When the visiting step kids come to the home are they allowed to play with the toys of the step siblings

[Lardlizard]

If that step sibling isn’t there

Say in the case of two people that have set up home and both have children form a previous relationship

So say the dad only sees his biological child once a fortnight
But sees his step kids more often

Should be allow those step kids to allowed play with his child’s toys

A lot of variables here! If they were full siblings, would they be joint toys? Our kids each have 'their' personal toys but most are shared. Also depends on the toys and the age of the kids! Garden swing? Hungry hippos? Yes. 4yo playing with 9yos tiny special dollhouse miniatures? No.

Special/new toys should be shared only if the owner allows it.

Children should have their own toys.

Some toys should be there for common use.

Think about how you would feel if someone went through your stuff and used it without asking?

Most are shared. A few are very personal and kept separate.

Trying to get my head around the scenario. Are you saying that your children come over and your partner won't let them play with his child's toys as his child isn't there? Or the reverse...
I think whether this is fair or not depends in the toy and the children involved. But I don't think that there should be an automatic free for all. I don't allow my full siblings to just help themselves to each other's stuff.

It’s a dad with one child, who he sees him once a fortnight
Who lives with a mum, who also doesn’t live with her three children, but her children visit their home more frequently and her children are not alllwoed to ply with the “stepdads” boy toys

It’s not me btw it’s a friend

The stepchildren are not blood relations

No stepchildren involved here so I appreciate it’s a different scenario. The toys in our house are nearly all shared unless they are special ones. If friends visit with their children then those children can also play with them. It’s the same for all other friends’ houses that I’ve visited.

Nope. Our house rules include

1. No one touches anyone else’s stuff without asking
2. No one goes in anyone else’s bedroom without asking

These rules apply to everyone, the DCs do not go in our room either without asking.

Communal things like art / baking items and board games which are kept downstairs are got everyone, but all toys in their individual bedrooms are for the child who owns them only.

are for* everyone

I actually think it’s very important to have these boundaries between step siblings or the children can all feel like they don’t have their own place in the home.

I’m assuming by the way that your SC has their own toys to play with at their dad’s house?

I think it's ok to have toys you don't share. But this has to apply to everyone.

Shared toys are in shared spaces

Special toys need to be put away and only shared with permission

Doesn't matter what the relationships are

All toys should be shared as long as age appropriate and the children aren't damaging them.

It depends on what the owner of the toys wants. Their toys- their choice.

All children need a space that is theirs in the home. So some communal things, but their own toys shouldn't be messed with.

None of the toys are to be shared
It’s a small flat no garden

So I’m a small flat, three kids that go there a lot, Spend half their time there, are not allowed to play with the toys that are there

Don't the mum's kids have any of their toys there?

Each child should have some toys that are their personal toys at the house, not to be used by others without getting permission every time, but there should also be communal toys/equipment. Like: poster paints and a football might be communal, but a particular teddy or a fragile ornament would be private. Different houses will draw the lines in slightly different places depending on things like budget, storage space, ages if the children and the children’s own interests.

Do they not have their own toys there?

So I’m a small flat, three kids that go there a lot, Spend half their time there, are not allowed to play with the toys that are there
Why doesn’t their mother buy them their own toys?
I don’t think they should be helping themselves to their stepbrothers things when he isn’t there, it’s not fair on him.
Your friend’s children should have their own things which belong solely to them

No and this needs to be enforced now as when they get older if they mess with each other stuff it will cause wars. Especially if it’s computer consoles games ect.

Also this boy should still be allowed his own personal things. Same as with the other three.

My dd3 is not allowed to play with dd2 (best toys) when she is not even in the room and we all live in the same house

I think it’s important to ensure kids share toys. Our boys have always shared, new toys are not sharing toys to start with but anything else they need to share just like any other situation with other kids. Just because they are kinda related doesn’t mean they shouldn’t share. I think it’s part of trying to make all the kids equal. Only thing they don’t share are iPads but they have one each for fairness but if one goes flat they know the rules, they share.

Each parent should buy toys for their own DC and some to be shared.

It’s age-dependent too though.

Step siblings who don’t live together at all is a totally different situation to bio or even half siblings. They’re not related and it’s bound to be complicated.

Sharing is an important skill but we often ask far more of children than we do if adults. I have plenty of things I don’t want other people playing with - even my children! And that’s okay.