Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I hate it when my step children stay

59 replies

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:30

Because all they do is play games 😞 I feel like half of my life is spent watching them play games on their Xbox in the living room.

We try and get out as much as we can for walks etc.. (prior to lockdown!) but all they do is moan that they want to go home.

Now we're stuck in the house, it's constant. We've tried to do a few crafty things but it lasts about two minutes.

I hate it, I honestly feel like I could scream if I have to watch another 5 minutes of Fortnite. My husband just likes 'being with' them so will just sit in the living room and watch. I'm expected to do the same, he will get moody if I say I'm going doing something else in the house, like watching TV upstairs, reading a book in our room. I should want to spend time with them, which I do, but not just sitting watching a game, they don't even care if we are there or not and I feel like if DH wants to let them do that all day then I'm going to take myself off and do something else although it does get annoying having to sit in your bedroom all day because they've taken over the whole of downstairs talking and shouting on their headsets.

Before lockdown I would go out and see family or something but obviously I can't do that now and I am just so fucking bored when they are here.

It's not about the kids personally, I do like them and care about them but I hate watching gaming all day it drives me mental, it's all they do here and at their mums.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Onceuponatimethen · 12/04/2020 11:31

How old are they? Are there any rules or lints around screens at all?

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:34

9 and 11.

No there doesn't seem to be any rules or limits really. Occasionally DH will say that's enough now and we'll watch a film but it's rare. And even if he says we're watching the TV now, they will switch to another screen and still be shouting and talking to friends on their headsets so it's just no use. He doesn't want to ask them to do it in their room because he wants to spend time with them. I don't really think it counts as spending time with them personally but 🤷

OP posts:

TheThingWithFeathers · 12/04/2020 11:34

How old are the kids? Your husband needs to actually parent them: put limits on screen time and engage them in alternatives. And no way should you be expected to sit and watch them all the time. Keep doing your own thing, frankly if he gets moody about that then he's an arse.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:36

It also means that even though me and H have use of the TV, it really limits what we can watch as they are still in the room.

So say if I want to catch up on a programme I've been watching, I'll say I'm going to do so upstairs but he'll moan that we should be spending time with the kids so he'll say, we're watching the TV now so they'll switch to their laptops instead and we'll have to sit watching a kids film or something.

I just feel like I have no space at all in my own house sometimes because I get shit if I want to go and do my own thing and I want to pull my fucking eyes out if I sit in the same room watching games all day.

OP posts:

Onceuponatimethen · 12/04/2020 11:37

How many times a week do they come and for how long?

Mintjulia · 12/04/2020 11:38

So go out without them. Hair, nails, shopping, lunch with a friend, massage, swim, gym, go for a run.

After cv obviously.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:38

They are with us 3 nights one week, 4 the next so 50/50.

OP posts:

Onceuponatimethen · 12/04/2020 11:39

I’m not a step mum but my oldest is similar age to your youngest step dc and having screen rules is the answer here.

I think dp also needs to understand your limits around sitting and watching. Without being rude kids would probably also prefer some alone time with their dad without you

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:39

Well yes Mint, but I can't do that right now. I said in my OP, I usually go out.

OP posts:

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:40

And if I do go out all the time I get accused of not wanting to spend time with them.

OP posts:

Onceuponatimethen · 12/04/2020 11:40

As it’s 50:50 I really think if the majority of time is spent on screens then that is bad for them and you and dp. Can you chat with dp and suggest a timer is put on the devices and WiFi just gets switched off at certain times? We have no screens except in one two hour slot per day and kids know exactly when that is

Skippii · 12/04/2020 11:41

Are you planning on having children with him? How will the rules work then?

Pipandmum · 12/04/2020 11:41

My step kids were tv addicts when I married their father. When they stayed over we went out for Sunday lunch at a pub but I used to worry about how much they just hung around watching tv (no screens at this time). But as they got into their teens they were then out mist of the time (one had no ed in at this stage).
However, I was never expected to sit with them. What is the point of that? You need to have a talk with your husband - if he just wants to sit there fine, but you are not wasting your time.

NOTANUM · 12/04/2020 11:41

Okay, so the issue isn't your stepkids, it your DH. He clearly struggles with discipline if they have no limits and can have screens whenever they want. There is no way I'd sit in any room for hours and watch computer games

Can they access their normal clubs and activities while at your house? I'd be willing to drive distances so that they're doing activities rather than stuck indoors.
If that's not possible, I'd create something for your family, e.g. wall climbing or join a fitness club/pool. The former can be done quite cheaply at local leisure centres. Or walk to a country pub, let them by magazines at a shop and walk home again to read them. You might not get any gratitude so let them moan! Mine do at first but then settle into it a bit, especially when they know there's no screen time until 6pm (or whatever).

Finally are they getting all their homework done? This will increasingly become more important.

CallmeAngelina · 12/04/2020 11:41

You need to have strong words with your dh then, about his attitude if you choose to leave the room then. Out-strop him.
He's got a nerve trying to dictate to you how you spend your time, when he and his kids are being so antisocial.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:42

I've suggested this before and DH and his ex had a conversation, agreed and said they would start putting limits on it. But that stopped after about a week and it was back to being pretty much constant.

I just feel like throwing my hands up now and saying well if their parents aren't arsed then I'll just do my own thing. But obviously that's hard now we are stuck in!

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 12/04/2020 11:43

God how tedious! Why on earth does your DH want you to sit and watch them play video games?

Screen time limits are absolutely needed.

CallmeAngelina · 12/04/2020 11:43

"Accused of not wanting to spend time with them."
Yep. Tell them that you would love to spend quality time with them but you WILL NOT do that whilst the x box is on. If he agrees to limit their time and switch it off, THEN you'll discuss how to spend your time.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:44

It's horrible because I just find myself sitting there thinking right just get through these 3/4 days and I can get my house back.

OP posts:

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 12/04/2020 11:44

My stepkids are the same but thankfully they game in their own rooms on devices. Put your foot down with your husband and spend your time how you want to spend it. No way would I sit for hours on end watching someone gaming, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. He's selfish to expect you to do that. Stand up to him.

CallmeAngelina · 12/04/2020 11:45

It sounds as if you're being very passive here. Whose house is this? I would not be letting anyone, least of all a 9 and 11 year old, dictate how things run in my house.

aladyofinderterminateage · 12/04/2020 11:46

Your dh sounds like a really inadequate parent. At least you know that now. This won't get better, so I guess you will have some thinking to do about the future.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:48

My stepkids are the same but thankfully they game in their own rooms on devices

We actually did get them a TV and console for their room so they could do this but DH just says he feels bad sending them to their room to do it because we should be 'spending time with them'.

I think well you either spend time with them then or, if you want to let them play games all day, they do it upstairs where they aren't disturbing the rest of the house all day.

The amount of times I've been sat in my bedroom trying to watch a film on my phone and thought what the fuck am I doing. But I feel like I can't say anything.

OP posts:

LittleLittleLittle · 12/04/2020 11:48

Tell your husband he is being unreasonable as they are not babies or small children so don't need an adult's constant supervision. They should be trusted enough and need some time to do their own thing in their home with their dad without either of you constantly standing over them.

When they aren't playing video games they need him to interact with them properly e.g. play board games otherwise they won't bother visiting him when they are older.

Original poster

HulaHulaHulaa · 12/04/2020 11:51

It was definitely an issue before but I just used to make my excuses to go out and see people however now, I can't really do that obviously.

And I know there's only so much you can do when you're stuck in and so screens probably are being used a bit more than usual in a lot of houses right now but I just wish that we could break it up a little, spend a bit of time in their rooms doing it, spend some time doing something else with us, watching a film, doing crafts or whatever.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3