Hi Guys
Im new here, just need to vent if thats ok, its not an easy subject to discuss with family or friends! So here goes... Im 32 ive been with my partner for 9 years and he has 2 sons they have different mums! The eldest was 10 when we got together and the youngest was 4. The 10 year old was a nightmare (lived with his dad full time since he was 5) the 4 year old he was Wednesdays and every other weekend. It has never been easy moving into this little 'boy gang', i was 23 and my partner was 36, so we had an age gap but our relationship was great, i respected he had 2 boys & even though mutual friends warned me off as the eldest was a nightmare i didnt take the advice! It was up and down for years, i always felt like an outcast deep down, walked on egg shells around his son and knew they came first but i was prepared! The eldest son was diagnosed with ADHD but his dad denied this as it seemed non existent until he didnt get his own way and his dad blamed the schools and authorities for not disciplining and not allowing him to discipline his son.
We have since had a child together our daughter who is now 4. The eldest son is now 19 and was kicked out of our house at 16 because he couldnt adhere to the basic house rules (barely any) so moved back to his mums, she kicked him out & he came back to us but was kicked out again due to drugs and we had a baby. Then back to his mums then into various homeless shelters which he abused every single one! He hasbeen arrested so many times but never really has much punishment. To be totally honest i cant stand him, he is the most selfish person ive ever know, he beats his girlfriend up, robs people, steals anything he wants isnt intrested in getting a job or sorting himself out as he gets benefits or steals so doesn't need to in his eyes! He cheated on his gf the other day and text his dad 'Just had sex it felt soooo good' (who the hell says that to their dad!!!) I know dads & sons have a different relationship to dads & daughters but thats gross)!!!
Anyway the other son ( now 13) is turning into a shit. He isnt wired up the same as his brother and was always such a lovely boy but now growing into teenager he is obviously pushing the boundaries. He came to ours on the friday after school when they announced the lockdown and has been here since!! So6 weeks now and his mum has seen him once....amazing considering she 'hates' my partner and thinks hes the worst dad in the world!!
But my issues are actually with my partner!...
*Not once has he asked me if its ok with me that his son stays this whole time.
*They both think covid 19 is a joke, (my partner is into conspiracy so everything is fake, man made, or a plan to rid Hollywood of paedophiles!!!! (Yeah tell me about it!!!!!) So im here trying to keep my daughter safe while his son makes jokes like 'mummys got coronavirus' or not washing their hands and having people come to my house or visiting people'!
*Ss has been on the ps4 for 6 weeks straight! About an hours worth or school work done because OH isnt school work minded!!!
- Ss just eats crap food & energy drinks while sitting in his room, doesn't wash...when hes forced to have a bath he puts his dirty underwear back on after.......why??????
*Ss has a seriously bad attitude, shouts at his dad all the time, swears to his friends, winds my daughter up then tells her to 'shut up' when she retaliates.
*My daughter hurt herself the other day and he thought it was funny so i lost my cool and told him he can go back to his mums, he called me an idiot, phoned his mum and told her he 'f ing hates me' etc
Im so sick of it all yet when i mention it to my partner hetreats me like im one of his kids! He takes his sons side, he shuts me down and tells me imnit picking! For instance we were walking the dog earlier today and i saw ss put his hands down his bum and scratched then sniffed his fingers, i ignored it as another one of his gross attributes but he went to touch my daughter's head with the same hand so i pulled her away and said 'no thanks, i just saw what you did' and OH jumped to his defence saying he never saw him do that (honestly he NEVER sees anything) i said i did but OH refused to believe it (again treating me like a child) why would i make that up, we were getting on just fine?? I didnt make an argument just didnt want his shit fingers on my daughter's head??? But now AGAIN were not talking!
Im absolutely sick of dealing/living with someone elses kids after 9 years its still them and me (my OH is great with our daughter, although doesnt stick up for her as much as id like when it come to her 13 year old brother picking on her).
All i want is to live a normal life with my partner seeing me as an equivalent adult and when i bring something to his attention not shut me down....i wouldnt nit pick if he dealt with it in the first place but he has never been consistent with his parenting thats why theres such a problem!!
Sorry for the long post and life story 🙈
Thanks for reading x