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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

There goes our easter holiday...

69 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 10:42

DP's ex girlfriend has decided that their child doesn't poo in her dads care (she does...). So therefore she has denied all contact from now on with a GP's letter, including our holiday next week.

No reason to post this except as an internal scream because I am expected to sweetly smile and put up with the disruption. Poor kid is missing out on a family holiday with her extended family because her mum has an obsession with bowel movements. Doesn't matter what dad says. Apparently mum has cameras in our toilets (just a joke, but maybe you can see how crazy this idea is?!).

He's sent a nice, reasonable letter in the post. Which will be ignored. Meaning he has to go back to court.

Here it goes again.....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 15:03

Helpfully, the nursery she attends 3 hours a week on dads time have a full record of her toilet habits and have emailed a signed letter with the records showing she does open her bowels there.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 15:04

Sorry for the dribs amd drabs, just posting bits of info as I get them.

OP posts:

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/04/2019 15:16

Op you obviously can’t take photographs to prove she is pooing but what you can do is keep a diary of when she is pooing. Might be useful to show GP you A) aren’t ignoring the issue and B) aren’t having problems that mum claims to be having.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 16:22

Oh thank the lord: a quick resolution in the end. GP retracted the letter, and informed mum (and DP). Contact is to resume tomorrow. Holiday as planned. Mum was raging though. Why he picked up the phone to her, I don't know. But ultimately the GP was very apologetic for not fact checking and writing an unfounded letter.

Now, what path to take from here? He doesn't want to mudsling, but nor does he want to ignore concerns.

OP posts:

Chocolateisfab · 03/04/2019 16:28

Imo she needs reporting to ss. She obviously has mh issues that could seriously affect her dd long term. And her relationship with you +her df too.

donajimena · 03/04/2019 16:38

You definitely need to report this. Today is a small victory. You'll have years of this shit otherwise. Parental alienation.

Bookworm4 · 03/04/2019 17:04

Your DP is the person who this little girl relies on to defend her and keep her safe, her mother is using this girl to manipulate your DP. The methods she's using are endangering the welfare of this child, do not let this go, definitely report to SS. It will escalate if she isn't checked.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 03/04/2019 19:46

This doesn't meet the threshold for fabricated/induced illness. The woman is however lying about her child being ill as a means of obstructing her relationship with her father, and is neglecting her child's health needs to boot. The best option would be to go back to court to vary the child arrangement order. The judge will see right through this behaviour and will not look favourably upon the Mum.

NorthernSpirit · 04/04/2019 07:51

Regarding the threatened stopped contact - apply for a specific issued order (£215) at your local court and let the judge decide.

If she does stop contact your OH should take her to court for breaching it. Again £215. She can explain herself and her actions to a judge.

Judges are very pro contact. My OH has a bat shit EW who will stop contact, not because it’s in the best interest of the children but to ‘punish’ her EX.

She agreed to a holiday (written into the CO) in writing. It was booked and paid for months in advance. At 11pm before a 7am pick up she emailed him to say the holiday was cancelled because ‘she now wasn’t comfortable with the children going away with a woman they hardly knew’. I’d known the children over 10 months and drated their dad at this point for over 18 months.

My OH took her to court for breaching. SS investigated her. The judge tore a strip off her and threatened to ‘take the children off her and they live with their father if she continue to stop contact’. The judge also order she pay back the cost of the children’s cancelled holiday.

You have to take her to court or this will continue. Good luck x

NorthernSpirit · 04/04/2019 07:54

Ah just read your update.

Get the contact order restated in court. Otherwise you will have years of her control and withholding contact to come.

MrsMozartMkII · 04/04/2019 08:09

Bloody hell lass.

No experience of such things, but this does need to be contained soonest otherwise everyone concerned is going to end up screwed up.

NWQM · 04/04/2019 08:37

Hope you can all enjoy your holiday.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/04/2019 11:56

Last night he called the NSPCC for their advice on the situation. They are advising a social care referral for their opinion. Even if it is not taken further, all those "little" things make the bigger picture over time if there is an issue.

He has his daughter in his care today. They are at my house now. His daughter has pooed 4 times since 10am arrival! (She has the runs!). I don't think any lactulose is going near her today!!!!

OP posts:

GarthFunkel · 04/04/2019 12:33

Sounds like she had a dose of lactulose yesterday.

WatchingFromTheWings · 04/04/2019 12:34

Was thinking the same as @GarthFunkel !

StormTreader · 04/04/2019 12:48

I would be very suspicious that her mum gave her a huge dose just as they left to try and ruin going on your holiday with her having the runs since she couldn't prevent it the GP letter way.
One more little thing to add to the report - there's no way a child should be given medicine purely as a tool to get back at someone the mother doesn't like.

Happyinheels · 04/04/2019 12:51

I've just read the whole thread and I'd say there are definitely causes for concern.

I think you need to write all this down before you forget anything, because I don't think it's going to stop here. The mum seems to be using her daughters health 'issues' to create reasons to stop the child from having contact with her Dad. And the last couple of comments about the child pooing 4 times since being at dads today - what if mum has deliberately given the child too much medicine to make her poo loads???

Record everything because I think sadly you're going to need the evidence.

TanMateix · 12/04/2019 18:14

I have not read the full thread OP but I know of at least two cases when an ex spouse claimed a doctor has written such kind of letters, both doctors complained harshly at court as the claim was not only fake but meddling like that could loose them their licence.

I bet is all lies. Call the GP and ask him if he wants to come to court as a witness off the other parent. I bet the doctor would be clueless about who wrote the letter.

MzHz · 27/04/2019 09:10

The lactulose was given by the mother to MAKE the dd have the runs?

That’s altogether far more sinister imo

Get this referred to SS, the mother is showing that she’ll stop at nothing to hit out at your dp and will use their dd to do it.

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