Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP criticises everyone who disagrees with her for the fun of it. She's bored in lockdown, posting for hours and hours whilst 'working from home', and wants a squabble. That's the long and the short of it.

I'm signing off now to collect foster kids from school but to the responsible parents and step parents and aunties/uncles/grandparent/neighbours/teachers who do the most for all the children in their lives that they possibly can, well done and thank you.

He may not have a legal obligation to support his child, but he has a moral one. Supporting his child should be the absolute last bill that goes unpaid. Has he tried picking up part-time work, doing deliveries, whatever it takes to actually meet his responsibilities?

The op has said if he does that they will have no childcare for her to work from home etc so will be worse off

@Guzel

Whereas you think that anyone who disagrees with you is morally repugnant.

We have never had any social care interventions in DDs life, so just fuck if with your wild, unfounded allegations.

I understand foster caring is quite lucrative these days .

@Guzel no thank you for doing a selfless wonderful job giving care to children who need it so much. Must be so rewarding but heartbreaking at the same time ❤️

If he is not getting some job l, any job, so he can care for your shared child, then yes, you should be paying his maintenance in full. He has obligations that preclude him from being a sahp.

@scotsllb

Nope I said I would provide childcare for DD as I am working from home.

The person that would have the issue is DPs ex, as she would have to pay for DSDs childcare on her days.

Oh @TazSyd I would just stop now. You really are showing what a nasty spiteful individual you are yet again.
It IS morally repugnant to pay £7 a week for your child. End of.

Just because your situation isn't involving a complete deadbeat who is on the dole and can't be arsed to get a job and only pays £7 doesn't mean many many others are in that situation.
Many many kids go without because the nrp refuses to pay, I did as a child. My kids do too.

And just to add you've done it again @TazSyd
No one ever ever suggested you had social work intervention nor did the previous poster make allegations against you.
The difference between the general state of play and your personal situation.......

nasty spiteful individual you are

Nasty and spiteful because I think that both parents who chose to have a child should be 50/50 responsible. Whether or not that’s a mix of caring and money. Nasty and spiteful because I think you are wrong to absolve the mother of any responsibility at all and put it all on to the father?

@scotsllb To be fair it's hardly unreasonable for OP to keep drawing the conversation back to her, this is her thread. I've been wondering for a while why the two of you keep saying you agree with the OP and then continuing to argue for the sake of arguing. It's becoming clear that it's because you see this as a general conversation about deadbeat parents, and OP was just asking for advice about her own situation. If you want to discuss other scenarios why don't you start your own thread, rather than keep telling OP she should stop commenting on her own thread?

Easier for people to say who have not taken in a toddler who is emaciated with hunger, or twelve with head lice and unable to read

And this was as a direct result of unpaid maintenance was it??

It IS morally repugnant to pay £7 a week for your child. End of

How much should he be paying if he’s not working?

And so the other question is, why didn't he fight for the 50/50 when they separated? Why don't all those men who are so keen to be so involved and see that they shouldn't have to pay more go for 50/50 in court?

Because it costs an awful lot of money and they don't often get awarded it.

I have little respect for dad who suddenly expect the rp to agree to 50/50 because it suits their new life

No sweetheart. It enables him to continue supporting his child as he can't do that financially right now. Tell me what's wrong with that?

@Purpleartichoke

He may not have a legal obligation to support his child, but he has a moral one. Supporting his child should be the absolute last bill that goes unpaid. Has he tried picking up part-time work, doing deliveries, whatever it takes to actually meet his responsibilities?

Op has explained several times that this would leave his child and his ex worse off.

This thread has just confirmed to me that women still think men are only parents where money is concerned. Sigh.

The op has continuously made references to situations outside her own as her idea of women's tax.
I have never said the mother is absolved far from it.
If you read back you will clearly see this.
I have continued to respond as I have been trying to get my point of view across.
I have already agreed with the op choices of what to do even though personally it wouldn't be my choice but I understand why.

It seems to me that some posters aren't taking the OP's DP's ex partner's views into consideration here.

Perhaps she is happy that she has been paid more than she was legally entitled to. Perhaps she is happy that the father took their daughter for more hours so that she could continue to work while schools are closed. Perhaps she is happy that the OP and the father are taking good care of the child when she is with them. Perhaps she realises that, whilst not ideal, her ex has now lost his job, the current situation can't continue and he has involved her in working towards a solution.

To try and conflate this situation with the situation of children who are taken into care is ridiculous. There is no indication that the OP's DSD is at risk of neglect. In fact it's the opposite, all three parties seem to be working together to make sure that the child remains well looked after.

Again none suggested otherwise, the comments on care etc where made in a broader sense.
Other posters have been generalising in the thread too and it's been clear what was meant etc.
No one except the posters up thread have disagreed with the OP apart from her general views towards single parents etc and women who have children before being financially secure etc

the comments on care etc where made in a broader sense

They were wholly irrelevant and actually verging on offensive imo. This thread is about maintenance, not child neglect.

Child neglect is awful, horrific, shouldn't happen. What that poster described had sweet fa to do with non payment of maintenance.

Non payment of maintenance or correct support from the other parent can lead to neglect though.
An absent parent leaving everything to one parent who struggling with poverty etc and breakdown with lack of support or respite etc
Again part of the general conversation and was never aimed at the op situation that was clear

Non payment of maintenance or correct support from the other parent can lead to neglect though
Really? Because if I stopped getting maintenance and then decided to start neglecting my child im fairly certain that would be my fault.

An absent parent leaving everything to one parent who struggling with poverty etc and breakdown with lack of support or respite etc

This is why benefits don't take maintenance into account. There is support for single parents. I won't defend parents who cba with their kids but this isn't what's happening here.

Again part of the general conversation and was never aimed at the op situation that was clear

I don't think it was clear actually.

It absolutely would be the fault of the resident parent but contributory factors are always there.
The nrp has a responsibility to protect their child from abuse or neglect.
All this stuff goes without saying.
Support for single parents is pretty rubbish but hey ho that's an opinion again.
Why the arguing over stuff that the majority of people accept? And yes it was clear

I think the main thing people are frustrated about is that now the op’s dp has been made redundant some people are only bothered about the ex. Only bothered about the first children. How they’re going to cope

Ermmm....maybe because in the OP's case, the other parent is single? So the impact of losing the income is particulary acute because single adults with children struggle to have quite the same choices as non-single adults (without or without children). So a clear case in point might be the OP's partner could work shifts, early mornings, late nights knowing his partner would be looking after one of his children and his other child would be cared for by his ex. A single person with a child would have to find over night childcare or very early/late childcare all of which is pretty much non-existent to be able to do the same. A couple who lose an income have, on the face of it, more opportunities to make up the lost income. Of course, much can depend on the work of the other person, things like having caring responsibilities for an aged parent or a child with disabilities, but there is no doubt that two people trying to find a solution to a financial problem are, for the most part, going to find it easier than one because the juggling involved is easier if there is someone else standing there trying to catch all the bloody balls too.

Because there is clear expectation that the ex in the OP's case is expected to just fit in with whatever arrangements the OP comes up with? It hasn't been reported as 'look, all 3 of us need to deal with this' but rather 'here are our solutions, which one do you want to take?'

And there is much pretence here that taking the child for half the time is the solution. I don't know the ex's financial obligations or the conditions of childcare etc. but for many, having the child for a short period of unemployment won't help because they'll simply have to keep pay for the childcare to keep the space open. Fab for the child to get more time with the other parent. But does fuck all for the finances.

It's like a bloody echo chamber in here.

It absolutely would be the fault of the resident parent but contributory factors are always there

They are but to say non payment of maintenance causes actual physical neglect is ridiculous.

The nrp has a responsibility to protect their child from abuse or neglect

They do but that's very hard when you're not present in their other household and vice versa. Paying maintenance doesn't simply ensure your child isn't neglected by their other parent.

Why the arguing over stuff that the majority of people accept? And yes it was clear

I'm just telling you why I disagree. I'm not sure the majority of people accept the shit that's been put on this thread tbh.

It wasn't clear to me, and clearly not to op either.