Morning. I'm just looking for a bit of advice really. I gave birth 3 weeks ago by emergency c-section and this is my first baby. I live with my partner who I've been with for 3 years, and he has 2 children (9 and 5) from his previous relationship.
To cut a long story short, for the first year I was with him, he used to have 50/50 custody of the kids until his ex changed this because she wanted child maitnance money and the only way for her to get that was to reduce the time he spent with them, so she put him down to 3 nights a week.(long story).
For the past 2 years after this, this arrangement has never stayed in place. We'll either have them 50/50 still, or if the ex wife is having a bitch about something and goes in a strop she will reduce the hours again. Finally before this lockdown started, we got something stable put in place for the kids, and my partner and his ex agreed they'd stay with us 2/3 nights a week on set days and she still gets her maitnance.
This was working great for everyone including the kids as they knew where they were each week. However, since this lockdown, my partners work has closed and the ex wife's work has closed and we're now having the kids every other day.
I'm really struggling. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted and emotional, obviously being a first time mum and recovering from a c-section. Last year, the ex wife had cosmetic surgery and she asked us to have the kids for 12 days so she could recover. So we did. I was knocked out for my c section and spent one night in hospital and came home the next day and literally couldn't walk without being in agony and I was given 4 days to recover before she came and dropped the kids off. 4 days.
And then every other day since then they've came. I've literally burst into tears every time they've been here 1)because they won't leave the baby alone, constantly in her face, touching her, trying to kiss her face (which I'm already freaking out about because of the virus) 2)because of the constant noise. They'll put the TV on then blast YouTube and games on thier tablets or if they attempt to play with each other it ends in a screaming row where theyll slap and nip and bite each other and 3)because they will just not listen.
I understand the kids have been taken out of thier routine what with the schools being closed. They miss their friends, they're bored and I know it's hard on them, we've tried doing school work, entertaining them with arts and crafts but we're like zombies at the minute as the baby wakes 3 times through the night for feeds and burps and we're getting no sleep.
My partners always been terrified to upset his ex, so he won't reduce the hours they spend here (that's his choice I have no say in it) but I don't think he's understanding how much I'm struggling. I cry all the time. It's coming to the point I dread it when they come. The little one is so cheeky and she deliberatly tries to wind me up when I ask her not to do something, she will continue to do it and smirk at me and I've got no patience left at the minute.
Under normal circumstances I'd take the baby and go stay with my mum for a day or 2 so he can spend some quality time with the other 2 and concentrate on them, but I can't as she's a key worker working on the front line. I feel trapped with no escape. I've tried to explain how I feel to my partner but he seems more interested in keeping his ex's face straight rather than giving me a few more days to recover physically and mentally. I just want some quiet for the baby. I don't want to get stressed as the baby will pick up on my stress vibes. Is it totally unreasonable to ask him to go down to 2 to 3 nights again? I know what his ex is like and even when this lockdown is lifted she will expect him to continue to have them every other day whilst still demanding child maitnance and we are flat out broke atm too.