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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

When the visiting step kids come to the home are they allowed to play with the toys of the step siblings

52 replies

Lardlizard · 29/05/2020 17:11

If that step sibling isn’t there

Say in the case of two people that have set up home and both have children form a previous relationship

So say the dad only sees his biological child once a fortnight
But sees his step kids more often

Should be allow those step kids to allowed play with his child’s toys

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dontdisturbmenow · 30/05/2020 09:00

So what toys and what age? Without this info, impossible to say if it's ok or not.

SandyY2K · 30/05/2020 09:24

I think it's best for the visiting DC to bring their own toys with them. I can imagine that if they accidentally break the toy it will cause a lot if problems.

It also depends on how well the DC get on with each other and whether they are happy for the stepsibling to play with their toys.

The type of toy and ages of the kids is also a factor.

timeisnotaline · 30/05/2020 09:38

Some must be shared. I can’t contemplate a scenario where it’s ok for a child to say I share nothing. There needs to be a toy area which is all shared and then separate shelves.
But if one parent doesn’t have the money to provide any toys and the other does it’s very difficult. I couldn’t live in a house with lovely toys my children couldn’t play with when they didn’t have any of their own, better they have no toys in a home with no toys.

lyralalala · 30/05/2020 18:53

So none of the children live there full time? Is it all of the toys or just some of them?

My kids all have the odd special toy that's kept in their room that doesn't need to be shared, but the likes of lego, cars and stuff is all shared.

Original poster

Lardlizard · 30/05/2020 19:29

None of them live there ft, it’s all the dads child’s toys
No shared toys, the mum does bring toys but of course when kids see other toys they want to play

OP posts:

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 30/05/2020 23:04

They can't always have what they want.

Are the son's toys not put away?

lyralalala · 30/05/2020 23:22

@Lardlizard

None of them live there ft, it’s all the dads child’s toys No shared toys, the mum does bring toys but of course when kids see other toys they want to play

Dad needs to put the toys away

What kind of toys are they? It is precious things or is it general Lego, art supplies etc?

Why are there no shared toys in a house that is shared, albeit part time, by multiple children?

PorpentiaScamander · 30/05/2020 23:29

Depends on ages of children and types of toys.
As children we (brothers and I) had board games, Lego, cars, train tracks etc that we all played with. Some of it technically belonged to a particular child, but we always shared. We also had certain toys that no one was allowed to touch.
When my mum remarried and we gained step sibs the same rules applied. Anything in the communal games cupboard was fair game. My step sister was not allowed in my room to get things I kept in there.

Seems odd that one set of children don't have any toys there though.

MintyMabel · 30/05/2020 23:31

If DD had step siblings here when she wasn't, they wouldn't have free reign to touch her stuff. There would be shared stuff but they couldn't just help themselves to her stuff.

SD1978 · 30/05/2020 23:45

As the mother of three children, why does she not have toys for the kids to play with? Did she move on to his house, and not bring any? There are clearly far bigger issues here than toys.

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/05/2020 23:49

Why is the mum with 3 kids going to her boyfriend house, why is he not going to hers?

lyralalala · 30/05/2020 23:54

@GrumpyHoonMain

Why is the mum with 3 kids going to her boyfriend house, why is he not going to hers?

The Mum and Dad live together. They are both non-resident-parents going by the OP's follow up post

Original poster

Lardlizard · 30/05/2020 23:55

The mum lives there ft
The kids visit about half the time

OP posts:

TinyPigeon · 30/05/2020 23:56

None of your threads ever make sense.

lyralalala · 31/05/2020 00:08

@Lardlizard

The mum lives there ft The kids visit about half the time

Why does Mum not have any toys for the children?

Are there any shared toys at all?

Are there any other issues with the children? Is his kid treated better than her kids?

Is there a general atmosphere of "it's my house" from him or is it just that he has a few toys for his son and he doesn't want her kids playing with them more than his kid gets too?

THisbackwithavengeance · 31/05/2020 00:10

So the kids visit their mum and are not allowed to play with the toys in the house that belong to their stepdad's child?

If they themselves have toys of equal value and desirability in the house that the other child may also not touch, then fair enough.

Also fair enough if the stepchild is much older and the toys would be ruined or broken by toddlers.

Otherwise no.

Original poster

Lardlizard · 31/05/2020 00:10

Yes the dads attitude is it’s his house, the sons toys are all Over the place and it s a small flat
The mum has a fair few issues
That’s why her kids are not with her ft

OP posts:

Jabba2020 · 31/05/2020 00:11

No, the fathers son is entitled to have toys at his dads that are just his, especially as he is only there twice a month.

The toys should be put away to avoid tempting the other children when he is not there.

Just because children want to play with everything they see doesn't mean they can.

Original poster

Lardlizard · 31/05/2020 00:11

The dads son, is a nice kid who wouldn’t mind other kids playing with his toys

OP posts:

lyralalala · 31/05/2020 00:14

It's not fair to leave the toys out, but tell the children not to touch them. Especially if they don't have toys of their own. That's just cruel. They need to be put away while the children visit.

Is the mother in an abusive relationship?

If so can you, safely, point her in the direction of Women's Aid?

GiantPinesAhem · 31/05/2020 00:56

So this sounds like (although this is possibly the most confusing thread ever) the Dad lived there with his child staying EOW. The mother moves in, and although she doesn't have residency, her kids are there roughly 50/50- yet they're not able to consider it their home and don't have their own stuff...

Original poster

Lardlizard · 31/05/2020 09:28

That’s what I think Lyra
I’m gonna now out now as it’s getting too confusing for some and it’s not my story guess I wanted to know if othersxalso thought it was wrong or ok

OP posts:

jay55 · 31/05/2020 10:28

The dad sounds like a dick and probably controls a lot more than access to his kid's toys.

SpongebobNoPants · 31/05/2020 15:32

As others have said it depends on ages, what kind of toys you’re talking about (Lego / jigsaws/ garden toys are almost always communal) and why the mother hasn’t got toys specifically for her own children?
I don’t think kids in blended families should have to share all of their toys, they share so much already just with family life and time. It is different to normal siblings and I don’t even force my own kids to share their things, it’s up to them really

Glitterbaby17 · 05/06/2020 06:32

I think it really depends on the toys and the children. Stuff like duplo, wooden trains, toy kitchen, art stuff I’d expect to be shared. More individual or special toys possibly not, but these should be packed away/in an agreed safe spot. I think it also depends on what’s age appropriate - a toddler trashing an older child’s detailed Lego model not cool - they need to be able to play appropriately without damaging and ideally ensure properly packed away.

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