RP moving 30minutes away

[stokieginge]

I was just wondering if anyone had any experience in this situation

DSD lives with her DM. We have her EOW & an week day evening EOW. I take her to school twice EOW following an evening staying. Currently DSD school is a 3 minute drive from our house.

We've just found out that DM is looking to move 30 minutes away.

This would mean that we are no longer in a position to have DSD over night when she would need to be dropped off at school the next morning. Unless we spent an hour driving her to school and then back to work.

We would essentially go down to one night EOW rather than 4 nights EOW.

This after DM has spent the last 3 years telling my DH he doesn't see DSD enough.

we'd have to get up before 7 to leave the house in time to get to school for breakfast club.

Getting up before 7am doesn’t sound too arduous to me; my 6 year old gets up at 6:30am to be at school for 8am as we have a long commute. Unless of course you work late shifts or there is another reason.

Thing is OP if you had her full time you'd have to pay childcare and have her up before 7am. In order to fit in with your shifts. You are talking one day a week max.

Can your work or DH work not offer a family work life balance? A lot do and it's not every day.

Op look long term and think hard. I moved 45 mins way from dc, totally unavoidable. Ended up driving 500 miles a week keeping to previous arrangements. Nuts. The relationship with dc was via car mainly. Shattered by the time we got home from school as half asleep in the car, up at stupid o'clock the next day. No quality time at all. Had to move again, shocked exh when I spoke to him after years of nc. Told him plans were achanging and that was that. Seek legal advice and get a better schedule in writing. Do not trust ex will do any of the travelling either. Regardless of for the benefit of the dc, she won't.
Final hearing I got better blocks of time, ending up with dc nc with exh and here with me full time.

It could be worth your DH contacting the current school and the local authority for the new school and let them know he has PR and doesn’t agree to any change in school at this stage.

Please don't do this. It would be incredibly selfish and if the child's mum is moving away, it would mean a mega school run for mum and child every day. The mum has every right to move 30 miles away, and has to live her own life without this kind of obstruction.

I've just been through exactly the same situation, apart from we all worked together to work out what is best, DH came to an agreement with his workplace for flexible working, I changed my hours and DH makes up my lack of earnings for the day I've dropped, and I also compress my hours so I can finish work early eow. I'm not saying that you can do exactly the same, I'm just pointing out that we did what was best for his daughter, not for us.

It all feels very normal now. We also have a 2 month old so will need to factor nursery in sometime in the near future. We've planned for this already. It's tough, but so worth it.

This is a lot of what ifs at the minute. But you have made clear some points:
Your boss is flexible to a degree with late starts
You have the support of MIL
The DSC stays with you atm 4nights EOW and you already do school collections / drops offs.

Firstly. Is this hearsay of her moving from others of the Ex herself? If it’s come from her, get DP to go and talk to her? Explain how this might affect your current arrangement? My DP ex didn’t realise it would impact, so the changes caused a lot of arguments. If we had spoke about this more beforehand things may have been different.

Secondly: when my DPs ex moved the DSC (one hour away) we only found out when the school applications had been completed. We spoke to a solicitor and advised that as they had 50/50 care and equal PR she shouldn’t have done this. The school however told us we where wrong and so was the solicitor. However it was too late for us to do anything. The solicitor was quite clear that we needed good grounds for refusing the move. We where objecting on the following; the new school was ALOT smaller, so the DSC was in combined classes not great. The new school didn’t have the learning resources / support the old one did. The new school was low on OFSTED scale, also the reason for her moving to the area was for a new partner, and the living accommodation wasn’t adequate and the relationship was in the early stages. If we had objected prior to the children moving, we would have had a strong case. However their places at the old school had been filled by this point.

I think you have the following options;
EOW Friday - Monday. You do the drop off on the Monday then school and agree with your boss a later start EO Monday. (3nights EOW)

Then either:
DP collects DSC every Wednesday from after school club, goes out for tea or something and drops back off.

Or collect and overnight stay, but you’ll have to either agree collection with EX in the morning, or arrange a later start.

Or every Friday - Saturday EOW (on top off the full weekend) and arrange collection from school.

To get to the nitty gritty of your arguemnt you're basically saying that you don't want Exw to move because it impacts you.

You dont know why she wants to move and have not actually bothered to ask her. You just want the biggest factor in her life decisions to be you and yours.

OP I think youve been given a hard time here. It must be very frustrating when you've worked an arrangement that works to have it changed and it has nothing to do with work... Then again, maybe she does intend to look for work and there are more available in the town she wants to move to, who knows.

Also, why did contact reduced when you moved in with your oh before it increased again? This doesn't make sense.

A change in school could be very disruptive for a 6 yr old - I would consider getting advice from a solicitor and potentially taking this to court to get a prohibitive steps order -

A change in school could be very disruptive for a 6 yr old
Really? Kids move from nursery to primary school, junior to senior schools, and anything in between. It's very common and almost all settle just fine. I don't think this is a reasonable argument to stop a parent moving 1/2 hour away.

Not RTFT. But why is she wanting to move?

Sorry, but to all the posters sitting here saying that she has every right, I don't believe she does. From a brief thread skim, there are no grounds for the mother to move (not work related). This child has established contact with her father, a support network in her grandmother who is also local. I presume the child is happy and settled in school?

The mother needs grounds to prove that this move is in the interest of the child..how is a move of school and further away from the father in the interest of the child? Unless she has offered this info, the OP's DH has every right to get these answers, now.

I second Ninja's advice. Legal advice pronto, don't mess around with this. This doesn't just impact School runs, but all school plays, parent evenings, all school events for the future.

it just seems like such a shame. We were previously living where DM is now moving to but this was before DSD started school.

So he was free to move away from his DD, but his ex is not free to move DD away from him?

Legal advice pronto, don't mess around with this

30 minutes! We're not talking her moving from John O'Groats to Lands End, are we? Round where I am 30 minutes is 8 miles away in one direction, 15 miles in the other.

Legal advice, sure. But it is highly unlikely a court will stop a parent moving 30 minutes away. You might get a Prohibited Steps in the short term but long term, it's just not going to happen. All court will do is get her back up.

how is the relationship between parents? has something happened to trigger her wanting to be a bit out of reach?

Actually the dm does not have every right to change her dc's school. School forms need both signatures. With PR comes such responsibility.

The mother can do what she likes but she cannot make a decision that causes a significant drop in time spent with Dad and for him to just sit back and do nothing about it. If she’s approaching him reasonably and open to discussion that’s one thing but presenting the move as a fait accompli is another.

Can you explain again how she has more money when you work so many hours?

And you really can't change jobs?

The real issue is that both of your jobs are completely incompatible with a family life. you work crazy long hours. One of you needs to change jobs.

It’s none of your business why she wants to move. I’m not sure why you are being so aggressive to posters who are asking you questions. You seem to be putting a lot of barriers in the way to maintain access to your DSD.

When you have a DC with someone who has PR, yes it becomes their business when a move involves an upheaval in school for the child and a move further away from a parent who has established contact.

Repeat to self: being a mother does NOT give me entitlement over and above the father who is JUST AS IMPORTANT.

No judgecwould stop a RP moving 1/2 hour away with a child young enough to adjust to a new school. She must have a good reason to want to move there , OP just doesn't know what it is yet.

You’re right, a judge wouldn’t stop the mother moving.
They may decide it’s better for the child to stay living with the father and attending the school they already know.
They may decide mother must do all travelling required to maintain the current level of contact.

I’m shocked that dropping time with her would even be a suggestion tbh.
Move things around, RPs and any non RPs worth their salt would consider all options before even thinking of further reducing their access.

Actually the dm does not have every right to change her dc's school. School forms need both signatures. With PR comes such responsibility

Unless it has changed in the last couple of years, this is not the case. I changed my children’s school without my ex signing anything and removed him from their previous school without his signature. I am in England. He could have objected and got a Specific Issues Order but the education system doesn’t expect both parents to sign up - there would be an awful lot of children out there with a parent denying their child an education if that were the case.

The court would take a dim view of one parent acting unilaterally like that.

So yes, the council’s process may allow it, but the mother does not have the legal right to change the child’s school without consulting everyone who holds PR.

I am in England and 2 years ago needed exh to sign school transfer forms or would have had tobattend a court hearing.

So yes, the council’s process may allow it, but the mother does not have the legal right to change the child’s school without consulting everyone who holds PR

Which is difference to signing paperwork for transfer and admittance.

I didnt need my ex to sign anything when i moved my kids school recently.

You sound like a great step parent its a real shame that the mother might move if you all have something really well worked out at the moment for your stepchild, I dont agree with posters that think you or your partner should change jobs to suit the mother as its her choice to change this and there doesnt seem any benefits to the child for this.
I also dont think you should be doing all the drop offs and pick ups if she does move.
Who ever moves away should have to deal with the consequences of their choice.

Hopefully she wont move.