Step daughter having a baby

[FiremanKing]

My oldest step daughter is having a baby.

My husband will be called Grandad and her mother will be Nanny and her husbands mother will also be called Nanny.

But my husbands ex wife has specifically mentioned to her daughter that I should not be addressed as Nanny or any other grandparent name (granny, gran, grandma etc).

My husband says this is nonsense and I can be Nanny too.

My step daughter and her husband think I should be called Nanny too but my step daughter has said her mother is going on and on about it and it’s causing a lot of tension.

The other Nanny to be, the mother of my step daughters husband has no problem with my being called Nanny.

I would love to be a third Nanny but I don’t want this to mar the arrival of the new baby.

What do other step grandparents call themselves?

Saw an interview with Kym Marsh a few weeks back,shes about to be a grandma but wants to be called "Lolly' as a nickname (apparently it's a common nickname from another country) also I've found this link
www.verywellfamily.com/choose-the-perfect-grandmother-name-1695527

My little one has 3 granddads, 2 of which are 'step'. My side, he has been in my life since I was 10. Has took me to school, watched me grow up, helped me when I needed him and much much more. My husbands side, he has been there since my husband was approx 2 month old so in our eyes (and our little girls) they are just as much grandfathers as my dad is.
I do think it all depends how long you've been in your step daughters life but if you and her are happy for you to be called granny then that has nothing to do with her mother.

I honestly think it depends on your relationship with SD.. both sets of parents are separated in our family so DD effectively has 7 grandparents (one isn't in a relationship. Her step grandads are called 'Grandad name' because they're involved but my dad's wife isn't referred to as any grandparent name - because we don't see her and she has nothing to do with me/any of the family.

I think 3 nanny's is confusing though, DD has:
Grandma
Nanny
Great-grandma
Great-nanna

I hate things like this. I would t want my children to call anyone grandad or nanny who was t their real nanny or grandad, and I wouldn’t want my step children’s kids to call me nanny or grandma, that’s for my children’s kids to call me.

I think it’s incredibly inappropriate and insensitive to want to call yourself that. My dads wife is called by her name, my mums partner is called his name and the real grandparents all chose their names (grandma, nanny etc.) If your step daughter feels uncomfortable with you being nanny for whatever reason you need to accept that.

@Mabellavender some step-parents might not be 'real' parents by they're a million times better. DH's stepdad is a wonderful man, who is 100 times the father than both his and mine real ones.

Of course they should be honoured with grandparent status, if that's what the stepchildren want.

I didn’t care what I was called but did assume/presume I would be Nanny and grandad along with my husband as I am close with my stepdaughter and her husband.

Anyway, I have spoken to her mother as I do get on fine with her and was a bit puzzled by it.

I must have misunderstood it all as her beef as it were is that she wants to be the only Nanny and thinks the other grandmother and I should choose another variation such as grandma, gran, granny, Nanna, Nan etc.

So, it’s all ok now and I will probably be Nan. Apparenly his mother is ok with being called Grandma.

Yes you can have more than one grandparent. The father’ parents and the mother’s parents. Two Nans two grandads. Anything else is made up names.

I get the whole “kids have only 1 mum and 1 dad” thing 100%. But when it comes to grandparents I don’t see what the harm is in having an extra grandparent.

She’s not their Nan she’s just not.

My son calls my aunt and uncle Gran and Papa as they brought me up and although he knows the background now, to him, that's who they are, end of. On the other hand, his paternal grandfather passed six months ago having never once met DS (other than walking by him in town) despite living in the same area his entire life.

My own nana was actually my stepdads mum. But as far as everyone who knows our family is concerned, I'm her oldest grandchild, whether they know I only appeared in her life aged 3, or not.

"Mum", "Dad", "Nan, "Papa" are all, in effect, made up names. If someone has earned that name over the years, good for them.

DD has 2 nanas, a great-nana (who she just calls nana too) and a Grandma. Its never been an issue for confusion. If speaking about them we/she use their surname as well; if they are both present the one dd is actually addressing would be more obvious so not issue there either. Not been an issue for over 17 years anyway.

She also had a Grandma-Great (great grandma) who actually was really a step great-grandparent. MIL and DH always called her by her name, as did I. But as soon as DD was born we called her GrandmaGreat (alongside GrandadGreat) MIL had no issue over that at all.

She’s not their Nan she’s just not.

I really think it's about how involved people are though. If the grandparent has a close grandparent-like relationship it really isn't an issue.
Children have several grandparents, and often even more great grandparents. Its not like its just a one off person.

I don't think people had so many issues over these things in the past. Mere friends of the family were honoured with these names at times too.

Ironically my stepmum is closer to my children than my mum is. I think it would be really disrespectful to disregard her role in their lives.

Lllot not by blood, no. It’s up to your children/grandchildren though at the end of the day what she’s known as.

I appreciate everyone’s story is different, but I’m a good grandparent so no need for a sub there’s not a vacancy. Please don’t be offended by this as I say we all have our stories. But I’m not dead not absent don’t need another Nan.

OP, glad you got it sorted out. What’s your husband planning to be called? If it’s grandpa or grandad, would you consider a “matching” name like granny?

I think “granny” is quite sweet and there’s a ring to saying “granny and grandpa/grandad”.

Lovely update
What a luck baby x

DM is Nanny, MiL is Nanna and DSM is Grandma. It's entirely up to your step daughter to decide whether you get called a variation of Nanny because she's the parent. Her DM shouldn't have a say.

My DH's stepmother is just referred to by her first name by our DC.
She is fine with that and it seems pretty standard. DH would never have considered her being 'nanny' or anything like that.

The men involved are both happy to be called grandad. It appears that it the women involved who want ownership to a particular title!

We have a granny, grandad x2 , grandma, Gramps, 2 x Great nanny's and a Nana very grateful for them all. Pick something else not Nanny OP and congratulations 🎊

We don't have step family here but one grandmother is Nana and the other is her first syllable repeated. Think SuSu for Susan or JaJa for Janice. My DH's Nana who is still alive is Nana Surname.
My friend calls her grandparents (again all blood relations) Nana and "Steve".

I am a step grandma and the children call me [my first name].

My children call my mum's husband by his first name. But they think of him (and love him) as a grandad.

It's funny how there are so many versions of names for grandmothers and really only one or two for grandfathers!

Growing up we called my step dads parents Aunty and uncle - but we were older when they entered our lives.

My step mum wanted to be grandma which was different to my DM and Mil.

I do know someone who is very close to his best friends family and do his dc call their parents grandparent names. His mum is hurt by this but I think that is more because she is hurt by how close he is to then replacing her in some respects.