When the visiting step kids come to the home are they allowed to play with the toys of the step siblings

[Lardlizard]

If that step sibling isn’t there

Say in the case of two people that have set up home and both have children form a previous relationship

So say the dad only sees his biological child once a fortnight
But sees his step kids more often

Should be allow those step kids to allowed play with his child’s toys

So in essence, this is the dads place and his son comes EOW and his toys are everywhere. The mothers children spend 50% of their time there and are not allowed to touch anything that belongs to the child.

My thoughts (and I think a lot of posters are similar here).

1. all children have their special toys, normally kept in their bedrooms and no one is allowed to play without permission. One example with my children is that they collect pop heads and they sit on their shelves in their bedrooms. The siblings don’t touch these and my DP’s DC know that if they want to play with something that is in their rooms - they need to ask permission. They don’t play with the pop heads. Absolutely no one has a problem with this.

2. communal / majority of toys - as long as children can play respectfully and not break things, then those toys can be played with, with zero problems.
   I have to say that at my DP’s house, my DC have very few Of their ‘toys’ there. They spend next to no time there. But at no point has my DP (or his DC) ever said that my children can not touch/ play with the toys. Ever.
   Likewise. With the exception of pop heads/ expensive lego sets, my DP’s DC have never been told that they cannot touch my DC’s toys. They even have their own toys here but will always gravitate to the toys my children have because they are older and therefore a novelty.

Tbh I think it is always important to teach children (even full siblings about boundaries and asking permission) but I wouldn’t Dream of saying to any child that they couldn’t play with my DC’s toys. And if a certain child broke things/ didn’t respect things (one of my DC’s friends was like this), then before the children come, certain toys would be packed up and put away.

If my DP said this to my children? Or I said the same to his? We wouldn’t be together.

My DC have certain things that are special to them and they do not have to share them. The same will happen to DSC when she is old enough (currently almost 4, although she does have random things she gets attached to and won't share )

In our set up, there are 2 pre teens, 1 reception child and 1 pre school step child. So quite a big age gap between the eldest two and the youngest two, and most toys that belong to the eldest aren't age appropriate for small children, eg small pieces, easily broken etc.

We have toys downstairs that are mostly aimed at the small ones, plus crafts for everyone and a random example, LEGO for the elder ones and Duplo for the smaller ones.