Letting ex into the house

[Esky0]

This happened a while ago but it bothered me and I need to know how others would feel. Partner and I bought a house beginning of last year. I went to stay with my family for just over a week to visit them whilst partner stayed behind for work. During that time he had his children over and he invited the ex into the house so they could continue chatting. She hadn't been in the house before or the previous as far as I'm aware (which was my house) or been invited in since - probably because usually I'm here. I just feel that as soon as I'm out the picture he is happy to invite her in. Something similar had happened before too. I just felt a bit put out by it even though I know she is the mother of his children. If we all got along and were one happy clappy family I doubt I'd care. But we're not and I doubt it ever will happen now.

@TorkTorkBam in that case I don't know how to respond to you. The past is an issue and I try to move on but it's hard.

@Cloverforever his wishes usually trump mine... for this one I haven't stopped her coming in and I wouldn't. As much as he calls me a dick I'm not. I don't stop him doing anything, he does as he pleases. Noted on the counseling.

Of course he invited her in when you weren’t there, he has to try and keep some sort of adult relationship with her, she’s the mother of his children and it’s much better if they can be friendly. Each meeting where they get on is a step in the direction of an easier co parenting, which is better for every one of you. He probably didn’t tell you because he knew you’d get upset. If he’d dragged her off to bed that would be totally different, but a civil chat with the children’s mother is a good thing in my book (and I’m a stepmum with an up and down relationship with the ex wife). You sound like your own relationship is the real problem.

And I mean that last sentence kindly, not to be bitchy.

@Honeyroar I didn't take it as bitchy. It's true. I haven't stopped her coming in though and I didn't really get upset when I found out but just said I felt a bit out of sorts with it 😕

Esky0 - I repeat what I have said earlier. If you don't feel comfortable with the ex coming in the house then he should respect your wishes and your boundaries - it is your house too. If you feel out of sorts with it then you should listen to yourself and go with it.

Beware of all these women on Mumsnet who are mothers and exes themselves and generally don't respect the boundaries or rights of step-parents. They will be thinking first of their little darlings, and will generally judge the new partner of their ex, often quite unfairly (FFS questions earlier on the thread about being the 'OW'). They tend to consider their needs and the needs of their children above all else and often can't see other people's boundaries. They are happy to stigmatise or marginalize new partners because they are all part of the picture of their old relationship in their minds.

There are actually no rules in these situations, and while reasonable behaviour is absolutely needed in these situations, allowing the ex into your house isn't necessarily part of that. If there is no reason why she could come in the house, if other arrangements can be made, then they should be made.

You do have a say, and your wishes should be listened to.

Were you the OW and now he is skulking around suspiciously while living with you

Fucking hell

I don’t see any issue with that. They are over, you are with him, they were talking about the kids. I would find it rude to have a long conversation about the kids in the doorstep.