RP moving 30minutes away

[stokieginge]

I was just wondering if anyone had any experience in this situation

DSD lives with her DM. We have her EOW & an week day evening EOW. I take her to school twice EOW following an evening staying. Currently DSD school is a 3 minute drive from our house.

We've just found out that DM is looking to move 30 minutes away.

This would mean that we are no longer in a position to have DSD over night when she would need to be dropped off at school the next morning. Unless we spent an hour driving her to school and then back to work.

We would essentially go down to one night EOW rather than 4 nights EOW.

This after DM has spent the last 3 years telling my DH he doesn't see DSD enough.

Half an hour is nothing. Mountain out of a molehill.

I walk 30 minutes to drop and pick up my on from school daily... I don't see the issue here?

Such horrible replies on this thread. The OP's life has been ripped apart because she has dared to question the decision for her DSD be moved away from her current school and her DF for no viable reason. Just because relatively, 30 minutes is less than 4 hours, doesn't mean that it isn't disruptive to the existing contact arrangements and the DSD's school life. The OP has clearly explained how this will disrupt the arrangements, which currently work well. It's a dick move by the DM.

My DSC's mum moved 45 minutes away, and put the DSC in a new school. She has refused to do any pick ups or drop offs ever since, so DP just has to do it all or he wouldn't see the DSC.

which currently work well

For the OP and her partner, maybe. But clear,y not for mum. Whilst she may not have good reason to move (and we only have one side of the story), she may have very good reason. Who’s reasons are more important? Who decides that? 30 minutes for most people is local.

@ohreallyohreallyoh the area and the school have been good enough for all this time for her so I guess both her and the children's father both decided that.

The OP has told us that there is no reason for the move. Why do you presume she's just lying? Because she's a step parent so must always be wrong and the Mum must always be right?

OP if you aren't happy get some legal advice and act on that, you can fully explain your circumstances and they will give you and indication of if your wish for her to stay local is reasonable. If I was your husband I would be unhappy if my contact was being reduced for any reason that didn't involve me not being capable of looking after my child, your step-daughter deserves a good and active relationship with both parents. Good luck.

The OP has told us that there is no reason for the move. Why do you presume she's just lying?

Just because the OP sees / doesn’t know of any reason why the ex wants to move, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have one. It might be a terrible reason, it might be entirely reasonable. But the OP hasn’t been able to give any insight into what may be fuelling the move.

For what it’s worth, I moved 350 miles. My ex would tell you it’s because I tried to take his kids away. My reasons are very different - cost of housing, family support, work and study availability. Didn’t want to move but the ex forced it by ruining our credit ratings by refusing to make mortgage payments (but did manage plenty of holidays), by refusing maintenance, by refusing anything other than him having the children and allowing me to see them ‘as he sees fit’ etc. His choices lead to consequences for all of us. Although of course, I should have remained in poverty, without a secure roof over our heads and never seeing my children ‘cos there was nothing wrong with the schools the children were in.

There are 2 sides to every story. Understanding the other side is crucial into being able to say whether this is a reasonable move or not. And again, 30 minutes isn’t particularly far in the grand scheme of things.

@ohreallyohreallyoh but the OP's DP is not your ex and is not doing any of those things. Stop projecting.

Interested to know why the DP moved away from his DD in the first place? But the ex can't move now because it doesn't suit him?

Surely everything will change when OP has the baby she's trying for? Surely one of you will need to change your start times?

I also moved @ohreally - it was the best thing I ever did. I had very very good reasons however Ex has used this as a reason to be horrible ever since.

Be careful OP, I know you want to support your partner but if the mum is doing a good job, is a reasonable human being, then don’t add to your DPs battle guns against her. People separate, their lives move on, she’s only 30 minutes away. Most important is a lack of conflict for those kids, they will appreciate and need that much more than an extra bit with one parent.

It is not about projecting. It's about understanding that just because the OP sees no good reason for moving, that doesn't mean that there isn't one. Of course, what the ex, the OP and her partner view as 'reasonable' or 'a good reason' is likely to differ. In the big scheme of things, 30 minutes really isn't a move big enough to be getting worked up over.

I detest this 'my life is OK so you can't change anything' attitude. Things do change, frequently for reasons we have no control over. The OP wants things to say the same because it works for her family but it clearly isn't working for the ex. Talking to her, trying to understand what is going on, trying to accommodate her worries/upset/needs, or at least being clear that you've heard but can't change things etc. etc. are all a better approach to taking legal advice and trying to enforce a status quo using the Law. Of course, the ex shouldn't make unilateral plans to change things, particularly where good schooling is concerned, but if the reasons for the plans are unknown (which they seem to be), it's hard to make any kind of judgement. If the OP and partner approach ex and ex loses it and says she wants to restrict contact and actually, isn't moving 30 minutes but is moving 3 hours away and she intends to do nothing at all about enforcing contact then there is a reason to take legal advice. At the moment, it's too up in the air to really know what it's about.