Fed up when my step kids come to stay at the moment

[BloodyBloodyBloodyHell]

Just wanting a rant really. I feel guilty but I just feel so fed up when DH says my step kids are coming round at the moment. They stay every weekend without fail and about 2 nights through the week that change every week (it's all random and just decided between DH and their mum when they'll stay)

Due to our working situations at the moment it means they are staying at home with me in the day whilst he works and I just hate it. All they want to do is play computer games, it takes over the whole house. It's boring and causes arguments (between them not us).

I've tried to get them to do other things, painting and crafts, baking or whatever but they aren't interested and tbh I find it tedious trying to come up with things to do when they aren't arsed anyway.

I feel like my whole day is just spent making food for them and watching them play games. I can't watch TV unless it's children's films/programmes as nothing else is really appropriate and they are in the living room all day, I can't read because they are using headsets or shouting, I can't go for a long walk without them whinging to go home.

I just hate the days they stay here when I'm in sole charge. I feel like I have absolutely no say in it. It's just X and Y are staying on X and Y nights and that's that I'm just expected to look after them no questions.

I know it's the logical solution as I'm at home. I just don't like it and feel so disappointed when he says they are staying tomorrow/tonight whatever.

There's no structure to it either so I never know what's happening from one day to the next it's just completely random every week so I never know what to expect of my week or feel able to plan my days.

Due to lockdown they are staying a lot more which is fine but it means I'm looking after them alone a lot and I feel like there's just no escape some days. There's a stint now of about 4 days where they are going to be with me all day and I'm just dreading it.

Tell DH that you will not commit to 'minding his children' until ex sends
her rota over.

I bet she is having days to herself when you get non.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I actually feel quite sad reading this post, its like noone wants the kids..
Both parents are working and due to the virus the kids are off school through no fault of their own.
Im guessing you havent said anything so they both probably think that your ok with the kids being at home with you because you havent said anything else...just moaned on here.

Maybe you should sit them both down mum and dad and explain that you dont want to watch the kids during the day and then im guessing they will have to figure something else out as they are both working.

Maybe then also have a conversation with your partner, because I thought Family kinda ment everyone and sticking together and if I thought my partner didnt want to help us out as a family due to me and my child's dad working in this situation then would I want to be in that relationship?

Im guessing it sucks for everyone and the kids are the ones that suffer

just moaned on here

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that... It's what 99% of parents are doing right now about the same thing (except it's their own kids which obviously means it's perfectly fine)

And in assuming you'd actually ask your partner before just assuming and telling? Unless you're incredibly rude as well?

It's not so much about the looking after I don't think. OP has already said multiple times she'd feel unreasonable saying no and seems to understand that it's probably the easiest option for everyone involved during this time.

However, the lack of notice and the not actually asking or appreciating would be the thing that pissed me off.

Because no it isn't fun stuck indoors all day with two gaming, arguing, bored children. Even their own parents have probably had enough of if, like parents up and down the country right now. Add to that the fact that they aren't your children, I don't blame you for not enjoying the days they are with you at the moment especially when you get absolutely no say when those days are.

If they want to ask you to help them with childcare then you should be equally involved in the planning so you at least know what your week looks like in advance. That is absolutely not too much to ask and your partner and his ex should be making sure they accommodate that by asking, appreciating and giving notice to you of any work schedule in advance.

It makes diddly squat difference that you're at home all day. They are not your children, therefore they are not your responsibility. It's great that you can and are helping, but you deserve the courtesy of being asked and included in the decision making.

Yes, please say how old they are and we can all think better.

However, it is unreasonable that you are not involved in the conversation before on these sporadic days or that there are not set days. What will they do when you go back to work?

OP has already said how old they are.

Another one who doesn't understand why they don't have school work to do.

But I totally sympathize OP. It's just a shit situation atm. Is he. Giving you space/you time at the weekends when he's there?

And I'd say relax your usual rules during the week if that helps and makes life easier for everyone

Children are irrational, time-consuming, irritating, don't respect personal boundaries...They are "energy-suckers" - they suck out your energy and leave you an empty, shattered shell of yourself with nothing left for you.

I forgive my toddler and love him anyway because (1) I think he's cute (aren't toddlers so, so sweet!), and when he says, 'Mummy, love you best, cuddle for Mummy, no cuddle for Daddy!', I feel insanely triumphant and self-satisfied; and (2) he's MINE. I am invested in him as his parent and I am not an impartial observer (maybe biological instincts at play?). Maybe others who don't have that link see him for the appalling, demanding, grubby, sticky-fingered little urchin that he is and so don't get the 'cuteness' vibe.

I can tolerate my friends' toddlers but I don't find seven and ten year olds cute. As a rule of thumb, I find them annoying, lazy and self-centred. They reject you but at the same time still seem to require quite a lot of time and mental headspace from you. They fight and argue without any of the toddler cute moments to make up for it. I hope my views will change as my son gets older and I learn to be more tolerant of that age group. I may even come to like them!

So I get where you're coming from...Parents may be able to tolerate their own children (and tbh I often fall short there when my son kicks me in the head or whines for the umpteenth time that morning). Others should not be expected to unless paid or as an occasional favour. There is a reason why parents pay out large sums of money for childcare.

7 and 10 year olds should be doing school work for at least a few hours each day. Not that this is your issue, OP - but it is one that their parents need to deal with. If their jobs are essential then they should be sending them into school. If not then they both need to organise some days off to look after their children, like the rest of us.

If I was you I’d offer to have them one set day per week, or to do school runs when they’re with you and your husband, whichever appropriate. Your husband needs to insist on a schedule agreed in advance, and take time off aside from that when the children are with him. Because this isn’t fair on you, but even more vitally it’s not good for his children, who should be getting their school work supervised, encourage fro read stories, get lots of exercise, etc.

How about telling your OH if you’re going to be looking after them all day can you be included in the conversations around when it will happen whilst there is no school? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that.

And if you’re looking after them agree some rules with your OH that will be in place. We have no technology or screens between 10am and 4pm - then there is no gaming as an option all day, but there is the option around those hours so it’s a fair balance?