Ungrateful stepkids- need a rant!

[MichelleC69]

Does anyone else ever feel like step parenting is a completely thankless task? I have the most ungrateful stepsons on the planet. Just spent ages cooking a lovely dinner from scratch (after working all day). Youngest one (12) pushes his food round his plate and then says he doesn't like it (even though he ate the exact same thing 2 weeks ago) and eldest (17) scoffs the lot without a word and then fucks off back to his room. Only one who thanks me and says it was lovely was my daughter.

I just feel like they take their lovely clean house/good healthy food on the table every night/washing done etc etc completely for granted. They don't have to lift a finger and I'm just fed up of running round after the ungrateful little shits sometimes!

Aaaaand breathe....maybe I'm expecting too much.

Vent internally and then tell dp to sort their manner out. Thank you after dinner is a basic and I always did it for my mom and still do as an adult.
Their dad needs to enforce this and make it clear or you do.
Also. 17 is old enough to help wash up, in fact they are both old enough and dd. Go tell all of the kids their helping clean or cook next time

DP needs to speak to them, however at 17 dss is old enough to learn how to cook and clean up after himself and do his own washing.

Thanks, totally agree and DH does tell them but it goes in one ear and out the other. Eldest is off to Uni in Sept so I can't really be arsed to try and educate him for the sake of a couple of months.

He better learn to cook then!
I'd do it on that principle. Maybe he could cook dinner for everyone with his brother and then dp could wash up.
Wins all round

Apparently his mother cooks him something else if he turns his nose up at what's put in front of him - this is what we're battling against!

I understand how you feel, but many children (and men) don't appreciate cooking as much as we'd like, maybe because they don't know what goes into it and they just think that it's your job. If your partner supports you and tells them to be polite and it doesn't work, concentrate on how grateful your daughter is.

I feel your pain OP.

I have 2 DSC - 11 & 14. To be fair they say thank you (albeit i’m not convinced they really mean it it’s more on autopilot).

That don’t do anything at mums house (the 14 year old isn’t even ‘allowed’ to make toast as it’s apparently too dangerous). I shit you not....

One fantastic eater. One extremely fussy (verging on an eating problem). Will only eat 3 dinners and expects a separate one. Not in our house - a work FT and always cook child friendly dinners (I don’t do beige oven food). You don’t know the stress it’s caused me over the years when the ‘gerbil’ eating starts - cutting food up into mm pieces and boarking at every mouthful (despite being something that was eaten last week).

I remind them that i’m not their slave and we all pull our weight running the household (which is bollocks really as they have to be asked constantly to help out).

I’ve defaulted to getting their dad to do it. If they can’t be arsed let him get in with it and raise entitled kids.

Thanks @northernspirit. I feel like I need to try and rise above it as it makes me soooo bloody angry, but the food issue isn't the only thing that winds me up. I feel like I'm on a constant cycle of 'put your dirty washing in the basket/flush the toilet/clear up your crap' and I'm stressed for the 3 days a week they're with us. Them thinking that it's 'just my job' is frankly not good enough. I run a very clean and tidy household and I'm not prepared up give my standards up because I inherited stepkids.

I feel like I'm on a constant cycle of 'put your dirty washing in the basket/flush the toilet/clear up your crap'

What does your husband say?

My SD (12) leaves her slippers everywhere, bed sheets would be on the floor, she would leave toilet paper which she uses to blow her noise on the bed and the floor. I stopped doing her bed and would show the toilet paper to her father. He started picking them up and doing her bed himself. When he got tired, he started making her do it.

They're your step kids. Where is the effort your partner is putting into his kids?
My husband and I take in turns to cook for kids and I'm not made to parent them. He does that as he is their dad.

I don't cook for them all the time, their dad does more than his fair share. In terms of the cleaning up, I always see it first so I'm the one who's having a go at them. He backs me up, but I feel like it's causing bad feeling between us as in his eyes I'm constantly moaning about his kids. It's very wearing.

I stopped, flat out stopped when dp didn't support me and he couldn't cope doing it all. Caused a massive row. But he's never ever done it again... Now the kids say thank you and I'm pushing for them to clear table, lay table, tidy etc.
They can do it if they will have to one day when they are grow. Ups

Maybe that's the answer @spanglyprincess1. None of them notice how much I do, they soon would if I stopped!

Maybe. I think part of everyone job Inc schools and extended family is to help children turn into capable adults.
Part of that is being able to cook, clean, manage money and cope generally.
By asking kids to help cook and tidy, we are doing what we can to help them. They will fight it but honestly it is good for them.
Also gives them in long run nicer food and more space/time to play if things are away n tidy. Plus everyone's more relaxed

It's hard to stop being the slave. You really have to turn a blind eye to all of it and stick to your guns. See what happens when you've been on strike for a month.

Mind you I'm struggling to get dp to. Take our son to playgroup on time this morning as he's tierd/busy ... So I'm probably the worst person to advise.

Don’t take it personally, kids/teenagers just don’t have that empathy. They are wrapped up in themselves, it can take up until their early twenties to develop the consideration for your effort

Had a massive row with husband as a result of me getting these frustrations off my chest. I maybe didn't express myself in exactly the right way but he basically takes it all as a criticism of his parenting and he thinks I hate his kids. I honestly don't know how to raise this stuff with him without it ending up with us arguing.

Dp does that too. I think I may actually have said when he did a you hate my children thing, I hate you not the kids, not the most constructive, but it made the point.
He then actually listened to me. I can't do a 10 hours day at work plus all childcare for our 10mth old and cook tea for 3 extra mini people. It isn't fair to expect it or to not appreciate it and actually do some parenting.

He asked me this morning to think of the last nice thing I said about the kids and I actually can't. It all gets lost in the continual resentment of them taking everything for granted. But now he's made me feel like a complete moaning bitch.

Don't feel bad. It's a hard job.
Seriously stop doing the donkey work and do the fun stuff.
Wehn it's nearralt dinner team say I'll take kids to park with a football while you cook. Breeze out.
Or me and dd and dss (11) are going to watch a new film while you do dinner or play xyz game.
Breeze on and do it.
I garanatee you will have more postaive things to say as you will have nice bonding time.

By you I mean dp cooks

I’d suggest to your dp that was he next time they come over for him to pay attention to how many times they words please and thank you are used towards you.

That you’ll suspend your criticism until he’s had a chance to focus on what you perceive as the issue.

His attitude is weird. Like, he doesn't disagree with any of what I'm saying. But it's like I'm not allowed to say it as it's a slight on his parenting and seen as constantly slagging his kids off.

Good point re the 'please and thankyou's' - I can't remember the last time they said it unprompted.

We've only been married a year, and if I have to be honest I would've been happy to continue having separate houses as we did for the previous 5 years to avoid all of this. But it made no financial sense to continue like that. However I do feel like our relationship has suffered significantly for getting married and combining our families. This stuff is not easy. And to compound it all I am in the menopause with all the problems that brings. Feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 12 months.

and here I am on that topic ...this situation is new to me and it is a struggle at times . 2 kids of partner and they wander in as if they own the place . Eldest is 18 nearly 19 ( home from Uni /no job ) and he is always eating but he never addresses me . He says to his father " what's the plans for lunch/dinner etc . What is there for eating ? I'm hungry " Partner is getting up to speed with this as I did lay it out on the line for him last weekend and I have explained to him how this makes me feel . He is starting to act on it . Son sat and watched me carry in bags of shopping at the weekend when his father was out and said nothing ( haven't told partner that as I feel I would be moaning even more! ) He walks out at the end of the weekend - no thanks at anytime during this stay. The younger is good and she will say thanks for dinner etc . My children are older but never behaved like this.