Step kid’s mum not isolating.

[Itshotoday]

My step kids are great. We have them every other weekend and the odd additional week over the last few months.

My issue is my husband and I have worked throughout lockdown with our children here And We have seen more of my step children. That bit’s all good but we have isolated otherwise. I’ve had no childcare whilst working. My parents have health conditions and I am close to them so it has really hurt not having time with them and of course they haven’t been able to help out with childcare. It’s been challenging.

It’s been brilliant having step kids over. BUT the issue is with mum: she has seen her boyfriend and his children through lock down. She has been abroad - went last week, she has been out for meals in the last few nights (saying doing her bit for Boris), seen friends throughout lockdown but told the kids her friend round for drinks but told the kids her friends had had -ve Covid tests.

I work for the nhs. I just feel so upset. I’m negative for antibodies but struggling as I feel we have really compromised. I know I’m so lucky everyone is well but I really want to see my parents and can’t expose them.

I don’t want to cause war between myself and the step mum.

I came hear to moan because if I discuss with my husband he gets cross with her which isn’t helpful because he won’t talk to her about it. She asked him to lie to the kids when she went on holiday because it may upset them but he said he wouldn’t and was so cross she went and asked him to lie he was stressed and angry at home.

They’re lovely kids. I know this is all part of being a step mum but it feels so disheartening. We’ve always had an ok relationship with the mum, she’s an interesting character 😁 v beautiful works hard but can be very selfish and has quite a tunnel vision view of the world, she was the one who had the affair many years ago so she’s always accepted me.

If we say anything she won’t listen and she can be really nasty and the relationship with the step children and us is brilliant. We get to see the children a lot.

I just feel what’s the point of us even isolating. Sigh.

Both you and yo he children work OP
In what kind of jobs?

“you and your husband work”

Aren't there very few countries you have to self isolate on return from? Could be wrong since I have no plans to travel!

Assuming you're not in Scotland

@twodots But if you were 2 metres away what did it matter about the sleepover? You couldn't have passed it...

@twodots But if you were 2 metres away what did it matter about the sleepover? You couldn't have passed it...

I was scared, nothing more. You can’t always put logic into feeling fearful.

Why are you challenging me so much? I gave op support expressing I know how she feels. Can we leave it at that please? This isn’t my thread

The chances of community transmission now is really very low so if you are being sensible yourselves, I see no reason whatsoever for you to have some socially distanced time with your parents outside?
True, but here in Ireland 65% of new cases are in people returning from abroad. I think people partaking of non essential travel are being extremely selfish & reckless & will push a lot of countries right back into lockdown.

Two dots thank you you were supporting me and teaching out - it was me that controversially started the thread. Attack me instead.

I think it’s very hard when as I said before someone else’s decision affects your life. If that decision Is one in your opinion places your family under threat for what seems like -I appreciate this is from my own selfish angle-superficial or unnecessary reasonings it’s a bit hurtful, frustrating and I think we’re all scared. To be hoe at do I really miss my parents - yes. If they got I’ll after me visiting would I be upset - well of course. Does my husband ex give two monkeys about any of this no? She has no emotional attachment to my family. I also get the odd break, the need to see someone. The need to chat to others I understand it. What I don’t understand is, on another note we’ve been in lock down for months and it hasn’t been plain sailing. The relief of some lifting of rules is a breath of fresh air but going back to normal and pretend there isn’t still the risk for me doesn’t seem logical.

Completely agree with you op and Magda. I cannot understand foreign holidays at the moment. It makes me question what the point In the lockdown was in the first place.
My DP ex is planning a foreign holiday in August and it fills me with dread but there’s zero I can do. It’s hard to learn to accept sometimes. You have my full sympathy op

Summer cherry - that’s an interesting angle. I’m not face to face all the time currently but will be. We have full on ppe though. Interestingly it was the children that were concerned their mum had gone away. She hasn’t text till afterwards and by that point the dad has told the kids and it was too late for him to them lie and retract it. He didn’t purposely tell them out of spite actually on reflection he may not have said anything had she had asked him not to incase they were worried.

It’s hard with kids I don’t want to make them worry too much either. They’ve already said they’re teachers have said guidance and then they’ve been worried mum isn’t adhering. So it’s confusing for them.

Peachy B congratulations. Thank you for reaching out too. Sometimes even in a virtual world with strangers it can feel like a hug (I know we could all be pretending to be someone else but sometimes no one to to rant to). Lovely news with you and be reassured most children have excellent immunity. Big hugs your way too.

Oh pants - auto text correction.

Their teachers... I’m not even going to correct it. Just know some of the incorrect grammar above was my phone...

I guess I’m trying to say that without scaring the children to death...

It is fine for YOU to draw some kind of line - risk wise - and to explain this to everyone. Whether people adhere to it - well I guess if there is anything within your control like changing the times the kids come - then I would not hold back and just bit my tongue.

That’s good advice, thanks Summer. My approach has been quite passive and In someways in efforts to avoid war I’ve placed this over what I believe to be the right thing. I think a good chat with the kids is an idea but perhaps using something online already out there. I don’t think she will listen unfortunately when thinking of past behaviours but I could keep the kids with us when isolating. Working is harder with more children at home. I can’t ask them not to come - my husband would never allow that because he misses them so much.

Going back to two dots - thinking of you last night - as you can see I analyse things. I would actually be really upset too if I had arranged to see my parents (I’m really close to them) and then had to cancel at the last minute because of potential exposure. I appreciate the others (biological mum and step child) may not have realised your intentions but it still would be upsetting. I really miss my mum and dad.

We walked yesterday and interesting generally people over 60 are like us and continue to step aside. I would say younger folk 30 years and younger are not caring at all, we had to jump out the way.

Summer - thank you by the way. Your post really made me think. Despite others disagreeing. I know of those who have died from coronavirus (not close to me I admit) but through work and friends. It’s not a joke. I appreciate we don’t need to live in absolute fear but being careful is important.

You really don't need to be jumping out of the way of people in the street.

You do if they are walking or cycling right next to you. You need to keep a metre away.

I hear you OP, we've now had to separate our step daughter and step son between houses because step son is shielding, older step daughter has been partying and definitely not distancing.

And it's rubbish, it's annoying to have to change plans to work around others not caring enough to do their bit so I totally understand your frustration.

What do you think the chances are of you contracting CV from someone briefly passing you outside?

She's probably concerned that you and your DH are going to work in the NHS and bringing the virus into your home and risking her kids.

Try looking at what you're doing through her eyes, instead of only seeing your own point of view

saraclara Are you serious? I’ve been out it’s been with full ppe and Not seen Covid patients if she wanted me to isolate I’m happy to. We actually said after last hospital visit that if she wanted to we could delay a week and then have them for longer - she didn’t want that to happen as had planned to go to her boyfriends!

Yes lots the truth what planet are you on? The government has said to keep 1 m a way and use common sense. If you have some j in bettering data on Covid spreading that the government and nhs are unaware of please do share!

Dolly Parton I’m sorry this has affected you too. I think teenagers find it harder to understand the risks - At the same time at least they have the intelligence to know to isolate, I think risk is harder for them to understand, maybe because that’s affected by hormones? Not sure but still a challenge. Hope you’re all well and safe.

When do people get closer to you than 1 metre so much that you'd have to "jump out the way"?

This is ever such a polite thread I will probably be told I'm attacking again but I think you're being totally dramatic.

It seems like what you want is for your step kids and their mother to stay away from everyone and for you to be able to visit who you like, go to work etc. Because of course you are doing it all so properly and safely. What do you think she's doing... licking her friends faces and sharing cups of saliva?

The government don't know much at all about the virus and what they do know they feed to us selectively then change their minds when it suits.

And you don't know what precautions their mum is taking. I think just assume she's doing her best like we all are and that she's bright enough time have carried out her own risk assessments.

I do get the frustration - my step kids mum was a massive twat and I had no say whatsoever in the things she did but were talkin much bigger things than this though despite that you have to just nite your tongue and accept it. Well, I actually didn't and left thank god.

Op
I think you just have to let it go
I remember you from the diet threads (thought you worked from home?) and you have fair bit of stress atm if I recall correctly

Lockdown enormously easing
Numbers plummeted
No widespread spike despite the easing

I would just accept and not add another thing to stress about if I were you