Please help.

[Stepmum928]

I’m engaged and my partner has a son from a previous relationship- he is 11. I have known him for 3 years, we have him every other weekend and 2 nights in the week. We make it feel like home, he has his own room decorated just how he likes it and he loves to come here. His mum is very difficult and palms him off just about as much as she can and it can end up that we have him 4 weekends in a row plus extra days in the week. This wouldn’t really bother me but my partner doesn’t communicate with me, he just accepts having him Whenever and expects me to fit my plans accordingly- which can be at extremely short notice, mostly that day. I do the school run, cook every meal, make every packed lunch, get him up, wash clothes, clean the house after them both- everything a mum and wife would normally do BUT the thing is nobody asks, they just expect. I just feel extremely fed up. Even my partners mum when asked to pick her grandson up at school, questions where I am and why I haven’t gone to collect him? Like it’s solely my responsibility. My partner is very touchy so I cannot talk to him. He is very stubborn. I’m struggling. What makes it harder is that I cannot seem to develop a bond with my step son... his parents think it’s acceptable that he plays video games morning noon and night and I cannot get to spend any time to get to know him. When he’s at ours his dad pussyfoots Around him and says that we cannot go out and do things because he ‘gets bored’, so we end up staying in and the little lad stays in his room on games with the door shut. He even brings his Nintendo downstairs when we eat. He never says please or thank you and his dad doesn’t ever correct him. But when I mention it to my partner he tells me to butt out and makes out I have an issue with his son. I really don’t BUT it is affecting my life and I want to be involved. I feel like it’s okay for my input when it’s benefiting but when I try and offer a suggestion or talk about something that affects me he cuts me off and makes out I’m selfish. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep feeling like this. It’s beginning to make me feel resentful and I don’t want that, I just wanna feel like a family. Not an outsider in my own home

I think you are totally justified to feel the way you do. They can't have it both ways... expecting you to do all the care giving but get all touchy if you express an opinion things. The amount of time spent on video games is over kill. You should feel proud for doing your best for your step son. I'm afraid the MIL and partner should feel ashamed at his defensive they are when you raise issues yet are totally at peace expecting you to be available all the time for school collections. They need to acknowledge not only how much you do but your opinions. If they can't respect you for that I would start thinking further xx wishing you luck xx

When we take on things that we either feel unappreciated for doing or unrewarded for doing... we begin to develop and harbour resentment. Which is what has happened and is happening to you.

Going on strike as the maid, cleaner, cook and general dogsbody is no doubt only going to cause conflict that will blow up in your face. I can confirm this because I’ve tried and tested it.

As a first option, you can begin to make yourself less available. I don’t know what your social life is like or your interests out of the home/relationship, but if they are fairly low level or low-lying, perhaps now is the time to start getting some or ramping them up.

A second option is for you and your fiancé to agree to employ a cleaner and jointly pay for said cleaner.

A third option is to consider if this the right man and/or right relationship for you. Love is wonderful but ultimately, happiness trumps love every time. Something to think about.

Good luck