Stepkids rooms' question

[cantstopstressing]

DP and I have been together for nearly a decide. He and his two kids, now agreed 16 and 14. moved in with us about 4 years ago. I live with my two DSs, 11 and 9, in my house which I owned with my ex before I met DP. DSCs moved in, taking a room each, one of which was my office. DP earns a lot less than me and contributes only a couple of £100 each month in rent (which is £2,700 in total). DSCs spend 50% of their time with us and 50% with their mum and have a room each at both houses.

My question is, given that DSD is 17 this year, how long is it reasonable to have to provide her with her own room, especially given that she has her own room at her mum's. I work from home a lot and really need my office back. I am wondering for how long the 50/50 split is tenable once kids are past 16 and have their own lives. Obviously DP will want her to keep a room for as long as possible but, given that it's my job that pays 90% of the mortgage, I really need to take back my office. Also, in London where space/rooms are a premium, it seems really excessive to have a room in both houses (mum and dad) which are only used 50 of the time. Even if I don't use the room as an office, I would like to consider using it for an au-pair for my older kids.

you will feel that ^^ resentful for the rest of your life

sorry but your DP is taking the piss. Id be moving him back out and spending 2/3 days a week with him, and if its on the kids days, fine but they share a room or have a sofa - either way should be made welcome but its your house

that would utterly piss me off too OP

I think this is the right time to tell him that you need to rent your house and find another one with an extra bedroom for you to work from home, or wait until one of the kids leave for uni and recover the bedroom to yourself when that happens.

And certainly if he can pay more, he should pay more. What incentive does he have to develop a career/increase earnings if he has his needs covered and 2 bedrooms for his kids for only a couple of hundreds of pounds a month? He is having his cake and eating it.

But if you love him so much, consider investing in a garden office if you have the space.

Just sounds like you resent him/them.

If you take in someone who has kids you’re taking in their kids too. It doesn’t sound like his job or circumstances have changed since you met and moved in together?

In terms of the room, when she moves out. Usually to go to uni, sometimes later. Attempting to kick her out sooner with no valid reason will instantly end your relationship.

Just sounds like you resent him/them. If you take in someone who has kids you’re taking in their kids too. It doesn’t sound like his job or circumstances have changed since you met and moved in together?

Frankly, I would resent it too, even I was the actual mother of the children. He needs to pull his weight.

I’m of the idea that you accept kids and dad when you blend a family but that doesn’t mean you never get any priority especially when the OP is the main/almost only breadwinner and she needs the space to do the work that feeds and keep the roof over the whole family.

She should be washing cups. All the children should be pitching in. You need house rules.

This. There might be good reasons why he doesn't have the same level of assets. However, I can't think of any good reasons why he and his kids don't do their share around the house. That's taking the piss.

I'd resent that too, and it sounds as if you will never stop resenting the situation – indeed, it could get worse if she decides to go to university in London or moves in permanently after uni because she can't afford a place of her own. But really it's about your DP – he needs to contribute more and have some understanding and sympathy for your situation. It sounds as if you do all the compromising and he refuses to budge. He is the problem, not your stepchildren.