Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

There goes our easter holiday...

69 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 10:42

DP's ex girlfriend has decided that their child doesn't poo in her dads care (she does...Hmm). So therefore she has denied all contact from now on with a GP's letter, including our holiday next week.

No reason to post this except as an internal scream because I am expected to sweetly smile and put up with the disruption. Poor kid is missing out on a family holiday with her extended family because her mum has an obsession with bowel movements. Doesn't matter what dad says. Apparently mum has cameras in our toilets (just a joke, but maybe you can see how crazy this idea is?!).

He's sent a nice, reasonable letter in the post. Which will be ignored. Meaning he has to go back to court.

Here it goes again.....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
hsegfiugseskufh · 03/04/2019 10:44

what the hell? why does she think that?

my sympathies op, she sounds batshit! she'll give the poor kid a complex!

swingofthings · 03/04/2019 10:49

What does the gp letter says? How odd!

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 10:51

I have my own theory... it may not be. But this has been building since feb half term when he had an extra day contact as part of holiday contact. So 4 days instead of 3. She wasn't happy with him having the extra day, although it is written in to the order. Ever since then there have been comments on every return about bowel movements. Last weekend she sent a bottle of lactulose. Unopened. Dated as issued 1st March. He asked details. She said it was because the child only ever had an issue when in his care. He reminded her again that the child does not have an issue in his care, she poo's the same as usual. He has never told her any different.
So now she has been to the GP and had the GP write a letter saying the child can't have contact, particularly not 5 days holiday due to not opening bowels in dads care. Which is obviously mums fabrication. Dad has called the GP for a discussion to clarify where all this is coming from.

Essentially she wants to disrupt holiday contact. I expect contact to resume once Easter is over....

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 03/04/2019 10:58

This is awful. The stupid woman is storing up a world of pain for herself when DSD grows up and realises the damage her mother caused.
How old is DSD? Does she know about the holiday? It’s so sad to think of her wondering what she did wrong and why she’s no longer allowed to go.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 11:00

Luckily she is only 2, so won't know.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/04/2019 11:03

and had the GP write a letter saying the child can't have contact, particularly not 5 days holiday due to not opening bowels in dads care.

A GP actually wrote that a child is not to have contact with a parent? I don’t belive that.

Chocolateisfab · 03/04/2019 11:05

Maybe be a poo troll and take pics next time you have dd. Big smiley face next to her full potty??

Youseethethingis · 03/04/2019 11:06

Well that’s something at least. Hopefully you get this crackpot back in her box before the child has any real idea what’s going on. Shit for you both in the meantime though Flowers

cloudymelonade · 03/04/2019 11:09

As PP has said- a GP has written the child is to have no contact?
What exactly does the GP letter say because that smells like some very pungent bullshit to me.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 11:09

GP has done similar before this time last year when contact was first court ordered.

So I won't be surprised if it turns out to be true. If it is true, it is massively overstepping the boundary of the GP role. I think he will male a complaint if this alleged letter does materialise. GP should refer to social care if safeguarding concerns. Otherwise court ordered contact should not be interupted.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 03/04/2019 11:10

I'm very surprised a GP would write a letter like that - they only have the mum's word

Are you sure it hasn't been forged

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 11:11

I'll update regarding GP letter as telephone consultation is arranged for this morning to establish the facts.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 03/04/2019 11:11

I would be questioning this woman’s mental health if she is trying to give her dd unnecessary medication because she won’t listen or take on board that there isn’t anything wrong.

What other medications will she be getting her to take.

I would be telling the ex that dh is taking her to court for full custody because his dd is not safe in her hands.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 03/04/2019 11:11

Do you have a copy of the letter or not?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/04/2019 11:20

Ahh so your DP hasn’t seen any letter.

I would be amazed if a GP stated no contact. But if they have, feel free to ignore, it’s not within their authority to do that. Tell DO to tell his ex that contact will be happening as stated in the current court order and that he will be arriving to collect her as planned and that If she refuses to hand child over then he will be involving the police to enforce the order.

MaverickSnoopy · 03/04/2019 11:36

Ok forget the separate house and fabrication thing for a second. If this was a child whose parents were together then it would be expected that constipation/toilet issues would be dealt with at home. Said child would not be removed from home while constipated etc. So the same should be true in this instance.

I don't really know anything about courts but surely they would expect parents to coparent in this situation, to find a solution. I agree that a GPs letter doesn't hold much weight vs a court order. Although could be potentially used should the issue be taken to court as part of a case. Although I really can't see a judge amending an order for this reason.

When my child doesn't want to do something they nee to, you have to gently encourage them by revisiting the issue, not avoiding it altogether. I can't imagine a judge thinking otherwise.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 12:31

I wouldn't put it past being true given the GP has done similar in the past - which given contact was 6 hours at that stage he accepted. It isn't the case now.

However, he will confirm the GP advice before any further steps are taken.

I'll probably be accused of drip feeding, but I believe I've posted about the issue before. Anyway, this isn't the first time illness has been fabricated. On the first overnight contact last summer she text saying she forgot to provide her inhaler that she needs twice a day and she was coming over with it. The next week he contacted the GP to find out why she had an inhaler as mum didn't give him any further details. GP confirmed no inhaler was prescribed for daily use, and the only other time an inhaler had been prescribed was on the time she wrote the previous letter to court re: stopping contact. That inhaler was a blue salbutamol one which is a reliever, not for daily use. GP had been clear she was not to have it regulalry, it was purely whilst she had a chest infection in March. It was then July.

She does present as highly anxious around health issues. Nothing DP can say or do prevents this. She has also told lies regarding GP visits and medication prescribed when she prevented contact on another separate occasion. I wonder what the GP call will say.

OP posts:
stealthmode · 03/04/2019 12:37

A GP has no right to say contact should not progress. Correct.
If however the mother has presented a 2 year old child with severe constipation to the GP. Stating that the child did not have a poo for 4 days and that you did not give the child the medicine to help, and that she is worried for the child going on holiday for a longer period of time. The GP could actually have written that it is in the best interest of the child to have this treated at home and not be away.

Whilst the letter won’t state don’t progress with contact. The fact that she has gotten a GP to issue a letter that is based on medical welfare of the child, this will be taken into account in he family court. And it will be likely viewed as valid ground for her to breach contact. Sorry but it’s true. A family court judge will not overrule a family GP advice that is based on the well-being of the child.

Sadly the child’s young age also goes against you with a 2 year old not being able to tell the GP that in fact she has had bowel movements.

Your DP needs to be all over this. He needs to obtain (regularly) all GP record to see what is being said.

The bowel movements thing is not odd if she is on a tangent to start something else. Young children with abnormal bowel movements in contact situations (if that’s what she is trying to argue) can indicate many problems. That a child is unhappy, neglected or worse, being abused.

Be warned and stay close to this GP.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/04/2019 12:42

What is he supposed to do? He can't prove this. It isn't like he can take pictures or film it for goodness sake.

Oh she is crazy. This entire thing is crazy. Maybe he should just let social care handle it.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 03/04/2019 12:45

I’m confused as to why the GP has let himself get so drawn into this. I work in healthcare and don’t let parents draw me into writing letters to the other parent about who should and shouldn’t have contact. I’m not a social worker or judge and neither is he. It would be interesting to know if he wrote the letter and what is she actually prescribed right now. Plus why is she prescribed laxatives? Surely the 1st route should be more water / juice / fruit / veg / fibre? Her mother seems a bit fixated by her health but my cynical side thinks it’s a tool to use against you

EL8888 · 03/04/2019 12:48

I am also feeling a vibe of this lm afraid en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Factitious_disorder_imposed_on_another

Bookworm4 · 03/04/2019 12:49

She sounds unhinged, she obviously resents the contact and is trying to interfere with it by using invented illnesses, I would contact SS with your concerns as this could escalate.

Amy326 · 03/04/2019 12:56

She sounds a bit nuts and I’m not defending her actions but just to try think of why she might be acting like this, she might find it really really hard being away from her dd while she’s at her dads? She is only 2 after all, separation can be hard for some mothers. I don’t like being apart from my 2 year old much, it makes me anxious to think of him staying somewhere overnight without him (he has done, with grandparents but I don’t enjoy it). I’m not saying I agree with what she’s doing, and I wouldn’t do the same if I was separated from my child’s father but I know I would find it very very hard to hand my 2 year old over for overnight stays and 5 days away on a holiday without me would make me feel sick to be honest. She might genuinely find this quite distressing and anxiety inducing, rather than just be trying to be difficult. Of course I don’t know that for sure but I’m just offering up another perspective!

hsegfiugseskufh · 03/04/2019 12:58

but just to try think of why she might be acting like this, she might find it really really hard being away from her dd while she’s at her dads?

ah yes but her dad must find it really easy being away from his daughter for days at a time, and even easier when mum reduces contact time because she is frankly batshit.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 03/04/2019 13:04

Yeah you can feel for constipation. Especially if its built up for a few days. First thing the GP does.

You were very foolish not to have given prescribed medication. By returning a unopen bottle still unopened she actually has the proof. Its not hard to cut contact by arguing in court you are so conflictual with her you cant even give perscribed medicine. If you OH didnt see tge need for the medicine he needed to be on the case of the GPs as soon as rhey opened the Monday after