Stepson help!

[Jdhobbs]

I recently caught my stepson filming me in the shower, I found his phone recording me. I feel totally violated and even months down the line, hate him being in the house. Neither of his parents have (I feel) addressed the situation. Am I right to still feel peed off about it? Should I have called the police? He’s 13.

Thank you sotired, I’m not trying to blame anyone, like I’ve said he’s generally a good kid. If anything I have blamed myself over anyone, as perhaps I did something wrong. But honestly the mother took the phone all of 5 minutes, she doesn’t care really. It’s more his step dad that’s doing this discipline.

It’s being dealt with and we are trying to get to the bottom of it and assist him.

Thanks for all your messages.

Stuffed Peppers - we could argue this until the cows come home but at the end of the day, the law says it’s not legal to film a person in private whilst they are naked and without their knowledge or consent. That’s the law. Neither you or I (unless you are a magistrate of some sort) make the law. The only way as I understand it, to be legal, is if the OP had voluntarily taken all her clothes off in a public place and allowed herself to be filmed whilst in the act of being naked. Even this isn’t legal, as it then becomes an act of public indecency. So I’m sorry StuffedPeppers, but what went on here is not ok.

The OP, please do not feel bad about what has happened to you. You are not the perpetrator in this scenario and there is zero need to feel as if you did or didn’t do something to deserve this.

This would be a major red flag. I know of a similar incident and it did not get addressed and it not end well for the child, it got out of hand. It needs to be addressed for the sake of the child. The school should be informed. I cannot believe any BM would not be mortified - yes I said BM . He obviously has no idea about privacy and needs to be sanctioned. He has his phone back when you ALL feel he can be trusted. That means all of you communicating , forming, AGREEING to a plan and sticking to it.

@Sotiredofthislife wouldn’t this be a safeguarding issue?

Does his mother live within reasonable distance of your home? If so, I would be putting my foot down that your partner should see his son outside of the home, for example days out or meals, at the weekends.

I would not be happy if somebody was in the house who had tried to do that to me before. Not until I'd at the very least had a reasonable explanation (peer pressure is common at that age, and he might not know how serious it is, or how it made you feel).

Stick to your guns, and don't brush this behaviour under the carpet. Who's to say he won't try to do the same to girls in his year in the future? You'd be doing everyone a favour in the long term by sorting this right now.

OP - it is not your fault but the overdramatics from some people here are ridiculous.

Yes educate him - like I said teenage boys need to the taught. One offence and some people have him as a potential serial rapist.

@stuffedpeppers I don’t think anyone has inferred that! Being cautious is not over dramatic. It’s called child protection. If this young man has been dared then there is a definite issue which does not involve just him. It rises many unanswered questions. What other dares have taken place? Who dared you? Was it an older class mate? Your forgetting this was a premeditated act, if this had been anywhere else the law would have been involved I assure you.

I don't know if it's possible but I'd want husband, SS and phone down at the police station with me. I'd want the phone thoroughly checked to verify nothing else on it if a similar nature and that it hadn't been shared.

I'd want SS and DH to understand for good how fucking serious this is.

@stuffedpeppers

No poster on this thread has suggested or inferred that this boy is a potential rapist.

"This would be a major red flag. I know of a similar incident and it did not get addressed and it not end well for the child, it got out of hand."

So you punish and teach - am sorry i have 2 DSs and 2SDSs they are taught about respect and what is acceptable. Sorry the melodrama - police etc etc is just ridiculous, when we do not ahve all the facts.

If OP is not happy with the consequences that his DF her DP put in place then she discusses it with him and they work it out.

OP I’m not going to respond to other posters. If you need advice or need further information regarding safeguarding or voyeurism and the law do contact the Nspcc. There have been many amendments to the law this year regarding this type of issue. Good luck