Step children hurting my toddler

[19kik]

I have 2 step children 7 and 5, and I have a toddler who is 18 months old. I'm at my witts end the 2 step children are constantly hurting my toddler. They do it when they think no one is looking or even sometimes while me and their dad are sat in the same room. They do not listen when told to stop it. What do I do? Do I ban them seeing my toddler? Because that is the only option I can Come up with as we have told them they won't be coming to our house if they carry on doing this, but they have to see their dad. We normally have them 3 nights a week but 3 nights of my little one getting hurt is really getting me down. I can't even go into the kitchen To make a drink, or even go to the toilet with out having to take the little one with me as as soon as I leave they will do something they aren't supposed to do. Its things like pushing the little one off her ride on car, getting her into a head lock and squeezing, hand around the throat, nipping, tripping up, squeezing head and face. Any advice much appreciated.

Also I would ignore posters telling you to move out, why should you and your child leave your family home because of the behaviour of two other children? For a start it sends a message that they have a lot of power, and if part of their issues stem from jealousy of you and/or your child you are basically rewarding their behaviour by giving them what they want, you and your child out of the picture. Their behaviour is the problem, if you think that your OH cannot or is not handling things appropriately then he should be the one to move out, if such a step is needed. If you were separating with such a young child you would more than likely be allowed to stay in the family home and your partner asked to find alternative lodgings.

In addition to which it is a very expensive option to split up living arrangements. If that's actually affordable then let your OH take the older children to a Premier Inn for visits.

Finally it doesn't ultimately matter whether it's the biological mother or father at fault, what matters in cases of child abuse - which this is - is the welfare and safety of the child at risk.

Have your husband thought about getting professional advice about this behaviour? I also find it very disturbing. I know that kids of similar age/strength fight, I know families where such kids were separated (including my dad) and later the relationship improved. But in this case, I would investigate more, like Stealthmode said. Ask the school. And yes, get professional help. You need it because nothing works!

Get a nanny cam in the living room show it to them and explain what it is. Tell them if they hurt the baby you will post the video online for all their friends to see.
You can also watch the incident together and show them how disgusted you are and hopefully throughly show them up and make them ashamed of their behaviour. If that doesn't work out wouldn't let there be a second time I'm afraid.

This is nothing to do with the mother. Really it isn't. It's a basic parenting fail at your house if they're there 3 nights a week. You need some help OP. Keeping them apart will work in the short term but it won't change anything. I'd pay for a child psych to help you all sort it out.

This is their home 3/7 this is as near as damnit 50:50.

You say it has been happening in the last few months - so something has happened and you and your DP need to handle this as a family.

Only in a blended family is the solution to ban the step child rather than parent as a family. It happens in standard families and they get on and deal with it for all the children. Sounds like some half hearted efforts because Mum will have to deal with it in a few days time.

Sorry lazy parenting in your house

Protect your DD. DH will have to see them elsewhere until you are sure your DD is safe. You can't let this happen in her home where she should feel safe.

The other DCs know exactly what they are doing. Stop letting it happen.

Has he tried speaking to the children and asking why they do it? Explaining why we don't hurt people and the consequences (in respect of people being hurt and the severity as well as punishment). I would do this repeatedly until it's ingrained. Some children just don't learn through punishment. I never really believed this but my DD often doesn't learn through punishment - it can be a balancing act to work out what approach to take. She often just thinks she's naughty and so does it again anyway. Are any of the adults shouting at the children? I often think that makes then clam up and shut down.

I have a 7yo, 2yo and baby. My 7yo and 2yo often fight, not quite like this but pushing and sometimes hitting. It's a work in progress and there is punishment but overall things have massively improved. One of the things we have done is give them both a reward chart. Eldest has to get 30 stickers (can achieve 1 a day) and at the end can choose a day trip reward. Youngest has a simple if you get a enough ticks in the week you get a bar of chocolate or some such. Largely though I watch nearly everything and intervene every time and deal with it immediately. Eldest goes to her room, youngest goes to time out. Then later on we talk. It's hard going but we're making progress. Boredom is often the cause so I try to make sure they both playing at home and not just sitting in each others spaces.

Oh hell no! Keep your baby away from these horrible shits! And yes of course you can punish them - remove all privileges for the step kids, no gadgets, no tv, no internet etc until they can prove they can behave better.
You and your dh really need to be super strict on the rules all the time.

My dc behave differently at each grandparents houses cos they know the rules are different and they are younger so if you stick with the rules at your house they will soon remember.

You tried everything you could. The only step left is to see a child psychologist. This type of behaviour isn’t normal; it’s what hurt little kids do.