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Step-parenting

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Original poster

How do you deal with the biological mum

56 replies

Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 11:08

So I have been a step parent for the last 5 years had ups and downs with the biological mum, only brown my fuse twice one of which was this week!
Anyway, myself and my husband booked a family holiday along with our son together to beautiful Cornwall and his daughter with previous partner. We told the mum months ago the date, told the daughter then last week the mum decided as social services are on her case for another reason with her other children that now the daughter wasn’t allowed to come. With that we also told her she needed to sort a passport out as we were booking a holiday abroad, this was mentioned time and time and time again. Think she thought my husband was chatting shit! So we booked it, within 10minutes she kicked up a massive fuss! The abuse we received you would be shocked, Bringing our son into the argument too! Now it’s her fault she has not got her daughter a passport does she expect us to put our life on hold!
I’ve also got on with her for the sake of the daughter but from this I just don’t know how we can go forward as she doesn’t have one nice bone in her body! Awful woman and twisting her daughters mind too!

OP posts:
Hanab · 13/03/2019 11:12

Don’t have anything to contribute except that many here will say YOU stay out of it let your DH deal with it..

Sending you a virtual hug ..
Step parenting is not easy 🌷as I have read on forums ..

ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/03/2019 11:16

With that we also told her she needed to sort a passport out as we were booking a holiday abroad

Why couldn’t the biological dad the passport?

user1493413286 · 13/03/2019 11:16

That’s really sad that’s you’re step daughter will miss out on a holiday; I’m always nervous that DSDs mum will do similar as arrangements are often changed around to suit her which aren’t always in DSDs best interests

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 13/03/2019 11:17

‘Biological mum’

Wtf?

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 13/03/2019 11:18

Why couldn’t her father sort the passport out?

Bluestitch · 13/03/2019 11:18

Is this some kind of reverse? Only last month you were rowing with your partner because you didn't want your stepkid to go on holidays abroad with you ever because you just wanted your joint child there. Also, any reason why the biological father can't pay for a passport?

Weetabixandshreddies · 13/03/2019 11:20

As your husband wants to take the child abroad why isn't it his responsibility
to get the passport?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/03/2019 11:23

I think that the parent who wants to take the child abroad should really sort out the passport. If nothing else, you'd know it had been done.
Is contact set out legally including holiday arrangements, through the courts or an informal agreement. If all done legally, then I would be inclined to just take the child as previously agreed and deal with the mother when you got back. If not formalised, that's the first thing to do. When she randomly changes arrangements, get your solicitor onto it asap.
Why are ss involved. If there are child protection issues would dad be better off living with her dad. Has he looked into this?

lunar1 · 13/03/2019 11:28

Why isn't the biological dad sorting and paying for the passport?

fruitbrewhaha · 13/03/2019 11:32

I've just quickly skimmed through your other thread, it's all a bit of a nightmare. There's clearly a lot of emotion running high. Let your DH deal with his ex.

Include your step son in all you do.

Grow up a bit.

SusanWalker · 13/03/2019 11:33

I cannot afford to buy passports or travel abroad. My ex wants to take one of our children abroad so I have given him her old passport and it's on him to buy it. I literally can't afford it.

And I am not their biological mum, I'm their mum.

starbrightnight · 13/03/2019 11:34

Agree if the child's father wants to take his child abroad then surely it's his responsibility to arrange and pay for the passport and anything else related to the holiday.

sunlove · 13/03/2019 11:35

I'm a bit confused, is it too late for your partner to sort out the passport and your DSD to come? It would be such a shame for her to miss out.

My DP sorted and paid for DSS's as we were the ones that wanted to take him abroad. As long as Dad has PR he is entitled to apply for the passport and really the only info you'd need to get from the ex is their passport number (I'm assuming he knows his ex's full name & DOB!)

CanILeavenowplease · 13/03/2019 12:05

erm....she's their mum. The child is not fostered or adopted. He lives with his mum.

Your post is unfortunate in tone. Did you really 'tell the mum' or did you discuss and ask what dates might be suitable for a holiday?

And why is it mum's job to get the passport? It needs the signature of one parent only so why can't your partner do it?

sue51 · 13/03/2019 12:23

Why didn't her father sort out the passport? Also, biological mother, surely you just mean mother.

Original poster
Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 12:25

@ILoveMaxiBondi my husband was never put on the birth certificate as she didn’t want him having a right to her but gets annoyed when she’s not included in these purposes due to her own fault

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 12:27

@weetabixandshreddiesy partner can’t do anything he was never put on the bird he certifcate!

OP posts:
ColeHawlins · 13/03/2019 12:28

"Biological mother" is a term only used in the context of adoption.

Original poster
Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 12:31

As stated above my husband was willing to pay for the passport and told the mum but he can’t do anything until she signs the form as he’s not on the birth certifcate so can’t do anything officially

OP posts:
10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:31

Biological mother is a term used in adoption, Mum or mother covers it in your situation.

Your DH needs to get parental rights and responsibilities and sort out the passport, booking without it wasn't very sensible.

As for how I deal with my DSDs mum, the short answer is, I don't. DP used to, now they're old enough to talk to him (or me if they'd prefer) about stuff themselves.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:32

He can do something, he can apply to the court for parental rights and responsibilities.

ColeHawlins · 13/03/2019 12:36

Either he applies to be named on the BC, or he applies for a specific issue order.

He needs to see a solicitor and you need to take a big step back.

Original poster
Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 12:36

And everybody knows I meant mother but put biological mother so you understood my thread!!!! If I knew how to edit I would!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessie20 · 13/03/2019 12:37

If I was able to take a step back I would and do you know what I would! She was throwing light at me and my son! So when my son is thrown into a conversation then motherly instinct is to get involved which in my post I stated I had done twice... this is the second time!

OP posts:
ColeHawlins · 13/03/2019 12:38

And everybody knows I meant mother but put biological mother so you understood my thread!!!! If I knew how to edit I would!

You seem to have a bit of a temper problem. Stop abusing your "!" key.

"How do I deal with DSD's mum?" would have been perfectly clear.