states that he will see the children when he feels safe. Ive been berated for bubbling with my parents as I'm putting him (how I have no idea) in danger.

Don't become like my ex. Be practical, risk assess etc but please be sensible.

It seems like what you want is for your step kids and their mother to stay away from everyone and for you to be able to visit who you like, go to work etc. Because of course you are doing it all so properly and safely. What do you think she's doing... licking her friends faces and sharing cups of saliva?

Exactly.

@saraclara
I think you are being reactionary and harsh. Yes I wouldn’t be jumping out of the way of people outside. However the kids Mum went abroad, didn’t self isolate when she came back, and is going out for meals and lots of places. That is on the high end of risk and OP works with vulnerable people. So totally fair enough for her to be miffed.