AMIBU - WICKED STEP MOTHER!!!!

[Adele2204]

AMIBU - my 17 year old Step son is pushing me to my absolute limits, he has ben kicked out of school, kicked out fo college, lost 2 jobs, makes every excuse in the book as to why he cant work. Constantly has his mates in the house all day long which I cannot control as I am at work and so is my OH, his dad. He has stolen from us, is on drugs most weekends, sold all of his consoles, games and clothes and has now sold his phone that is still on contract. He has even squared up to me before when questioned about his drug taking. Not only that but has then had drug dealers to our door as he has got them without paying. Now I am at my wits end with him and I have told my OH to send him to his mothers but I am now coming up against it with my OH as he is saying that I am trying to get rid of his kids........ AMIBU?????????

No, no, it won’t be better for everyone involved if you leave. It will be better for YOU. I’m sure all of them will miss having someone sorting stuff and picking up the pieces of such mess.

I will not intervene with this problem and he will deal with it.

Well bollocks to that! I would absolutely be intervening with anything that affected the other children and I’d be telling my OH why. Seeing a drugs counselor or advisor you both might work? Someone practical who can inform you and also SS? They can be very direct to you and OH on the impact on younger children?

He’s burying his head in the sand.

What are you going to do if your house gets raided by the police looking drugs, or an unpaid dealer rocks up in a bad mood?
It's hard to know what to do but you have kids in the house. I would be concerned about the risks to you and the DC when drugs are involved.

I would definitely take my own DC and move out as the drugs and dealers make this an unsafe place for your child.

It would be different if your DP wanted to work with you on this as a team but as he refuses to listen to you and isn’t taking meaningful action to help his son then you’re in an impossible position and nothing will change. Time to leave to protect your child and give them better role models.

You could move out? Luckily it sounds like your OH is putting his son first, when he probably needs it the most. Most troubled teenagers come through this relatively unscathed. You don’t have to stay though, just don’t be a cunt and expect his dad to send him to his mum’s.

Your partner saying "you will not intervene" and "you have no emotions" is completely out of line. I understand him not wanting to send the boy to his mums but his reaction to you daring to mention that the situation is affecting you too is extremely rude - he has no business being in a relationship if he is going to enable terrible behaviour from his near adult son no matter how badly it affects other people in the house and then gaslight those people into thinking they are cold hearted if they dare to criticise him.

Your partner is totally unworthy of you- I would shift your focus onto how you can get out of this relationship.

Hi all...... so the update is that his son came yesterday whilst we were both at work and has taken his belongings and left to live with his older sister whom might I add moved out in exactly the same way with her boyfriend who is actually a drug dealer.....

Myself and the oh called the phone company up and blocked the phone as said phone that is on contract is with a drug dealer or cash converters and my other step son who is 14 has advised that the 17 year old has been drug dealing....

I don't know how true this is but I am expecting some trouble at our door now as he has moved out of the area and the said phone that he had has now been blocked so there is no use for this.

It seems as if history is repeating itself... I feel completely useless as my OH is beating himself up that he has failed his children as his daughter did exactly this 2 years ago....

You and your kid have no legal protections since you’re not married to that man, he could have you both removed from his property at any time. You urgently need to secure your child’s life, find a safe home, don’t have druggies in their life, you can still see your boyfriend if you feel the need but prioritise your child, not your boyfriend and his offspring. Ffs.

I would change the locks so you don't have the anxiety of wondering whether he's going to move himself back in some day.

Not sure if I should say I’m sorry it has come to this or what a relief.

Things may get worse soon, you don’t know how much his sister will put up with him (probably only a few days) and the problem will start again or be amplified.

If I were you, I would start preparing my exit. Try to get a job, start saving, see how you can eventually survive on your own, it may take a few years to be there but... it is better to live on your own than with a bastard that is happy to tell you were to go if you disagree with him.

Yep, not married no rights. He can change the locks on you and you are in deep waters.

I wouldn’t be keeping my child in this family.

Ps. If you find yourself trapped between a rock and a bad place at this time, try to think what would happen if he died... I’m sure that would help you realise how vulnerable you and your DD are, but also will force you into thinking reasonable ways to stand on your own two feet for the sake of your DD.

as the previous poster said, you have no protection if anything happened to your OH as you are not married. YOu are homeless then. Unless he has changed awillto be in your favour, you are out on your arse anyhow

id take my child and leave. what happens when the drug dealer kicks your door down? they will, they do.