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Step-parenting

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Original poster

anybody else think this is odd?

79 replies

Dave82 · 17/02/2019 05:47

So I received some heart ballons from my partner, my 7 year old daughter had a bit of a traumatic time at her mums house on Wednesday night so on Thursday afternoon I said to my partner I have got to drop some stuff off for my daughter so I will take her 1 of the 6 ballons to cheer her up, my partner seemed ok with this. however last night we were having a bit of a heart to heart conversation about our relationship and she said it really upset her that I gave my daughter a ballon because they were for me not her, I find this very odd because she knows what my daughter went through the other night and it's not like I took all the ballons to give to my daughter. I just want to get people's views on this as I don't think it's normal behaviour.

thanks for spending the time to read.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FlagFish · 17/02/2019 05:53

Sorry but I’m with your partner! Giving away (part of) your romantic valentines gift to your daughter is a bit weird IMO. If she was upset I’d have found another way to comfort her.

Decormad38 · 17/02/2019 05:56

It wouldn’t be something I would mind at all. I would probably think it was a sweet thing to do but if your dp is feeling sensitive about that relationship with your dd and your ex then i can see how she may feel that you took her heart and just gave it away.

memaymamo · 17/02/2019 05:57

It's hard to say without knowing all the people involved. At a guess I'd say she feels like you were dismissing the gift a bit, by giving one of the balloons away, and that she could feel slightly vulnerable/sensitive about your relationship with your daughter.

Basically she behaved a bit immaturely, but it depends on how she told you about it. Maybe she feels safe enough with you to reveal those innermost feelings that you know aren't reasonable but can tell your safe person without fear of judgement. On the other hand if she sounded petty and pissed off about and accusatory, then that's not really fair.

I can understand her feelings but she could have kept them to herself. I guess if you had your time over you could have said, I love these so much, do you mind if I bring one to X.

How do the two of them get along?

LadyMinerva · 17/02/2019 05:58

She couldn't spare 1 balloon out of 6 to cheer up a child? How do they normally get along? I've a feeling I already know the answer to that question.

If I had given my partner 6 balloons and he wanted to take 1 to his daughter to cheer her up I would have insisted he take 2. 1 from him and 1 from me.

If someone enters a relationship with someone that has children there is no point being jealous because the children should always be the first priority.

Harrykanesrightsock · 17/02/2019 06:01

It wouldn’t have bothered me one bit

Shockers · 17/02/2019 06:01

I think it’s odd of your partner to be upset, considering the circumstances.

CosmicCanary · 17/02/2019 06:11

Its a balloon.
Your partner is being precious over a balloon.
Get rid.

Original poster

Dave82 · 17/02/2019 06:12

Thanks for all your replies.

They normally get on very well and she is always nice to my daughter. I'm glad some people do think it's a bit odd like I do and it's not just me.

I had said I loved the ballons etc but what gets me is that if I had given my daughter all the ballons I would then understand my partner being upset but to be upset just over 1 balloon just because I want to cheer my daughter up I find it very bizarre and does worry me about the relationship I have with my partner.

OP posts:

memaymamo · 17/02/2019 06:24

I think the key point is that this is not about balloons.

It's about something deeper, so explore what that is before you ditch her. Maybe she needs to talk through her feelings about your daughter and how she's going with her role in your daughter's life. Maybe she's not sure if you really love her and care about her.

You did a really sweet thing for your daughter, she's clearly being unreasonable but how to respond to that depends on so many other factors.

lunar1 · 17/02/2019 06:32

I can't imagine a world where I'd begrudge a six year old a balloon, not even taking into account the fact that she's going through a rough time. My valentines chocolate was handed round to a house full yesterday!

Oceanbliss · 17/02/2019 07:00

Dave82 I'm with you, I think it's a bit weird. If a partner gave me heart shaped balloons for Valentine's Day I would give one to my dd whether she was upset or not. Because it's a balloon and because children like balloons and she's my child and I share my life with her. It's not like she bought you expensive cologne or a watch or an ornament and you gave it away. It's also not like you gave all of the balloons away either. Maybe your partner doesn't understand parent child relationships very well or maybe she is developing jealousy or possessiveness. Either way, I hope you get to the bottom of it and sort out what's really going on.

Redken24 · 17/02/2019 07:06

Christ whether they were your kid or not it's a fucking balloon! Your partner needs to get a grip.

Tennesseewhiskey · 17/02/2019 07:08

It's odd. It's a balloon. My Dp would have suggested I take one, if my ds was having a bad time of it. He always suggests stuff like that.

She clearly doesn't understand the relationship between a parent and daughter. Most people would share balloons with their kids. If someone bought some.

I do think it's good she told you though. But I think you need to speak more. I think there could be resentment building, slowly.

steamboatwilly123 · 17/02/2019 07:11

Your partner needs to grow up by the sounds of it. Something like that wouldn't have bothered me at all. Does she resent your daughter?

Longdistance · 17/02/2019 07:17

Balloons are for kids. I’ve received them over the years, but my dds always end up with them. It was a bit tight of her tbh. You had 6 of them. Maybe you dp needs to grow up, and doesn’t understand that your dd comes first.

sue51 · 17/02/2019 07:21

To cheer up an unhappy child, I'd have given all six. Rather childish behaviour from your partner.

Birdie6 · 17/02/2019 07:35

Very childish and immature. If she is your partner, you daughter is her step-daughter . This doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship if she begrudges your DD a balloon !

Original poster

Dave82 · 17/02/2019 07:39

I really appreciate all the comments.

I have thought before she's a bit jealous of my daughter, I'm lucky I see my daughter lots maybe that is something she doesn't like.

I'm guessing I just need to have a long think about the relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dave82 · 17/02/2019 07:42

It's like she's messaged to see if me and my daughter want dinner later which is nice but just in my mind the balloon thing and how she didn't want mu daughter to have one just makes me think she is nice to my daughter but hidden away she doesnt like her.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 17/02/2019 08:07

this is not about balloons.

funinthesun19 · 17/02/2019 08:14

Yeah I think she’s being a bit silly getting upset over a balloon.

BlueMerchant · 17/02/2019 08:37

She sounds very immature. Most partners would have been the ones to suggest taking your daughter one of the balloons esp if she has had a bad time! I think this event has highlighted the fact your partner resents your daughter. She will always be ( in her own head ) competing for your love. The dinner is something she will be doing as she feels it's something she should do and it's what others who have a partner with a child would do but the balloon incident has shown her true colours to me.

BreastSideStory · 17/02/2019 09:06

Depends on the context... I doubt this was actually about the balloons.
My DP and I went through a bit of a rough patch and I started to notice that he would walk right past me to kiss his DD hello and effectively blank me, he would get up and make her a cup of tea and not offer me one.
I wasn’t (and I’m still not) a jealous person but it’s hard not to take it personally when other things are going on in the relationship. I started to feel like I was second best and not a priority. When things are happy these things go unnoticed by me, however when I feel he’s neglecting me in other areas it becomes more poignant.
I know everyone is saying “it’s just a balloon” but it wasn’t to her. Your partner did something romantic and loving for you on valentine’s day and you gifted part of it away to your DD. I can see why that might be hurtful to her, you should have kept the gift.
You were a bit thoughtless and should have popped to the shop and picked up something for your DD... a chocolate bar or a little gift.
It’s hard juggling feelings and struggling with not being the no.1 priority in your partner’s life when they have kids, what you effectively did was highlight to her in an insensitive way.
Her reaction may have come across immature, but I can assure you that it isn’t actually about the balloons. Speak to your partner and find out what’s really bothering her

BreastSideStory · 17/02/2019 09:09

She will always be ( in her own head ) competing for your love
I disagree with this. It isn’t a competition and certainly wouldn’t be if you are acting as if you value your relationship too. The relationship with your DD and your romantic relationship shouldn’t be competing with each other, you need to put the effort in with both of them.

TwitterLovesMAPs · 17/02/2019 09:18

I completely agree with breastsidestory. I’ve been in your girlfriend’s position. My partner had a DD whom he saw often and I had no children. Because he saw his DD so often, he would often mix our ‘couple’ time with spending time with her. Most of the time it was fine as I enjoyed getting to know his DD. But sometimes I wanted it to just be about our relationship for once. Sometimes I’d suggest doing something meaning it would just be the two of us and he’d say ‘yeah great, DD would love that’. It used to hurt because I felt like he didn’t want to be on his own with me and that me and our relationship wasn’t a priority to him.

It was never about my feelings towards his DD, it was about how he treated me as a nice accessory to his life but not the main event. I just wanted more of his time and attention tbh! Not at the expense of his time with his DD, but I wanted him to carve out time just for us because he wanted to.

I don’t know if any of that resonates with what’s going on with your dynamic. But it might help to hear the other side.

People who have never been in this situation are so quick to dismiss the GF as jealous and crazy. But it’s never that simple.

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