There goes our easter holiday...

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

DP's ex girlfriend has decided that their child doesn't poo in her dads care (she does...). So therefore she has denied all contact from now on with a GP's letter, including our holiday next week.

No reason to post this except as an internal scream because I am expected to sweetly smile and put up with the disruption. Poor kid is missing out on a family holiday with her extended family because her mum has an obsession with bowel movements. Doesn't matter what dad says. Apparently mum has cameras in our toilets (just a joke, but maybe you can see how crazy this idea is?!).

He's sent a nice, reasonable letter in the post. Which will be ignored. Meaning he has to go back to court.

Here it goes again.....

Plantpot no I didn’t say it was easy for the dad did I... I’m sure it’s not. I said this might be the reason why she’s acting like this, that’s all. Sharing custody is a tricky situation all round and the child is very young, many mothers would find it very tough. Doesn’t mean they should create problems of course, but I don’t think getting angry at her is going to help the situation or be good for the child is it? A bit of understanding and compassion on both sides can only help surely.

GP’s sadly do get pulled into these situations far too many times. I have seen cases of children have chesty coughs and a GP ordering home rest (with the mother specifically asking for that wording stating that the father will take the young child out and about), and that being used as valid reason to prevent contact and it not being viewed by the judge as a breach.

This isn’t about the GP getting involved, if a child has been presented to the GP with a medical condition and the primary carer is deeply concerned a GP will put the welfare of the child first and make a decision based on the information they have in front of them.

Remember, it’s no skin off this GP’s nose where the child is. If the mother is saying the child isn’t pooing, that the child is being returned emotionally unsettled (she will be), then the Gp will do what it takes to get her out of his or her room and get on with their day.

if they know she is not constipated though, why would they give her the medication?

just because she was constipated (which is not at all unusual for a child of that age in any scenario) when the mother took her to the doctors, doesn't mean its an on going issue, or in fact anything to do with contact at her dads,

suggesting they should give her the medication anyway when theres nothing wrong with her is foolish and could cause further issues.

Oh don't get me wrong - I get it. I know she doesn't like it. I know she is anxious. I can empathise and put myself in her shoes. BUT her behaviour is not normal. It never has been, but it looks like this may be a slow ramp up to a new level.

He has been accomodating - altering contact at her request, giving her information she asks for (when it isn't necessary). He has tried to be kind. He has put his daughters needs ahead of his own. For example when he was informed on the morning of contact that their daughter had broken her leg the day before by her, he suggested that she stay with her mum that day if she would prefer. Her mum agreed this was the best idea as she still didn't have a proper cast on and was uncomfortable. He doesn't insist on contact ahead of his daughters welfare.

I feel quite sick reading some of the replies. Do you think he should refer the matter to social services? Obviously not the withholding of contact as it isn't their issue. But the, well, fabricating illness?

Dads opinion is that there is nothing wrong with her. GP has found the child has met the threshold for perscribing lactulose and wrote his opinion down.

Thats sufficient evidence in a court of law that something is wrong with the child.

The Dad needed to ask for a second opinion quick.

The issue is - she isn't constipated. She has normal bowel movements regulalry enough for it to never actually be an issue.

Her mum said to give the medication if she is constipated. She isnt. The medication was provided unopened with a date of thr 1st March. It was 29th March when it was provided. It had never been mentioned in the month prior or provided.

I cant be compassionate towards someone who is quite clearly using her child as a weapon.

can I understand why she's doing it? sort of but she's only harming her child and I cant agree with that.

You have no evidence of the fabricated illness. Report it now and it will look malicious. You need to be evidence based

constipation is not always an ongoing or recurrent problem. A GP cannot ascertain from one appointment that constipation is chronic and ongoing. A parent will know if it is because the child simply will or will not go to the toilet. One single GP Letter cannot prove that dad is being neglectful by not giving lactulose once.

In addition, there were no instructions on the lactulose. It was just a pharmacy printed label with the child's name and date of issue plus what it was. No actual instructions for use. No box or leaflet provided.

There is evidence in text form (re: inhaler). GP record of phonecall with dad where GP states no inhaler prescribed. This was detailed in the cafcass letter produced last year. So it isn't the first time something like this has cropped up.

With apologies i had read it wrong re the opened bottle. You still need to find out when she has been in contact with the GP and why.

Theres no point in arguing with the court that theres noting wrong with the child if the GP has said otherwise. Your opinion doesnt outrank a medical professional.

if the GP has no record, try their local pharmacy as they can also prescribe things like that for children. I don't know whether that would go on their medical record or not.

What im saying is OP and her DP might not need to argue with the court, as they might also be of the opinion that it is a non issue.

The mother gave a bottle in 31/3 dated 1/3 and was unopened, so why had she not administered it?
A 2 yr old broke her leg? How did that happen? I'd be very concerned about this child's safety, the mother is using illness/injury to prevent contact; that is a real red flag.

The mother either has munchausen by proxy or she’s deliberately trying to interfere with contact. Either way it needs to go back to court immediately. I’d have already filed the paperwork by now.

OP, you should feel deeply worried. Deeply.

A) how on earth has a 2 year old broken her leg?
b) lactulose can be given out by a pharmacy (it doesn’t have to be prescribed by a GP) but the fact that it has a printed label with the child’s name on is odd. Minus instructions? Even odder
c) get the gp notes ASAP. Ask to speak to the GP practice manager and explain the situation. Your DP may have to prove that he has PR before they disclose anything to him (unless of course they already know). Until you know what is actually noted in the system everything on here is a moot point.
d) file an emergency application now. I mean now. If you’d been to court this morning and waited there was a chance it would have been heard before the weekend. Attach to it proof of the holiday booked.

You guys need to be all over this and yes, be intensely concerned.

This could easily come back and bite her on the arse. She is using her dc health to prevent contact.

All children having poo issue at some point, my son had it but was still expected to go to school.

So she's is trying to say that her dc is to uncomfortable and unhappy to poo at her dads, so it's emotions that are affecting her physical.

Your dp needs to be questioning what's is she getting at and what is she requesting. Any medicine given to a child is low dosage which means she can't take some thing and suddenly have her bowels opened and the issue goes away in two days. Also the dc could be getting a blockage, which happens over time, so they may seem to be going poo but that's just the extra, again this wouldn't happen from coming to yours for a few days.

You need to be complaining to the doctors and telling them you will be reporting them for giving bad advice and writing letter in a family case. Because if they had health concerns they would contact SS. Otherwise if your dp ex is lying because she did get a letter before and is using that then you need to report her to the doctors.

My exh used illness of ds to keep him with him. Didn't look favourably to a judge when I followed on to the hospital where ds had a raging temp /headache and the Dr asked when he had last gave him paracetamol and the answer was - he hadn't had any. His ex stands to lose custody full stop if she continues.
No reason a dc can't be poorly in contact with either dp is there?
Although in this case dd is fine!! Bonkers op.

Okay. Practice nurse rang DP.

From the phone call: 25th feb. Seen in surgery. Advised to go to A&E with blood in stool. Diagnosed as anal fissure. Given lactulose. (Bottle not obtained until 1st march and not given to DP until 28th March). Seems it was given as a preventer due to fissure.
26th March: seen by GP and diagnosed with chest infection. Inhaler prescribed for use while infected. DP given inhaler at next contact on 29th March but not informed of chest infection. Was told inhaler was because the GP thinks she has asthma. GP notes do not confirm mums story.
2nd April: telephone consultation with locum GP. Mum tells GP child has hand foot and mouth. Advised viral infection, no need to be seen unless complications. Mother asked for letter from GP stating not to have contact with dad due to issues of constipation and being unwell. Letter written to reflect this request and to advise no contact with dad.

Now, DP obviously questioned this with the practice nurse who agreed the letter should not have been provided. Child has not been seen. They have no safeguarding concern. She has referred the matter to the GP partners for discussion on the matter this afternoon, and will call him back after 3.30pm.

Think it was greeneggs who said GP can feel for constipation. According to the records, this hasn't happened. There is no record other than mums comments.

Go to the GP and tell them you want her assessed for Munchausen syndrome by proxy.

I really would raise concerns about this child's safety in her mothers care, anal fissure is very painful and for her not to give the lactulose is neglectful. How did the broken leg happen? This ill health/ accidents/ lack of care is mounting up.

Sorry, I forgot to address the broken leg. I don't think that part is too much of a concern. Maybe I am being kind because one of my own kids broke his leg (and arm a year later!).
The story was she fell over a toy awkwardly (plausible). She may not have been in mum's care at the time either as mum and dad and gran (mum's mum) had all been in court the day it happened. They got out at approx 2.30pm. He was informed the next day.

I've read through this and there is a definite safeguarding issue ... with the mother. It's (from posts) close to munchausens syndrome by proxy, whilst there's nothing to suggest that she's making the child ill, she's requesting medication for non existent conditions, lying to medical professionals. I would consider that a call to social services for advice as a first step, along with a gp partner who may be familiar with the threshold which a referral could be made.

The way it's written, things are escalating so hopefully by intervening the mother can get the help she needs.

I believe it is called fabricated illness now Eliza. I don't think saying that to the GP will help. However he does need to put all his concerns together and take advice that's for sure.