Stepkids

[Clarence450]

My partners grown up kids can be so rude to me when he's not there, but when I bring it up he becomes very defensive, we have a massive row and I am in the wrong whilst they get away scott free! Any advice please!

How old are they and WHY isn't he there?

Correct them yourself.
This happened with my SD who is very sweet with him and normal in front of him, but rude at times with me or my son. It's normal that he has trouble believing, so I also got accused (on these boards and by him) to hate her.
Just stand up for yourself, the same way you would do if they were not his children. Or if they were yours. My mistake was to correct her way too nicely so she didn't take me seriously and then get resentful, which made me look like a mean SM. When I just had to deal with her the way I deal with my son when he misbehaves.

What form does the rudeness take?

Are they there because they live with you or do they just pop round then be rude to you when he goes into another room etc?

They visit. The last example was when his daughter brought her new boyfriend round to the house (that I've been paying the mortgage on for 30 years!) They bumped into me and she sailed past me without so much as an introduction. This is typical of her: she is just a horrible person. When I raised it with her, she was just sarcastic. Now the whole situation is really awkward and stressing me out, although I know I shouldn't let it.

It sounds like she has no respect for you which shouldn’t be allowed in your own home.

It must make things 1000 times worse that their dad never has your back. What’s your relationship like with him otherwise?

Could you tell him they aren’t welcome in your home until they are polite to you?

Or just ignore them when they visit?

Failing that you could go out, but I don’t see why you should have to.

How long have you been with him?

Have they always been like this?

Either pull them up there and then, or ignore them and don't do anything for them.

How long have you been in the relationship and how old are his kids OP?

My advice: you will never win.

Just grin and bear it.

My DH thinks the sun shines out of his DD's aura. Nothing is going to change that. I'm lucky that she loves me. I just hang on to that good thought.

The fact is, we don't see the flaws with our own kids. But the flaws in your partner's kids are apparent at 10000000%.

You can't change that. It is the order of things.

It's really hard at times, I know.

Your only chance is to have a situation, like in FRIENDS, when Ross tried to convince everyone that the Ben Stiller character was an asshole. Nobody believed him until they ....finally, walked in on Ben Stiller's character calling the chicken a 'llittle fucking asshole" ....

This is a rare situation of proving your point. I take FRIENDS as good lessons in life :)