Hello there, I'm new here, but need some advice and couldn't think who else to ask?
I'm sure a question like this will have been asked before, but I could really use an opinion on whether I'm asking too much.
My partner and I have been together six years and we both have one child each. When we met I owned a house and sold it because it wasn't big enough to accommodate us all after we got together and then used the small sale income to fund a new rented house on the proviso that we would eventually get married and buy together. He had very little when we met, lived with his Mum, didn't own a stick of furniture and had only a tiny wage.
Since then I have made a life for us despite his mental health issues, encouraged him to pursue a different career pathway that is now going terribly well and have put up with all manner of issues that have badly damaged my self-esteem.
A year after we met he asked me to marry him and I said yes. He then stopped talking about it and eventually said we needed to be more settled house-wise before we married. Another year passed and then he asked again. Same scenario, then he silently backed out again shortly before having a complete nervous breakdown.
I stayed at his side and nursed him through his illness, covered all the bills when he wasn't getting paid and earn more than he does so pay more regardless. He got better and life seemed to be getting so much better too. Then out of the blue he told me that though he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, he no longer has any intention of marrying me as he has decided that despite me wanting it so much, it is not for him.
I was devastated. But assured by him, that this did not mean he didn't want our life together, pulled up my big girl pants and got on with it.
Until today when he mentioned a will he has written (though I knew nothing about it) - he has substantial pensions and will at some point inherit from his mother - apparently making no provision for my child at all in the event of his death and leaving the majority to his son with some provision for me .
I was a little gob-smacked. When I asked him why he hadn't included my son in his will he said it wasn't up to him. That he saw no reason why he should and that he doesn't understand why I would imagine that a more traditional set-up whereby any money came to the partner left after the others death, with a trust to ensure it would be divided between the two children in the event of both our deaths, should even be a consideration.
I feel terribly sad about all this. He will not let me see the will so I do not know whether he has actually made any provision for me at all, but in the end it isn't about the money (he is long off death, I hope!) but his refusal to recognise us as a family unit, and to treat both children equally - or at least to recognise my son to some degree as I plan to his.
I feel like I have given up my own security and been kind of bamboozled out of a secure future with him as he has taken marriage out of the equation and is very cagey about getting a mortgage now. But I just can't decide whether I am being unreasonable expecting him to include my child in what he says is his will and none of my business?