Husband's ex coming in the house?

[MichelleC69]

Don't know if I'm being a bit over-sensitive but my husband's ex always insists on coming into the house uninvited when she comes to pick the kids up. They're 12 and 18, it's not like they can't make it down the garden path on their own. It drives me nuts as the boys will faff around getting their shoes on and stuff together etc, taking ages, all the while she's stood there. I don't really want her in the house - it's not even as if she makes an effort at smalltalk or whatever, it's all really awkward.

So the other weekend when she turned up I knew they weren't ready, so I opened the door and said 'hi, they'll be out in 2 minutes' and then closed the door on her, thinking she would go and wait in the car. She didn't...she just stood there with the door closed in her face.

When I pick my daughter up from her dad's I call her to say I'll be outside in 2 mins and she just comes out - surely that's what most normal people would do??

@anuta77 I wouldn't call letting her eldest son think that his parents divorce was down to me and his dad harmless....she had a affair and chose to hide it from her kids, letting them believe that we were the reason they split. We didn't even meet until 6 months after they'd split. But even if she was harmless, I still don't have to have her in my house. Appreciate your circumstances are worse but to be honest I wouldn't put up with it!

Ok that needs to stop ! Completely unnecessary her being in YOUR house complete over step of boundaries and there’s no need - I would suggest your partner tells her that she needs to wait outside at the bottom of the path or in her car and you will send them out to her or take them to her and if your picking them up you do exactly the same - that’s what we do ! There is no need whatsoever for you to be crossing each other’s safe comforts and security or your own homes !

@MichelleC69, of course it's your house and you can do whatever you want. It's just that I don't think I would feel good with my father or SM telling my mother that she has to wait outside. I don't know how is your relationship with his children. Myself I decided that because my partners children and their mothers lacked respect towards me that I will not longer make as many efforts. But if you have a good relationship with them, it might affect it. It's up to you of course. I understand you of course.

Neither my ex-h nor I adore each others’ new partners, for a number of reasons (ex-h’s girlfriend, for example, was the other woman. And my current bloke is an old friend ex-h could never stand). But, we are co-parents so we foster good relations. Neither of us would allow the other’s partner to stand on the doorstep, rather than inviting them in for a (possibly, albeit awkward) coffee. We have kids together. Time to be grown up about it! The kids come first, in my honest opinion. And a decent person is respectful towards their ex’s new partner, regardless of the back-story, providing that new partner is decent to the kids! Sorry if this post is inflammatory. It wasn’t always what I felt. But ex-h and I had issues about our new partners for a while, and that was to the detriment of our children. I am so glad, for everyone’s sake, to have moved beyond that. Tho it is not always easy.......

I think that some of you think that your kids think more about this than you actually do . They probably don't see anything wrong at all with the other parent waiting in the car. In fact it could be more awkward for them than seeing everyone together .