Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

Would you expect child maintenance?

25 replies

cookingonwine · 26/04/2020 20:05

Hello, normally child care is spilt 50/50 however the last 6 weeks a child has been solely with us. We don't receive any child benefit as it's paid to the other parent. Do you think it would be unreasonable to ask for the child benefit and some child maintenance? The subject has been raised but just ignored. What would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

notjustamother · 26/04/2020 20:35

If it's a temporary thing I probably wouldn't bother if it was going to cause arguments I guess it depends on the co parenting relationship. If you have good communication then asking for a bit of money towards food etc is probably reasonable.

strawberry2017 · 26/04/2020 20:41

I don't think I would, I think if things are working well why rock the boat going forward.

changenameusa · 26/04/2020 20:50

Unusual circumstances. That is a very long time for a child not to see the other parent (and govt guidelines were very clear that movement between separate homes for under 18s was allowed). So maintenance - definitely not.

Would you qualify under the rules for child benefit? If not, it is a bit cheeky to ask as clearly you are a (much) better off household.

If yes, then perhaps it is OK to ask for a contribution. But I would look at the bigger picture - next time you want a favour.....

Astrid84 · 26/04/2020 20:55

Legally speaking because the other parent is the 'main carer' and receives child benefit regardless of the fact child is with for a longer period than normal. No you wouldn't be entitled to ask for a portion of the benefit or maintenance. It would be nice of the other parent to offer but in doubting that would happen?

Howaboutanewname · 26/04/2020 22:47

Why is the child solely with you?

HeckyPeck · 26/04/2020 22:58

Are you still paying child maintenance & is the child expected to be with you for the foreseeable future? If so, I’d be looking at changing the child benefit and switching child maintenance. If it’s temporary I wouldn’t expect to pay child maintenance for the time I had the child on my own considering it’s an extended period of time and your costs will go up and theirs will go down.

FuckingFu · 27/04/2020 11:22

I probably wouldn't expect any (although it would be nice to offer if they can afford it), but I also wouldn't be paying any to the other parent if you usually do.

rwalker · 27/04/2020 11:31

So they get full CB you have 50/50 so really It's 50% of it they would owe you TBH is it worth it for £60 depends on your circumstances if you are living hand to mouth then yes otherwise I'd leave it

funinthesun19 · 27/04/2020 12:19

(although it would be nice to offer if they can afford it)

If they can afford it? I don’t think maintenance is an optional extra.
I’m pretty sure a lot nrps who pay maintenance can’t afford the amount of maintenance they are paying but they still have to.
But when it’s the parent who is usually the rp and is now temporarily the nrp, they only have to pay if they can afford it? Double standards really isn’t it?

Op, from a moral perspective, the ex should be paying maintenance for their child if the child is in your household more than theirs. The child doesn’t stop eating and growing during lockdown.
But legally there really isn’t anything that can be done. They’re classed as the rp on paper so it will impossible to get maintenance out of them.

SpudsAreLife84 · 27/04/2020 12:32

Why are they staying solely with you, and how long for? I think this is important in deciding whether financial arrangements should change.

FuckingFu · 27/04/2020 12:33

These are difficult times though Fun. I'd say the same to a NRP re reducing maintenance if they had been furloughed, having kids extra during lockdown for example (which I have on another thread this morning).

If OPs household is struggling then she can by all means go through CMS.

Hanab · 27/04/2020 12:41

Maybe the OP needs the extra money to feed Child? If the parent not receiving the benefit pays CMS ( is that what it is called) maybe this can be stopped ??

We don’t know why the OP is asking .. maybe it can be clarified?

funinthesun19 · 27/04/2020 13:13

If OPs household is struggling then she can by all means go through CMS.

Her dp/h won’t get anywhere with the cms if he’s usually the nrp. She would need to offer the money herself.

funinthesun19 · 27/04/2020 13:13

I mean the ex would need offer the money.

BlueGheko · 27/04/2020 13:20

I’m pretty sure a lot nrps who pay maintenance can’t afford the amount of maintenance they are paying but they still have to.

Yes, that must be why unpaid maintenance in the UK currently stands at 3.8 billion

Lostmyshityear9 · 27/04/2020 13:55

If they can afford it? I don’t think maintenance is an optional extra

Quite. And yet as PP said, the rates of payment of maintenance are very low. Last statistic I saw on it was around 38% of maintenance that should be paid is actually paid. But..whatever.

I would suggest that many PWC may well have been left with paying for childcare and activities that aren't going ahead at the moment so they can keep the spaces open. PWC also as likely as anyone else to have been furloughed or made redundant. The only real reduction in costs relates to food at the current time.

And of course, we don't know why the child has been kept with their father. Whether mum is frontline working and a sensible decision was made between parents, or if NRP saw an opportunity and took it or the PWC saw an opportunity and took it, or someone in PWC's household is high risk etc. etc. etc. The reason the child is with dad all the time at the moment may well have bearing on whether maintenance or not should be paid morally. Legally is a whole different ball game.

okiedokieme · 27/04/2020 14:01

Depends on the circumstances of the other parent, and circumstances as to why child benefit isn't split.

NowSissyThatWalk · 27/04/2020 15:50

Following with interest OP as we were having the kids 50/50 but they've now said they don't want to go back to their mum's, and saying they want to live here permanently.
If you can prove the kids are with you for 50/50 shared parenting then no parent pays. Because, you know, why would they?
DH has spoken to ExW as we are on the bones of our arse if we pay the CMS and have four children here to feed etc. It's been agreed he won't pay this month as they've been with us the whole time.
That money is for the children.
You have the children, the other parent doesn't.
Anything you pay to the other parent will therefore not go towards the kids upkeep. As they are not 'upkeeping' them. You are.

How much is it and why are they now staying with you?

funinthesun19 · 27/04/2020 16:10

I would suggest that many PWC may well have been left with paying for childcare and activities that aren't going ahead at the moment so they can keep the spaces open.

Nope. I’m paying £100 less on activities now than I was.

PWC also as likely as anyone else to have been furloughed or made redundant. The only real reduction in costs relates to food at the current time.

The food cost has shot up for me

Yes, that must be why unpaid maintenance in the UK currently stands at 3.8 billion

I wasn’t on about the ones that don’t pay was I? I was on about the ones that do pay it but they “can’t really afford it”. The ex in this situation might not really be able to afford it but the right thing would be to pay it wouldn’t it? If she doesn’t, then you can count that towards your figure of 3.8 billion unpaid because it’s her children she won’t be proving for. 👍🏼

funinthesun19 · 27/04/2020 16:10

*providing

bogoffmda · 28/04/2020 12:52

Am not sure that many nrps can not afford £10 per week to contribute toward the up keep of their children.

Current situation is very different but the govt maintenance payments are not generous. My next door neighbour is allegedly entitled to £100 pcm for her three children. Her Ex has a new car and the latest i phone, new X box according tot he kids, they have the old one and 2 laptops! Affording in normal times sometimes means we do not get all the luxuries we want - consequnece of having children.

Lostmyshityear9 · 28/04/2020 13:28

Nope. I’m paying £100 less on activities now than I was

Sorry, I forget if that's the case for you, it must be the case for everyone. Well documented on this website that childcare providers have demanded payment

HollowTalk · 28/04/2020 13:33

When my children were younger, if my ex took them away for a week then I would give him 1/4 of his monthly maintenance for their spending money. He was never very happy but couldn't really say, "That's not much!" as that's what I had the other 51 weeks of the year.

funinthesun19 · 28/04/2020 13:41

Sorry, I forget if that's the case for you, it must be the case for everyone. Well documented on this website that childcare providers have demanded payment

I was just pointing out the amazing shocking fact that not all rp will be paying for these things. People will dig for excuses for the rp not to hand money over when the children are staying with the nrp. The latest excuse is that they may still be paying for clubs. What about the money they would have spent on their children in their own food shop? Why can’t that money be sent to the other parent?

NowSissyThatWalk · 28/04/2020 15:30

@funinthesun19 exactly.
People literally falling over themselves to keep money away from the children.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.