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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

I did a stupidity!

20 replies

Triste1992 · 12/02/2019 04:01

I guess I was feeling hormonal, don't know what took me and I decided to write to the exW. Politely making her feel bad about not taking very good care of SS. She justified herself, accused me of being too harsh with him and then we ended the texting.

I did the same thing 2.5 years ago when she accused me of not taking care of him (to my DH).

So I am feeling extremely stupid and I was wondering if I should apologize again or just live with that. Any advice?

OP posts:

artisanscotcheggs · 12/02/2019 04:07

I think you should delete her number and grow up.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 12/02/2019 04:13

I think you should identify why you thought you had the right to interfere rather than discuss it with your partner and raise any concerns with them

Don't use hormonal as an excuse I have been pregnant twice and like most other women deal with hormones monthly and have never been so trite as to explain my bad behaviour away using that excuse

SD1978 · 12/02/2019 04:16

Sorry, 'hormonal' isn't an excuse. Own that you did a spiteful thing, which has no doubt made an already difficult situation worse, and tell your partner, so he is aware why their is more conflict.

SparkiePolastri · 12/02/2019 07:16

'Politely making someone feel bad'.

Ferro5by5 · 12/02/2019 07:30

You should leave it now. There are lines that are really unwise to cross in a blended family and you have crossed one of them, so you are best to give her space.

starryeyed19 · 12/02/2019 07:31

I would also take a look at why you thought sending that message was a good idea. I mean, really. Who was it supposed to help? What did you want to happen?

Because I don't think helping your SS has anything to do with it.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 07:37

Hormones are no excuse for something that has the potential to make your partners, and his kids, life harder.

I get quite fed up with women on mn acting really badly and then blaming hormones.

CountessVonBoobs · 12/02/2019 07:39

I think you should delete her number and grow up.

This. Also, stop blaming your bad behaviour on "hormones".

whatdoyouwantfromme · 12/02/2019 07:43

We at the receiving end of DSS's mother 'politely pointing out our shortcomings as parents/step parents' It's now being considered harassment and I have multiple times been told to take time off by the Dr due to stress. Appreciate you might not have been the best version of yourself when you sent that message. Not that your 1-2 messages is an example of harassment. But more think about the impact you may have on that other person ....... delete her number, communicate with your ex and leave her alone.

OnTheHop · 12/02/2019 08:01

If you can admit it to yourself and MN why not do the right thing to the person you ‘politely ‘ made feel bad?

Send a text saying ‘sorry, I was out of order ‘.

And don’t do it again.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2019 19:56

Why did you really do it? Do you want to start a fight? Put your husband in an awkward position? Assert your place in the family unit?

She wasn’t likely to agree with you or admit any failings. It seems deliberately inflammatory.

First off delete her number. Then tell your husband if he doesn’t know. Then work out what you were thinking and resolve that.

stuffedpeppers · 12/02/2019 20:19

You have succeeded in your aim - to undermine and belittle another parent. Ignore the step, ex etc.

You can apologise and your words will still be there. Not your proudest moment. Personally I would not want an apology from you - you obviously meant what you said and any apology will not be sincere

Iswallowtoothpaste · 18/02/2019 10:32

Block her. No good will ever come from the ex partner’s new girlfriend telling her that she isn’t good enough.

LadyMinerva · 18/02/2019 10:40

You need to own up, as you have done here, apologise and promise to butt out until such time that she invited you back in to the parenting mix.

There is a very fine line in the balance of power between DM and DSM. DSM must always know exactly where the boundary line is and you are making the rest of us that work really hard to achieve that balance look bad.

JellyBook · 18/02/2019 10:47

Yeah, I would apologise and fgs don’t blame your hormones!

Just say you realise you approached the subject in a terrible way, and perhaps offer, if she feels like talking over things sensibly, you would be happy to.

Itsallpeachyfornow · 18/02/2019 12:40

Did she apologise to you when she criticised you? Because she bloody well should have done

Vagabond · 19/02/2019 15:08

Don't ever communicate with her. It's not your place. It will also harm your relationship. Unless you're happily organising a birthday party in unison, just don't.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 21/02/2019 16:50

“I did a stupidity”? Are you 6?

Delete her number and grow up.

feralfanny · 28/02/2019 16:14

No good will ever come from the ex partner’s new girlfriend telling her that she isn’t good enough
She's hardly a new girlfriend - they've been married more than 2.5 years by the sound of it!!
Sounds like you were lucky that the ex didn't kick off - DH's ex would have gone postal if I'd done that!!

ChakiraChakra · 28/02/2019 16:17

Delete and don't do it again. FGS. We are still responsible for our actions even when we have hormones.

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