Anyone been through this?

[Climbmountains911]

I don't know where was the best place to post this but my partner has two children with his ex (never married) and we have a 6 month old daughter together. He sees them twice a week and has them over night over the weekend once a month. He really wants us all to meet up and go on a day date together like take them to soft play so all the kids can meet (I have a six year old from previous relationship ship so a very blended family😂) but she won't allow it as we are "unstable". We are not, we are engaged and happy and during the pregnancy things were not great but partly because I found out she was screen shotting my private social media and putting stuff in his head. She also uses my mental health against me as I have depression and anxiety and I'm not safe to be around the kids 🙄 we have met up and talked (me and her) and everything was civil. We have been to get legal advice and they advised mediation.
My ex is really not happy and he just wants all of us to get a long and for everyone to meet. I can see her point of view but I can also see his, feel like I'm a bit stuck in the middle and was wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar to this?

Yes I know about the benefit thing that's why we are careful and that's why he only stops a limited time.
And I have now I'm done with it it just seems to be me this, me that and I don't know why I'm even being brought into this, I think it's because she wanted 6 months until we're "stable enough" and then meet but my partner didn't agree because we have moved on and have a baby together. But bringing my mental health into it once again that's where I draw the line.

So you have a child together and his children haven’t met their sibling?

Sorry but I think that is incredibly irresponsible and not good parenting on his part at all. Why on earth bring more children into this situation when he can’t even sort the relationship with his existing ones.

I know that what’s done is done and all that but seriously, your social media and MH aside, I can see why the ex doesn’t exactly think that the two of you are shining examples of good parenting.

They have met there sibling on one occasion but she made a whole thing of going behind her back. Legally though that isn't the case.
And well thanks for that but I don't think her parenting is a very good example either but I don't use it against her like she does us. All of this is childish but she threatens him with this, that and the other and is scared to lose his children.
We don't live together but I'm not explaining myself we have our reasons why we don't and that is that.
I wish he could sort all this crap out for the kids sake I really do.

Thing is though OP, the man sees his children on his terms by the sound of it, isn’t prepared to go to court to get a proper contact order in place,and meanwhile is having more children with his new partner.

The in’s and outs of your own part aside, the fact here is that he clearly has little consideration for any of his children if he’s prepared to not introduce the first ones to the second one and vice versa under the guise of “being afraid of what she’ll do,” when he hasn’t actually taken legal steps to try to rectify this.

What are you going to tell your child when he/she grows up and they find out that A, they have siblings, and B, they won’t be allowed to see them?

It’s incredibly damaging to the first children to find out later down the track that they have a sibling. Do they even know this baby is their sibling?

And if you two split up he will potentially do the same to you.

Let’s be honest here, if he wanted to introduce you all and spend time together as a family he would have taken steps to make that happen by now. The fact he hasn’t speaks volumes.

I understand your motivation with UC, though you would not be expected to work for a year after giving birth if you had a joint claim.

You can't help what the ex says or does. She's wrong and you would be well within your rights to ignore her, but that won't help much if he can't stay over at yours more anyway for legal reasons. Personally I think the ideal situation would be to live together and have his children together as a family.

I'm hoping this is not a case where your partner is too involved with his ex and trying to keep his fingers in both pies since you mentioned she was able to get into his head which caused you two to fight. Your situation will probably improve vastly if and when you live together but only if he is as invested in being a family as you are.