Step daughter having a baby

[FiremanKing]

My oldest step daughter is having a baby.

My husband will be called Grandad and her mother will be Nanny and her husbands mother will also be called Nanny.

But my husbands ex wife has specifically mentioned to her daughter that I should not be addressed as Nanny or any other grandparent name (granny, gran, grandma etc).

My husband says this is nonsense and I can be Nanny too.

My step daughter and her husband think I should be called Nanny too but my step daughter has said her mother is going on and on about it and it’s causing a lot of tension.

The other Nanny to be, the mother of my step daughters husband has no problem with my being called Nanny.

I would love to be a third Nanny but I don’t want this to mar the arrival of the new baby.

What do other step grandparents call themselves?

f I thought any of my grandchildren were calling my ex husband’s gf nanny or any variation of I would be fit to be tied.
I’m the grandmother not her.

Why does it bother you to that extent though? I can understand not calling a stepmum “mum”, but why can’t a stepnanna be called “nanna”? It’s not taking anything away from you, because unlike mum/dad, children can have more than one grandparent.

I really won’t worry about the name my own 3 year old calls me by first name regularly and this was what she called me up to about 18 months. I’m still her mother and she has her primary attachment to me.

I would also let your step daughter deal with this if you can possibly help it, before you contact her mother.

It’s really none of Nanny Marie’s business what future grandchild calls you. It’s between you, your step daughter and her husband, and you seem to all be in agreement!

I was very careful with what my DD called my step mum. A lady who had been in my life since I was 10 years old. I wanted my DD to address her as a grandmother without stepping on toes of my mother or her other Nan. So my mum was called 'gran gran' her paternal grandmother was called 'nanny' and my step mum was called 'nana her first name
This worked well. Her great grandmother was called grandma.

I think you should be nanny... blimey my nephew (half brothers baby, we have different mums) calls my mum nanny. My brothers wife says he's lucky to have so many nans!

To add my dad and his mum broke up a long time ago and although my mum isn't his mum we all spend time together. Maybe odd but it works for us..

I think the ex wife is being completely out of order here - controlling and downright nasty. You can be what your family decides to call you - and that family doesn't include her.

Most children even as adults won't want to upset their mum, that's why your SD is stressed about it.

If you said your happy to be called your name it would relieve her of the stress.

My DH has a SM and our DC do not call her Grandma. She's known as Grandpa's wife.

Because in my culture it would be rude to call her by here firstname as an elder, they call her Aunty. Which is the general term of respect for an older female.

Why don’t you call her great uncle Charlie? Because she’s not a great uncle presumably. Therefore don’t call her nanny because she’s not.

A shame that so many people on here think of their own feelings and not the child's feelings.

'Fit to be tied' - time to focus on the child and not the adult. What they call her doesn't affect you in the slightest.

Lllot

Like I said, a child can have more than one grandparent. So yes, you can call her a grandparent. Stop being so pathetic.

Ultimately it's up to your SD to decide not her mother. Well actually the child will start calling you what he or she wants lol I wonder if she's going to be overbearing to her daughter once the babies here if she's making these demands now what demands will she have once her daughters had the baby.

It's not really up to anybody but your SD and her H, the child will call you whatever they refer to you as!

I'm expecting and my SDad will be whichever name he prefers, if it happens to be the same as my Dad, it would be followed by his given name for differentiation when talking about him.

Well I think your poor SD must be very unhappy with everyone fighting over a baby and possible names

From experice the child will use whatever the mum refers to the parent as .... but they usually come up with their own slant on it anyway

A child will call you what they are directed to. My children call my parents Grandma and Grandpa because I directed them... I.e. go to Grandma.

Your SD doesn't call you mum, so no need for her child to call you Nanny.

The SD is not in this case going to ignore her DM. If she was...
She wouldn't have raised it as an issue.

It sounds like the mum has an issue with you...were you a factor in her marriage breakdown?

I'm Nanna (my name) to my stepson's child. Would something like that be an acceptable compromise? But ultimately it's what the parent of the child wants, not your DSD's mum.

Presumably she doest call you mum so surely you didn't expect to be nanny anyway? I don't know any step children that call their step parent by anything other than their first name.

DSD’s mum has got no right whatsoever to dictate this. If DSD has said no ‘nanny’ names then fair enough but otherwise you can be called whatever. Once the child is old enough it will be up to them anyway.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss well then you don't get out much do you?

I've just had a daughter and with all the parents and step parents, she will have 7 grandparents all of whom have 'grandparent' names. They are all fulfilling the grandparent role for DD so it would have seemed wrong to not acknowledge this.

My daughter already had two children when I met DH. Her children have always called him by him by his name but refer to him as grandad when talking to others. There are no other grandads currently on the scene.

Presumably she doest call you mum so surely you didn't expect to be nanny anyway?

How is that at all relevant. My dm and her brothers called their step father by his name. My cousins and I called him Granddad. I absolutely adored him and the fact that he wasn't biologically related to me didn't matter at all.

My daughter calls every older lady in our family nanny.

So my aunts, my husbands aunts, my dads girlfriend.

To my daughter nanny just means older family member 😂

My mother died a few years ago, and my dads gf was a bit weird for me... but I still wouldn't stop my daughter calling her nanny!

Nana
Oma
Grandma
Granny-your name
Nanny-your name
Marmar (as my great aunt is to her grandkids)
Meemaw

Once the child is old enough it will be up to them anyway.

The child isn't suddenly going to start calling you something different than the name they've been directed to call you.

I'm Nanna (my name) to my stepson's child. Would something like that be an acceptable compromise?

From reading beyond the first post, it wouldn't be acceptable, as the real Grandparents are to be addressed that way..i.e. Nanny Louise and Nanny Sandra.

It sounds personal in this case ... it seems your DSDs DM doesn't want you specifically to be called Nanny. It's like she feels you have no right to that title.

I'd be surprised if there was no backstory to this....and that makes a huge difference.

Ppl are saying it's up to DSD. If you split up with your OH and the father wanted your child to call his GF/DP/DW mum, would that be acceptable to you?

Probably not, because your child only has one mum..as the mum, you wouldn't want anyone else being called mum by your child.... in the same way the Nan/Nanny in this case, doesn't want
anyone who isn't a Grandmother to be addressed as anything that infers she is.

As an aside... where I grew up, your mum's mum was called your Nan and your dad's mum was called your Gran. It was a way of distinguishing between the two, without adding their forenames.

Meemaw Reminds me of the big bang theory.