I hate it when my step children stay

[HulaHulaHulaa]

Because all they do is play games 😞 I feel like half of my life is spent watching them play games on their Xbox in the living room.

We try and get out as much as we can for walks etc.. (prior to lockdown!) but all they do is moan that they want to go home.

Now we're stuck in the house, it's constant. We've tried to do a few crafty things but it lasts about two minutes.

I hate it, I honestly feel like I could scream if I have to watch another 5 minutes of Fortnite. My husband just likes 'being with' them so will just sit in the living room and watch. I'm expected to do the same, he will get moody if I say I'm going doing something else in the house, like watching TV upstairs, reading a book in our room. I should want to spend time with them, which I do, but not just sitting watching a game, they don't even care if we are there or not and I feel like if DH wants to let them do that all day then I'm going to take myself off and do something else although it does get annoying having to sit in your bedroom all day because they've taken over the whole of downstairs talking and shouting on their headsets.

Before lockdown I would go out and see family or something but obviously I can't do that now and I am just so fucking bored when they are here.

It's not about the kids personally, I do like them and care about them but I hate watching gaming all day it drives me mental, it's all they do here and at their mums.

I just honestly can't wait for them to go home. And that makes me feel horrible.

He thinks asking them to play in their room for a bit is like some massive rejection or something. Because they do prefer to be downstairs (bigger room, bigger TV etc...) But surely that's just part of life, there are other people in the house and so if you want to be loud, play games etc... Then you do it in your room (at least some of the time).

You need to put your foot down- my OH does not spend quality time with my kids and I would never force him to or guilt him into it (not that I could!)- they aren't his kids! Your OH's expectations are ridiculous. I wouldn't even sit and watch my own kids gaming, how utterly boring.

You need to have a serious chat with your OH, it's your home too.

Its 50/50 so they live with you, there definitely needs to be restrictions. Why can they be limited to 2 hours a day gaming in their rooms. It really isn't on allowing them to monopolise the living room for 50% of the time, it's your home too. Your DH has a strange idea of 'spending time' with them.

I have two teen sons, we set limits on gaming. We had 2 no tech days when they were in primary school on 2 school days. But relaxed that a bit for holidays.

If they ever moaned about coming off then they just lost part of their next gaming time. They learned fast.

I know it is difficult because we are in lockdown but do you have anything you could do as a family? We do co-op board games where you all work together rather than one winner. Forbidden Island is great for that and would work with their ages. Learn to play some card games. There are websites that give you pictionary drawing ideas, you don't need the game, just play for fun on some paper, again no winner, just guessing. Each person draws 5 things.

Anything you could watch together as a family? There are so many films, tv series stuff on Netflix, Amazon Prime, ITV, Iplayer.

Even as a close family we don't spend every waking minute together. So schedule some time where they are in their rooms, watching something on their tv. Their Dad can choose to be with them then if he wants.

Thanks. I do totally agree about having limits but I feel like if neither parent will enforce it, what can I do?

I can say it till I'm blue in the face but if neither mum or dad will do anything and stick to it, then really, there's nothing I can do.

I've said before to DH, I can't watch anymore of this and he's said right we'll put a film on or whatever but again, it's just watching kids films over and over whilst they aren't even paying attention.

I just have no time or space when they are here.

Get online and order some noise cancelling headphones.
Your scenario is very familiar to me. You have my sympathies.
Their df just wants the easy life, least resistance, being the df they want him to be.
Watching other people play games is mind numbing and so boring. I couldn't count how many times I've thought, if I start screaming now I may not stop.
You can only make the best of a bad situation. You have the whole of the rest of the house and hopefully some outdoor space too. Can you get your trainers on and go for a mind clearing brisk walk? That might take an hour. If he takes them out for a walk later, that is another hour.
Have you got a cupboard or shed or garage to clear out? Nobody will bother you, they will be too scared you'll want them pitching in.
You are a step-parent, in lock down, on a sunny day, with a passive dh.

Grim.
Grab some snacks and get yourself away from them all. When dh says, "Whats for dinner?" Just smile brightly and say, "I'm cool with whatever you are cooking for the kids."

The main problem is your DH expectations and idealism of 'perfect' family time.

My DS is obsessed with his PC and is in his room most off the time - it's hard and we have tried to limit screen time, placed rules etc.. All work for while but then go out the window.

Could you have a discussion with your DH and suggest a solution that the PCs etc go back in the step kids room on the condition that the stepkids interact with you both at say meal times and make that special. Plus may introduce movie night. You're time is important too. Plus I also think your step kids don't really care who's in the room as long as they are playing their game.

At the moment is you who being dsiplined by your DH and not the step kids - which is draft and needs to change.

Your husband is a fuckin deadbeat, how embarrassing. How can you fancy such a failure of a father, who uses his anger to make you sit and watch him failing to parent, and tantrums to get his own way? Seriously, ffs.

This is not good
The kids are ruling the roost
Send them up to their rooms to game ,claim your house back
Run things how you want them done
Kids are only a problem because their dad is allowing it

You don't have a step kids problem. You have a husband problem.

I couldn't bear what you are describing. And it would push me to leaving my husband, tbh.

No way should your living room be over ran for 3/4 days. However could you all play a game for couple of hours each day? Theres some really good ones then once that's done they either go on there rooms to play or watch tv together with you? Being on mobile tech is normally at that age too!

What a pile of shit this sounds. I honestly can’t believe he expects you to sit there watching them play games. If my DH said that to me I’d hollow laugh and walk off. As a PP said, he’s doing this for the easy life. He hasn’t really got a clue how to parent and is trying to drag you down with him.

And yes to reclaiming your home - they can play their games in their rooms. Can’t stand it when kids are allowed to dictate the rules.

So he can't control his own kids and therefore takes the easier option of letting them do what they like, but he does control you, and won't let you leave the room and do your own thing?

The problem here is your DP. The kids are must being kids and him getting moody when you leave the room would really piss me off.

I couldn't continue in the marriage because of his behaviour not the kids.

If you're spending quality time with them, that's fine...but not watching them play games.

I'd make it very clear I don't want any moaning or moodiness for leaving the room and watching tv elsewhere.

Aged just 9 and 11 they desperately need enforced screen time and neither should be playing Fortnite. They are too young and even if the older one is nearly 12, it’s terrible influence for the 9yo.

Your DH needs to grow up and be a parent. Is he trying to be fun?

How ridiculous to say you have to sit in the room. Make a list of things you can all do together that don’t involve the games console and tell him to let you know when he’s ready to do any of them. Then do whatever you want to do elsewhere.

I mean, I could understand the whole "we must spend time with them and make every minute count" if he saw them every other weekend, but it's 50/50. It surely should just be home from home?

I would be removing the Xbox from the living room TV, they either play in their own room or not at all.

It's give and take, your DH wouldn't be "sending" them to their room, they would be making an active decision to go to their room and play fortnite. If that's what they want to do then leave them to it, you can't force kids to want to spend time with you. It doesn't work like that.

I bet their mum wouldn't have it and neither would I.

Your DH can go and sit in their bedroom and watch them. Then maybe have a family movie in the evening etc.

I have a 10 year old brother and he lives, shits and breathes Fortnite. He would rather scoop his own eyeballs out with a spoon that spend "quality" time with us when his Xbox is waiting for him in his room

Your h is the unreasonable one here. He should let you get on with the reading etc alone. I bet the kids won't even notice if you weren't in the room for 2 hours.

Well there's clearly an issue with them being on it too much but honestly, I couldn't live with someone who guilt tripped me for not wanting to be around their kids, especially if they're there 50% of the time. They are his kids, you should be able to not want to spend every waking moment with them and take yourself off if you want to, even for no particular reason. His expectations of you are totally unreasonable.

We actually did get them a TV and console for their room so they could do this but DH just says he feels bad sending them to their room to do it because we should be 'spending time with them'
Translation: "It will look too obvious that i'm neglecting them and playing disney dad if I let them do that - we'll only see them at mealtimes..."
So he allows it in the living room and then guilts you into sitting on the sofa so he can pretend he's interacting with them.

I'd just go off and do my own thing, join them if you're actually doing something together but otherwise leave him to parent his own children.
If he's bored sitting watching them play then he can use his brain cells and find something else to do with them.
He's a lazy git who's using you to avoid his own parenting responsibilities.

Your DH sounds like an idiot. It's not really 'spending time' with someone if all you do is watch them play a game, especially one you are not involved in and have no interest in. It's like asking them to watch you knitting, doing a jigsaw etc. If he can't be bothered to control what they do, then it seems unfair to drag you into it.

It’s okay for you to expect to be considered. It is okay to have needs and voice them. It is okay to have boundaries and enforce them. It’s okay for you to take yourself into consideration without feeling selfish, and it’s okay for you to expect the others in your family to consider you, too. Every creature on this earth takes up space and has needs, and you’re no exception.

please read this blog
stepmomming.com/okay-to-take-up-space/

Your DH isn't parenting his kids and he isn't spending time with them in any meaningful way.

Op totally feel you with this. My DH and DSD (who's now 11) have ways been into gaming wither it be Minecraft when she was younger or now fuckin fortnight.

This time last year the pair of them were obsessed with fortnight and some other shite game they would be on it religiously and I would feel bad telling them to turn it off but I would rather stick hot fuckin needles in my eyeballs than sit and watch them play it. We would have arguments coz as soon as xbox pinged on I'd fuck off upstairs. DH would say it was like i didn't want DSD there. I'd just point out I wasn't going to sit and watch them play and was happy to sit upstairs and watch whatever box set I was working my way through or if they wanted to turn it off we could have family time.

Some nights we'd all make the effort to sit and watch a film but I could always tell the 2 of them were itching to play it so if just say I was tired and sneak off to watch TV on my own in peace bed

Thankfully they have now grown out of it. And I actually still sneak off earlier than them as I think it gives them a bit of 1-2-1 time.

Defo stand your ground, tell DP watching them play bores the fuckin tits off you. Tell him that's his 1-2-1 time. Suggest one night they play and the next you watch a film. Try and reach a happy medium.

I generally just could never be arsed arguing about it... Not when I had so many box sets to watch 😂😂😂

Of course this will only last till the next shite game takes over 😳

I just feel like throwing my hands up now and saying well if their parents aren't arsed then I'll just do my own thing.

Do that OP. If their parents don’t care, then you don’t have to care either.

Your husband is being ridiculous to think watching someone kids play computer games is “spending time together”.

I think you need to stick to your guns and say you won’t be doing that & you’ll be doing your own thing. You might join them for a family film sometines if you aren’t busy doing your own thing.

You aren’t obligated to OP. The kids are visiting to spend time with him, not you.

I think once you realise you don’t have to give up control of your time to your husband you’ll be much happier. But you may have bigger issues if he uses getting in a strop to get his own way.

Ignore the strops and maybe reassess if you are happy.