Aibu ? Fed up

[Tooconfused123]

So I’m just looking for some advice here and pointing in the right direction.

I have been with my parent 3 years. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship (8), he sees her at a minimum 2 nights a week. He works shifts meaning he is in work every other weekend, so the weekend he’s if off he has her Saturday pm to Sunday pm.
We had a weekend trip planned around Christmas which involves him swapping the day he has her, which was planned in advance (6months) and he arranged to have his daughter another night to compensate. He has turned around now and said he doesn’t want to go anymore as he won’t see her over the weekend so is cancelling the trip and having her instead, this isn’t the first time he has just changed his mind and cancelled plans with me to have his daughter.

I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable here, but please don’t think this is me trying to get between them or being jealous. I am not that way at all and I wouldn’t mind if it was down to an emergency and his daughter needed him or even if we hadn’t made the arrangements before but I think to repeatedly change these things last minute is just hurtful as I go out of my way to organise these things, I make arrangements with my family and also I have spent a long time looking forward to going.
Inviting her along as out of the question, we are going with a group of adults and we will be going out to bars etc
What are your thoughts ?

I think your partner needs to realise that he needs to look after you as a partner aswell as his child. He should of reminded his ex abour this weeks ago. Iv also a dp and a dsd 6 and have been in a suituation like that before... needless to say we went on our trip. We work hard and have stress just as much as everyone bringing up children. I really have a serius talk going forward becoz it will cause resentment towards him in the future. He needs to learn there has to be a balance in a relationship for it to last.
Hope it works out for you

How does that make it any better OP?

I’m sorry but that (in my book) still doesn’t class it as an ‘emergency’. So a child misses one class, once. If your partner religiously takes her then there is absolutely no harm in telling her that ‘daddy is away, and he made these plans a long time ago so he needs to honour them.’

He sends the child a host of sensible messages. And I agree it has to be managed delicately. And if the ex says anything negative then all he has to point out is that daddy sees her all the time and this is the first time it has happened. And from time to time this may happen again.

There is absolutely no harm in gently showing a child they don’t categorically always come first.

I’d be less worried about the ex in all of this and more concerned about the power that is being given to a child. Yes I agree NRP’s have to tread exceptionally carefully. But as and when this child becomes congnisant of the power of ‘I want’, trust me you will be in a whole load more trouble.

I would sit your partner down OP for a wider conversation. There is nothing wrong with an NRP consistently putting their child first. But it is inherently selfish to have a serious long term relationship in tandem with that. All relationships need nourishing and a dance class is leagues away from an emergency.

If he more hacked off after learning about this. Not less.

He’s being completely unfair. SM and Mother here and our marriage is just as important as our children. It’s a matter of balancing needs, one will not always come above the other.

Sorry OP, I wouldn't accept this at all.

If he wants to be in a relationship then he has to put the effort in and prioritise you too. He can't just cancel plans like this, particularly when important to you and made so far in advance.

So what if SD misses her dance class for ONE WEEK? He can easily explain to her the reasons why and that he's just not able to take her this one time.

I'd be very happy that he puts her first like that, I think you just have to accept that as part of being with someone with children.

Honestly, I don't believe this. I guess like many here, you are not a step mother, but you would be happy if your ex put his children first ALL THE TIME at the expense of his other relationships.