Am I expecting too much?

[Eisley]

Looking for some advice on wether I'm expecting too much from my step daughter, 6 and a half.
She has everything done for her when she's not with us but my partner and I expect her to be a bit more independent. When I say that I mean, tidying her room, getting herself dressed, finding her toys she's lost etc. Things I'd expect a 6 year old to do (I've taught year 1 for 8 years).
She NEVER turns off her bedroom light, I ask her every time but it's not sinking in. Do you think I'm being unreasonable to expect her to remember? I'm going to start getting annoyed with her soon.

Make sure her mum (I'm assuming) is also on board with these things. So she knows that she's expected to do these things at both homes

At 6 I would only expect them to remember to clean or switch off the light unprompted if they had a MH condition that turned those into compulsions. I don’t see the issue in reminding her for now — she’s not even in junior school yet right?

I think children at school do tend to be expected to do more than they often do at home. That's not to say you shouldn't keep trying at home, but I do think it's unreasonable to expect perfect behaviour from a 6 year old. Especially one who is, I assume, only at your house some of the time.

Surely this is the time to get out the reward chart or similar so that when she does achieve certain things she gets rewarded after every 10 or whatever?

And, as is so often asked on these threads, where's her father in all this? What does he think? Why are you handling it all?

My partner had a chat with her mum the other week about her daughter becoming more independent and she has started to step back a bit which is brilliant. He's very supportive but I don't think the light issue he's too bothered about but will back me if I want him too.

Thank you for your answers, first time mum here so just trying to find my way.

I would say pick your battles. Try not to get locked into a battle of wills. If her room is messy it's up to her. If you see her light on, turn it off. But life is too short to 'sweat the small stuff' - especially with step kids (I'm a stepmother of 8 years)

I'm going to start getting annoyed with her soon.

Yikes.

first time mum here

No. You're not.

Let the parents do the parenting.

I have to be honest, the light thing does seem unimportant in the bigger scheme of things. DS is 8. He's been going to the toilet alone for years. But I still sometimes have to remind him to flush. It's irritating, but it's one of those things. And to be fair, he almost always gets it now. He went through a brief phase about a year ago where he stopped for some reason, but the constant reminders sorted it out.

Room tidying is a battle that most parents have with their DC at some point, I'd keep working on it. DS has to have me stand over him to get it done, but he's getting better. It's all perfectly normal.

My 12 y old SD doesn't remember to turn off the light, lift clothes from the floor or even bring her place to the sink after a meal, I can not imagine a 6 year old doing that. Honestly, at 6, I would only expect her to be getting dressed alone. But even there, I think it's her parents' job to teach her.

I'm going to start getting annoyed with her soon
Why? Kids need reminding about routine things all the time. You can still hear parents reminding their 15yo to brilush their teeth! They don't not do things to annoy you, they just don't think.

Gi e her more responsibilities, great initiatives, get annoyed with her and you open the door to her wanting nothing from you, least of orders.