anybody else think this is odd?

[Dave82]

So I received some heart ballons from my partner, my 7 year old daughter had a bit of a traumatic time at her mums house on Wednesday night so on Thursday afternoon I said to my partner I have got to drop some stuff off for my daughter so I will take her 1 of the 6 ballons to cheer her up, my partner seemed ok with this. however last night we were having a bit of a heart to heart conversation about our relationship and she said it really upset her that I gave my daughter a ballon because they were for me not her, I find this very odd because she knows what my daughter went through the other night and it's not like I took all the ballons to give to my daughter. I just want to get people's views on this as I don't think it's normal behaviour.

thanks for spending the time to read.

If people aren’t willing I meant

Ok you got hurt not pissy.

We will just have to agree to disagree.

I started to feel like I was second best

Compared with his daughter you are and should be.

Hahaha! How ridiculous.

I’m so glad my parents didn’t put me on some weird pedestal and tell my step parents they were second best. Bloody hell. What a happy family that would have made 🙄

So jealous of a child that she is upset about you giving her a balloon? Your Dp needs you to explain that in no way do you regret having done this, because if you give in to her over something like this, she is going to control everything you say and do. The woman needs to give her head a wobble.

Definitely odd!

Keep your eyes peeled for more of this statbge behavior

I know it was for your daughter but you took a Valentines gift over to your ex’s house? That would make most people feel a bit odd x

I don't understand how when you have children you suddenly have to stop existing in your own right?

Your girlfriend gave you something that was given in the sentiment of being special and sacred between the two of you, something that is probably rare in most blended families. You imeadiately broke that down by offering to give part of it away.

This isn't about balloons. This isn't even about your daughter. This is something between you and your girlfriend and the way you make her feel like your relationship doesn't have exclusivity beyond the children... Shock horror.... Adult relationships matter too!

This is something between you and your girlfriend and the way you make her feel like your relationship doesn't have exclusivity beyond the children... Shock horror.... Adult relationships matter too!

Yes this!! I wish I had read this ten years ago. Maybe I could’ve made him understand.

It's very immature of her and she does sound a bit jealous. Any woman who has an issue with how much you see your child isn't worth being with.

I noticed you said you think she may be jealous.

It's probably insecurity on her part, but begrudging a 7 year old a balloon!

It's odd! You told her first and why, she said it was OK.... Why then all the drama from her after?
I think you're right to question this and whatever happened with your daughter I hope she's ok now and enjoyed her balloon x

I would think nothing of it. If I had given exp balloons I would have barely noticed if he gave one to his dd. He would have shared them with all our kids and played with them and the balloons and we would have all enjoyed that.

If my exp has shared diamonds with his dd that might have been another matter!

I think this is a big old red flag

I think that’s really sweet and find it very odd that she would resent you giving one of the balloons to your DD.

I wonder whether she would have reacted the same way if the child you’d give the balloon to was your child and her child biologically. I think not.

Dear Op I think you need to talk to your partner. It is ok for her to be angry, she is human. I think you have to acknowledge her feelings even though you don't understand her. Maybe you just have to try to communicate better. Maybe she spent hours planning how to celebrate with you and she felt it meant nothing for you and you gave it away. I don't know. Talk to her. She can b wrong and that's ok, but you are a couple and you can't ignore her feelings and she yours. People are too quick to judge, she is nice to your daughter and she may like her or not but she is nice, she cooks for her etc and you know why is that? Because she loves you!

So your daughter had a traumatic time at her moms - maybe understanding what trauma happened may changes peoples opinion on how reasonable or unreasonable it really was.

fwiw I think that your partner is right to feel a bit insecure. You told her what you were doing and she agreed, even though she wasn't happy. She told you later in a heart to heart that it hurt her a bit that you gave one of your presents away - your response is to come on a forum and say you think it is odd that she felt hurt by this.

She has offered you and your daughter a meal - you then post to say that you think she is jealous and has only done it as a hidden agenda.

You don't really seem committed to this relationship and maybe she picks up on this.

Again fWIW, I expect to be able to confide in my DH with how I feel about my DS, DSD and DSS and how they or Dh have sometime made me feel so that I can work through my feelings and so that we can move forward as a family together, not for him to then use my heart felt confessions as a reason to get out of the relationship.

Completely agree with @ChillUrBeans

So do I @ChillUrBeans - great post!

I also agree with posters who’ve said it’s not about th balloon.

Maybe it was to do with you taking part of your valentines present to your ex wife’s house on Valentine’s Day? Logically you were going to see your daughter who’d had a hard time, but feelings can be irrational sometimes!

Your partner bought you a gift. You. For you.
Was there any significance to the fact that she gave you 6 balloons?

I’m not petty. Nor would I begrudge a child a balloon. But this is about boundaries and respect in a tricky situation. Your daughter is your world, quite rightly. Your daughter is not your partners world. You are her world. And that gift was for you.

If my DP bought me flowers for Valentine’s Day and then handed them out to his DC, i’d think, hold on, first of all, that’s a romantic gift, why are you giving it to your children? Secondly I’d think, that was your present to me, is nothing sacred?

Children (quite rightly) are the centre of any parents world. But that should not be at the complete expense of your intimate relationship. A balloon may not have meant a lot to you, but it meant something to your partner. Her reaction is not about the balloon. It’s about the fact that she doesn’t feel as if you valued that gift enough, from someone you are romantically and intimately with.

Honestly.

If you don’t have these boundaries intact then don’t get into another relationship. No one you are with will place your child at the forefront of everything. It’s very selfish of you to expect that to happen. And then when she has the courage to speak up and say, actually it bothered me, as opposed to focusing on her and looking at your behaviour, you come onto a forum and out her.

If I knew her in RL I’d tell her to run like the wind.

If my DP bought me flowers for Valentine’s Day and then handed them out to his DC, i’d think, hold on, first of all, that’s a romantic gift, why are you giving it to your children? Secondly I’d think, that was your present to me, is nothing sacred?

That's not the same though. She bought him a gift and he gave a balloon away. He didnt buy her gift, then take it back and give it to his kids.

No. She bought him a gift and he gave that away.

Children (and I’m a mother) should and do get a lot of time/ attention and love. And be made to feel special. Of course they should. But that should not be at the expense of the attention and care a partner feels.

Time and time again I see people getting into relationships in these situations and not having the capacity/ knowledge of boundaried interactions. The child is not his partners. She will not necessarily share in that giving. Especially when her gift was of a romantic nature.

These situations are complicated and why more people haven’t got the capacity to say, hold on, you gave your romantic gift from your partner to your child, what’s wrong with you? Astounds me.

If that’s how this man feels then he needs to not be in a relationship. Because I’d be none too happy with this either.

Get your stuff sorted and buy your own gift for your daughter. Don’t be lazy and give away the one I’ve given to you!

I dont know anyone who doesn't share at least some gifts with their kids.

Chocolates, balloons, bubble bath etc.

It's never just about the ballon.

The OP looked like he was looking for the confirmation of his judgement about his gfriend. He got it and never got back to this forum. Many people do that in relationships, refuse to see their own mistakes and these relationships don't last.
The issue was clearly not about the ballons and the fact that they were talking about the relationship means that there were issues.

As for me, I find it odd to enter my ex's house to cheer up my child with a heart shaped adult ballon given to me by my romantic partner. I would go and buy my child his own gift. Or better just talk to him/her and give them affection, because when something traumatic happens, a ballon won't solve it anyway.